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How to avoid the friend zone: Tips to avoid platonic friendship and start a romantic relationship

Updated on June 26, 2013
Getting closer to someone but stuck in the friend zone? Avoid the friend zone completely with these tips.
Getting closer to someone but stuck in the friend zone? Avoid the friend zone completely with these tips. | Source

How to avoid the friend zone when you have a crush on someone? Falling in love with your friend can be frustrating if he or she sees you as just a friend. Daily casual interactions, being easily available all the time, lack of flirting, being clingy, being predictable and being open about your past relationships – all of these can push a guy or a girl in the friendship zone. This post discusses how you can avoid the friend zone and give a romantic turn to your platonic friendship.

1) Don't ask him or her to hang out: Make it a date

Not being clear about the agenda of meeting is one of the most common mistakes that guys and girls make while trying to spend some time with their crushes. If it is a date, then it should be a date and not anything else.

For example, a guy will be giving mixed signals to a girl if he asks her to just hang out with him at the mall. If he is trying to ask her out on a romantic date, he should say and do things that make it clear that it is a date. This includes picking her up, picking up the bill and dropping her after the date is finished.

As another example, a girl will give no signs of her romantic intentions if she simply asks a guy to hang out with her at the mall. Instead, she must be clear about making it a date. She should ask the guy to pick her up, sound excited about their plans and flirt with him while spending time with him.

2) Flirt openly: Don't be shy about flirting with him or her

Avoiding shyness is one of the key aspects of avoiding the friend zone. You will never be able to go past the friend zone if you can't muster the courage to flirt. Your crush will never know about your feelings if you don't know how to flirt with her or him.

Flirting does not need to be overpowering all the time. For example, a girl may seem as too desperate if she openly flirts with a guy even before going on a date with him. She can break the ice by flirting with him over text messages. This should get him excited about spending time with her.

If you always offer your help too eagerly, your help will be taken for granted. For example, if you become the go-to guy for homework help, you will always remain the guy who can help out with homework.
If you always offer your help too eagerly, your help will be taken for granted. For example, if you become the go-to guy for homework help, you will always remain the guy who can help out with homework.

3) Stop being the person who will always help: Use such situations to your advantage

You will forever find yourself in the friend zone if you find yourself being the guy or girl who will always be the one to go to, for help.

For example, a cool geeky guy will not be able to move past friendship if he is always the one to help his crush with all her IT related problems including debugging her laptop, fixing a glitch on her iPhone and installing new programs on her computer. She will only look at him as the guy who can help her with IT problems, and nothing more.

In this example, the guy can easily give the situation a naughty twist by saying something flirty while helping her at the same time. Below are some examples of what he can say to use the situation to his advantage.

  • So what do I get for being such a gentleman and helping you out?
  • I will fix your laptop, but what do I get in return? Maybe a nice date with you?
  • Don't ever say thank you. It is always my pleasure to help a beautiful girl like you.

4) Don't be too predictable in front of that guy or girl

Friends are the people in your life who are predictable. You will easily be able to predict a friend's behavior, way of talking and reaction to various situations. Avoid the friend zone by not allowing your crush to identify a predictable pattern in your behavior.

If your crush starts thinking that you are predictable, there will be no excitement in your interactions with him or her. This platonic situation will pull you deep into the friend zone.

There are fewer better ways to make someone realize your worth than to be seen with other people.
There are fewer better ways to make someone realize your worth than to be seen with other people.

5) Be seen with other guys and girls

The easiest way to avoid the friend zone and attract your crush is to be seen with other guys and girls. This will give a clear signal that other people love your company and you are desirable to other men and women.

For example, a guy should deliberately try to be seen hanging out with a couple of girls when his crush walks by. She will notice that other girls like to be around him and she too, will want to be the one getting all his attention.

6) Stop being available all the time as a friend

Guys and girls start falling in the friend zone when they make themselves to be available all the time. Their crushes start taking their presence for granted. If you find yourself in this spot, you are in trouble because your crush will get used to your presence as a friend.

You must stop being easily available to avoid falling into the trap of friendship. Don't ignore your crush but make it look as if you have a life too. For example, make yourself look busy by picking up the phone and asking your crush if you can call him or her back because you are in the middle of something.

7) Don't expose your past relationships: Be honest but don't reveal all

You will take a big risk of falling in the friend zone if you expose every little detail about your past relationships. Your crush may develop a friendly sympathy after hearing about your sad heartbreak or your crush could develop an aversion to getting into a relationship with you because of all the complications in your past.

