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When Wooing a Woman: How you Court Her and What One Does not Do

Updated on March 21, 2012
If you are going to court a woman do it right.
If you are going to court a woman do it right.

We can all agree

that the differences between individuals makes giving specific brand or item descriptions for wooing impossible. I would be a lunatic to say give the girl some Wheaties or take her to a Mongolian Barbecue even if such advice proved to work in one or two cases. That being said there is much to wooing that leaves room for methodical action and uniformity of tactics. Here is a list of good habits to get into if you are serious about wooing a woman:

The first thing any man wishing to woo a woman is to either have a flawless memory or stoop to using pen and paper to take notes. Believe it or not, there is enough to learn about any woman that wooing them often requires the same skills as passing any college class.

Never schedule a date on a day or night where time is at issue unless you are both professionals and don't have time to make such considerations. Even then, if neither of you can make time then any serious relationship will probably die for lack of watering like the proverbial neglected plant.

Make sure that the manners you present before you get married or move in with her aren't temporary shifts in behavior. Bad manners will turn any victory into defeat. What is the point of wooing if you are just going to let the one you supposedly cared about enough to put on the dog slip through your hands?

Don't move in with a woman until your wooing has helped you to conclude that she is actually someone you want to marry. Your wallet will thank you for it latter. Things get ugly when you take the wooing process lighter then she will. Once you are in the same space she has laid claim on you and you should act the part.

Tattoo important dates and relationships that she will outline for you in your discussions on the back of your hand if you have to. In a woman's mind, being forgetful in such matters is the same as being inconsiderate. That is one fight you really don't need to get into.

Never stop wooing. Wooing a woman is a lifelong prospect; if you have any illusions to the contrary, you probably aught to fix that.

Don't woo a woman if you can't honestly respect her family and cultural traditions. Between the two of you, you may be able to find a hybrid culture that you can jointly live with but go in with the understanding that she isn't the one who needs to bend to your cultural standpoint.

Take them shopping often in the most eclectic places you can come up with for your area. A little extra gas pays dividends. Even if you never buy anything on these trips it does you a lot of service to pay attention to the smells, trends, and appetites of the woman you are wooing. When she isn't looking take notes and be as specific in your data collection as possible. Add restaurants names and dishes she prefers. You will have plenty of time in private to make connections and thus formulate additional locations and forms of wooing.

On the subject of restaurants, I find that it is helpful if you make the choice into a game where each of you picks an aspect of a perspective place. Insist that she picks first and make your pick complementary to a notch above the kind of cooking she is accustomed to. A word of warning in this is that you probably should come up with locations that people you know won't necessarily look for you. It does you credit to have friends but realistically you need time alone to talk and investigate her wants and needs and intruders can make that difficult to impossible.

Never get yourself in a situation where you are forcing her, due to your economical circumstances to step down to your level. The movies make it look like it might work but when push comes to shove there aren't many women who really desire to go without for very long and money is as good a reason to divorce as any. If you have your sights set high enough to complement the life she expects make sure you follow through with any promise of this kind that you make in the early stages. She won't forget and will likely remind you of it often if you ever try to get comfortable before you have kept your word.

Note of edit to the advice about not forcing a woman to step down. Women I have found are not by nature materialistic really. As much as you shouldn't consider disappointing them in their future expectations of comfort, a woman will take emotional support and validation over things and gifts any day of the week and twice as often after you marry her. If you are silly enough to consider wooing a woman who lives in a method beyond your ability to maintain it, know that she will expect you to make up the difference by her standards in time, love and care and the amount she will need will be entirely at her discretion.

I have never seen any point to not dating multiple women in the initial stages but only woo one at a time and don't break it off for any other relationship until you have both called it quits. Not only does the prospect of doing in depth analysis of more then one woman at any one time cause a lot of confusion in your mind but if anything goes wrong it will leave you high and dry with a bad reputation. Practicing fidelity when you are actually searching for a wife which is what I am taking as the meaning of Wooing to be is good practice and will tell you if you can stand being in her presence with nothing but her needs on your mind for any lengthy period of time.

