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How to be Happy for Your Ex When He Has a New Girlfriend

Updated on May 22, 2011

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It's your worst nightmare. Not only did you suffer a horrific break up and spend the past few weeks fluctuating between sobbing and throwing things at your wall/TV/computer, but now your ex has gone and found someone new. How in the world are you supposed to see him around town and smile happily at him and his new beau?

Aside from relocation to another country (which is super inconvenient), here are some tips on how to be happy for your ex once he finds someone new:

Simple and Complete Avoidance (at the very least, in person)

The easiest way to be happy for your ex is from a distance. If you're not in the same vicinity, you can put on your veil of "Good for you, I don't care", without having to stare him straight in the eyes and attempt to fake an emotionless expression when he tells you he's moved on to someone new. Even a phone conversation is better than seeing him in person. The further the distance away from him, the easier it will be for you to move on and one day not want to trip his new girlfriend when she's walking down the stairs wearing 5 inch heels.

Bad at avoiding people? Here are some suggestions on where to start:

- Change grocery stores, banks, dry cleaners, coffee shops, anywhere you think your ex might show up. It's these pesky every day locations that you end up running into people you don't want to see.

- Check his Facebook/Twitter/etc. if you know you're going somewhere he likes to go (i.e. bar, club, other fun outing type place). This sounds stalkerish, but you can avoid an awkward encounter if you see that he's planning an outing to said place on the same night you're planning on being there. If his profile is private and you can't see it, find a friend of his who has a public profile. It's amazing what you can find...I'm not the only one who's noticed this, right? I'm not an internet stalker, I swear.

- Wear a wig. Get glasses. Change everything about your appearance so he won't recognize you. Ok I'm kidding. That would be crazy.

"Fake It Til You Make It"

If these techniques haven't worked and you end up running into your ex, fake it. "Fake it til you make it" usually refers to your future fabulous career, but it can be used in various situations, such as how you feel about yourself, and being happy for your ex. Pretend that you're happy for him, put on your best brave face, and one day you'll find that you don't have to pretend anymore. This sounds silly, but it actually works. 

Avoid his Facebook/Twitter/social media anything

Looking at his Facebook/Twitter/blog/whatever will only make matters worse. Don't torture yourself by scanning for pictures of your ex and his new girl or finding someone who's friends with her on Facebook so you can see what your ex writes on her wall. If you really want to be happy for your ex, you've got to let go of the past. And it's impossible to do that when you're intertwined with your ex's future with his new girl.

Find Someone New Yourself

Living well is the best revenge. It's one of my favorite sayings, and it's also 100% true. Start dating again yourself (but only when you're ready). Don't rush into a new relationship--find somebody cute and have a few fun dates. If you're concentrating on a new someone, it'll be easier to be happy for your ex and his new beau...or even better, not worry about what he's doing at all. 

The Focus is Moving On, Not What He's Doing

This is the most important part. Keep most of your focus on yourself and make yourself happy. It doesn't matter what he's doing in the long run or who he's dating. He's ex, remember? Move on with your life day by day, until your life is uber fabulous again and you're not thinking about him anymore. 

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    • M. Rose profile imageAUTHOR

      M. Rose 

      6 years ago from Orange County, CA

      Shygirl89- You're welcome. Glad I could help you!

      Rusti Mccollum- Thanks for your comment! Love your story.

    • Rusti Mccollum profile image

      Ruth McCollum 

      6 years ago from Lake Oswego, Oregon

      It's hard THAT I know.I lived in a small town and just kept running into them.I finally moved and met the guy i've been married 30 years too.The man I thought was my world, was really just a stepping stone to meet the right one.

    • profile image

      Shygirl89 

      6 years ago

      M. Rose, thank you so much for this post. I got out of a three year relationship about 8 months ago, and I am finally starting to feel happy for my ex and his new gf. This is really helpful though so thank you. It is not easy to be happy about the situation because I felt hurt but I am trying to focus on myself and it is slowly helping me. = )

    • M. Rose profile imageAUTHOR

      M. Rose 

      6 years ago from Orange County, CA

      Emmyboy: Hey, if you can continue doing all the same things in your life and get over someone, that's awesome. But I think a lot of people need a difference in order to get over someone. You don't have to change your whole lifestyle for good...just until you feel like you've moved on. Thanks for commenting.

    • Emmyboy profile image

      Emmyboy 

      6 years ago from Nigeria

      Thanks for the advice but I must say they are somewhat skewed in favor of the ex. How can you just change your whole lifestyle just because you want to get over someone? Is it not going to be work?

    • profile image

      karren de guzman 

      6 years ago

      thanks for the advice.. well said :)

    • M. Rose profile imageAUTHOR

      M. Rose 

      7 years ago from Orange County, CA

      Sundaynews, its so good to hear that your story has a happy ending. Thanks for sharing your story!

    • M. Rose profile imageAUTHOR

      M. Rose 

      7 years ago from Orange County, CA

      Thanks for your comment nycgrl. Avoiding social media helps a lot!

    • nycgrl profile image

      Veronica 

      7 years ago from New York

      this is great advice especially the avoidance of social media. I think most people do a good job of avoiding the ex in person and usually (depending on the situation) you might not even have to try since if you live in different towns, have different jobs and sets of friends its easy to not see them. But the stalking out to see their updates on Facebook/Twitter/whatever else is just torture. I have friends that do this even years later. It's like rubbing salt on an open wound...just stop it and eventually it will "heal."

    • sundaynews profile image

      sundaynews 

      7 years ago from Tampa, FL

      I have been there and done that but it was my ex-husband and we had a child together. It was torture, because he kept coming back for a long time. Strangely, it got easier when he found someone else because I finally realized it was really over. Anyway, that was a long time ago. I'm glad I always acted dignified because now we are friends and I am remarried. Our daughter is getting married soon and it will be a happy occasion for all of us together with no strained feelings to hide.

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