This does not mean that you refuse to tell your crush anything about your past relationships. Be subtle and just admit that you had a relationship. Don't go into the details.

8) Keep having naughty conversations to avoid the friend zone

Naught conversations between friends can often lead to romantic moments. You too can avoid the friend zone by avoiding boring conversations and bringing a naughty element to your usual talks.

The purpose behind having naught conversations is simple. You will immediately be able to judge whether your crush wants to flirt with you or not. Here are a few examples that are subtle yet flirty and naughty. You can use them to make small talk.

  • What it the most attractive thing that you like in a man?
  • I really don't think you need to work out. I don't know about others but I find your body attractive.
  • Don't get me wrong but this dress brings out a sexy side of you.
  • Some women like younger men. Would you date a younger guy?
  • Does this short skirt look good on me? Why do you think so?
  • I don't mean to be a narcissist but I am really proud of how I have shed weight on my butt. What do you think?

Seize such playful moments and express yourself immediately. That may be the point where your relationship stops being a friendship and starts being romantic.
Seize such playful moments and express yourself immediately. That may be the point where your relationship stops being a friendship and starts being romantic.

9) Seize a romantic or playful moment: Express yourself openly

Suppose you find yourself alone with your crush and you are feeling intense chemistry between both of you. What will you do? If you just wait for something to happen, nothing will happen. You must take charge and express yourself to add a spark to the chemistry to allow it to blow into something romantic.

Suppose you and your crush are at a restaurant and you are having a flirty conversation. Don't be afraid to say something as direct as 'I Like You' or 'I think we have a nice chemistry, don't you?' Life doesn't offer you too many chances so you must seize the romantic moment and express your sense of attraction.

10) Hold hands: Avoid the friend zone by getting touchy feely

Physical closeness is a common body language sign of attraction in men and women. Display this to your crush clearly by grabbing an opportunity to be touchy feely. Don't make it too apparent or else you will come across as a pervert.

For example, suppose you and your crush are just hanging out and sitting on a park bench in the evening. There is a beautiful sunset along with the pleasantly cold evening breeze. If you are sitting close to each other, find a reason to hold your crush's hand. Here are a few.

  • Are your hands shivering? Let me check.
  • Your hands are so pale. Let me take a look.
  • That's a cool nail color. Show me.

Judge your crush's reaction when you get touchy feely. You will instantly be able to see if he or she has a sense of attraction towards you or not.

11) Stop being the nice guy or nice girl: Think for yourself

Will she feel bad if I tell her that I like her? Will he be mad at me for ruining our friendship? I know she is making a mistake by talking to that guy, but should I tell her or is it none of my business?

These are some of the questions that will cross the mind of anyone who is nice. If you want to come out of the friend zone, you must stop being the nice guy or nice girl, especially when it comes to your feelings towards your crush.

Sometimes you have to think for yourself and get what you want, rather than assume things and put others before you. This is a classic situation in which you must stop being a pushover and give your romantic intentions priority over being excessively considerate.

12) Stop acting clingy and desperate: Allow the guy or girl to develop a natural attraction

One of the reasons why your crush never sees you as more than a friend may be because you are too clingy. The fact that you keep sending text messages to your crush all the time or the fact that you click on the like button on almost all her Facebook pictures can definitely make you seem clingy.

Being clingy is a sign of being desperate and you may be turning off your crush just because you are showing yourself as 'easily available'.


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    • profile image

      Latika K 

      4 months ago

      And most importantly build your charisma and an interesting lifestyle then the chances of her / him seeing you as friend only will minimize

    • DDE profile image

      Devika Primić 

      7 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Great advice and sounds helpful too love relationships need nurturing and one has to apply such tips to be successful, vote up and interesting

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      7 years ago from Chicago

      Great advice! Voted up, useful, & awesome!

      The biggest mistake people make is buying into the belief of "starting off as friends and growing into a relationship". If someone thinks you are "hot" they aren't going to risk leaving you on the open market by starting off as a "platonic friend". There is no such thing as being "exclusive friends".

      You have to make your romantic interest in a person known early on. No guts no glory! As my mother use to say, "If it's not worth asking for then it's not worth having." If the response you get is "lets be friends first" keep in mind what they're really saying is: " I don't see you as being (the one) and thus I'm keeping my (options) open." That's your signal to not waste a lot of time.

      It is far easier for your mate or spouse to evolve into being your "best friend" then it is for your (best friend) to evolve into being your mate or spouse!

      One man's opinion! :-)


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