Find excuses to be alone with the one you are wooing at least twice to three times a week and don't feel obliged to tell her what is going on. If you find that she can’t get away from whatever leave her a gift. Flowers often work but sometimes you will find that other things work better.

On the subject of flowers: Don't always go for the roses unless she really digs roses. If you are paying attention to the notes in her perfume and things that she likes when you take her to places like Body Works or Sephora there will pop up on conversations other flowers that actually mean something to her. If you can come up with a collection of these flowers that doesn't give you hay fever or by all definitions stink when put together, you will get more credit for that bouquet then any ten you sent her before.

Find out what she wants and needs in the relationship and see if you can and will live up to that on a long term basis before you even consider asserting your needs as you fulfill her requests that she may not assert in a demanding way. If you ignore this peace of advice you probably will end up with a lot of time on the curb as it were.

Love notes are a must. If you have to get an unlimited text plan do it. She will need to know that you care as often as you can express it. You will find out latter that she probably kept all of them. Make sure they are heart felt and it might not be a bad idea to keep the ones you send as she may ask you to repeat what you wrote and explain yourself late.

In closing if you want to successfully woo a woman you will need to love her for the person she is and get use to the fact that you will spend every waking moment trying to make her shine as a person brighter and brighter. She needs to be the treasure that you count in value and embellish at every turn for the rest of your life. Any imperfections that you notice but ignore before she lays claim on you is probably something you really aught to forget permanently. If you treat her as the treasure she should be, those little things will seem less important over time. The issue is just as simple and complicated as that.


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    • Jaggedfrost profile image

      Jaggedfrost 2 years ago

      The fear of being cheated on is real but not so much an issue if you don't have sex on dates and neither does she. The question comes down to a man and a woman making up their minds. Exclusivity needs to be reserved for relationships that are on thier way to the altar.

    • Besarien profile image

      Besarien 2 years ago

      It is refreshing to find a male relationship guru who is neither trying to con women nor expecting the very worst in return from us. I guess my point is, that the wrong people are out there giving the majority of relationship advice. Whether or not you already have found the partner of your dreams, I have no doubt that she will be found and then be very well-wooed.

      Speaking as an old happily married woman, I love that you emphasize that relationships are work. Too many people want effortlessness but all the rewards of 24/7 effort. That is a recipe for disappointment and growing old alone. It has been my experience that you can get out of a very good relationship exactly what you are willing to put in to it, and if you are very, very lucky, maybe a bit more when you really need it. Everything worth having in life is worth working hard to get. This is never more true than when we are searching for a quality life partner.

    • profile image

      marco 2 years ago

      Just a note: I am a man. I don't date a single woman who is dating multiple guys at the same time. If I end up marrying that woman, there's a high probability she will cheat on me down the road. she will secretly have an affair (s) with previous dates.

    • Jaggedfrost profile image

      Jaggedfrost 5 years ago

      Since the author is a man. That is very sad news in deed. But welcome comment. Thank you for reading this and commenting.

    • mayodmv profile image

      Jose Matalo 5 years ago from Philippines

      Very informative! If the author will make a test out of this without letting the takers read this article they would surely fail. Most men, at least, would surely fail. :)

    • profile image

      ngonzi 5 years ago

      nice educating

    • Jaggedfrost profile image

      Jaggedfrost 5 years ago

      I really need to learn how to take complements better.

    • Jaggedfrost profile image

      Jaggedfrost 7 years ago

      I thank you for your flattery and praise. Those two are hard for me to accept but I am working on it. I laughed my way through this article as it is filled with the studied observation of roughly twenty years or more. Most of it was initially conceived of through taking the juxtaposed actions of those I felt were doing it wrong that I later confirmed through the novel art of actually talking to women about my observations. I took other measures as well but.. this isn't a hub about that. I am not even sure of the merits of doing that.

    • schoolgirlforreal profile image

      schoolgirlforreal 7 years ago

      Very good advice in my mind. Completely true and valuable for men (and women).

      "Tattoo important dates and relationships that she will outline for you in your discussions on the back of your hand if you have to. In a woman's mind, being forgetful in such matters is the same as being inconsiderate. That is one fight you really don't need to get into."

      That is hilarious but true!!!!

      Great hub !!!

      again, I share this one too :-)