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How to be a Great Girlfriend

Updated on November 1, 2012

Being A Great Girlfriend

I'm going to share a little secret with you, are you ready? Relationships take work. Being a great girlfriend takes effort, thought and commitment. I know it may not be what you want to hear and you are now feeling like everything Kim Kardashian ever told you was a lie. But here's the good news for all of you aspiring great girlfriends to be, it's not rocket science. In fact if you follow the simple tips I've listed below you'll be on your way to the great girlfriend hall of fame in no time.

Throw Out All of Your Dating/Relationshipy Books

Okay, if you're really serious about being a great girlfriend you have to do this one thing first.Go to your bookshelf. Locate your copy of "The Rules," or any other ridiculous dating book you have and throw it in the garbage. You will not learn how to be a great girlfriend, much less a great human being, by following a bunch of arbitrary rules or ploys designed to trick a potential partner into thinking you're awesome. Just start being awesome and throw out the stupid books already.

Be Yourself

I know, I know, this seems ridiculously simple and should go without saying, but to be a great girlfriend you have to start by being true to who you are. A mistake many young women make early on in their relationships in their quest to be a great girlfriend is to act like an ideal, perfect version of themselves. Of course the problem with this is that no one can possibly keep this kind of charade up. And when you do start revealing your true self your partner wonders what the hell happened. Seriously, take it from me. Don't be perfect just be you, warts and all and build something real together.


No Drama

Nothing repels a partner more then drama. Case in point, do you know anyone who would like to live in a real life episode of "Jersey Shore." So if you're truly serious about earning great girlfriend status dial it down a notch and act like a grown up. Vow not to scream or stomp or throw things and if you have drama queens for friends consider unfriending them. It sounds harsh, but believe it or not, you become who you hang around. If you are involved in a social group that says acting like Snookie or one of the Kardashians is okay, then you need to dump them....or keep them and never have a significant other. The choice is yours.


Be Thoughtful

All great girlfriends know that the key to maintaining a good relationship is by being thoughtful. And by this I don't mean leaving cutesy "I love you," notes around or remembering birthdays, although that's a good start. To be a great girlfriend your partner has be in your thoughts always, not in a stalkerish kind of way, but more in a how do my choices and decisions impact the one I love. Ask for their input, share in the decision making and do the little things, like returning their books to the library or reminding them to call their mom on her birthday, that show them you are thinking of them. Great girlfriends know that being thoughtful is a state of mind that you don't turn off and on. It becomes who you are.

No Mind Reading

Let's be honest here, all girlfriends are guilty of this at some point or another in their relationships. In some ways it's a sign of how close you have become and how well the relationship is going. But it is a sure fire recipe for disaster. Instead of expecting him to just know what you're thinking, ask for what you want and need from your partner and encourage them to do the same. And the same goes for his mind, don't try and read it, ask, don't guess. Unless you're psychic, talking is always the best option.


Find Common Interests

Spending time together is the foundation of any good relationship and great girlfriends figure out early on that finding one or two things that you genuinely enjoy doing together can be the glue that keeps you together. Whether it's wine tasting or alligator wrestling, so long as you both love doing it, it's a good idea. The worst thing you can do is fake an interest in something in the hopes of appearing like a great girlfriend. Be honest about what you like and dislike and have fun together.

Spend Time Apart

As tempting as it is to be with the object of your affection every moment of every waking day a great girlfriend understands the importance of space. Absence does make the heart grow fonder and leads to a healthier relationship. So encourage your significant other to take an evening to themselves a week to explore interest or hang with friends and do the same for yourself. It will signal to your partner that you trust them and that you too have a life outside of your relationship with them. Besides, no one likes a cling-on!

Take Your Time

Nothing turns people off more then rushing into a relationship and demanding status updates and timelines. A great girlfriend knows to enjoy the ride and take things one small step at a time. Really what's the big rush? Do you have a best before date and you think if you don't get a commitment before a preset time it will never happen? Here's a novel idea - go with the flow, don't telegraph and see what happens. I guarantee you that your partner will see this a such a radical and welcome approach they will surprise you with their readiness to talk commitment and will be etching your name on the greastest girlfriend of all time trophy themsleves.


Like Their Mom

This one may seem out of left field, but I can tell you from first hand experience that liking your partners mom, or at least pretending to, can go a long way in ratcheting up your great girlfriend status. Whether most of us our willing to admit it or not, we all love our mommy's and what our significant other says or does around them impacts how we feel about them. So if you want be a great girlfriend love the mama. Take her to lunch, never miss her birthday and be sure to send her an extra big bouquet on Mother's Day. It will pay big dividends.


Put Your Whole Heart Into It

Again, this seems crazy to have to put into writing, one would think that if you are interested in being a great girlfriend your heart is in it, but many people hold back. Maybe it's a fear of rejection or getting hurt that is stopping you, but if you want to be the greatest girlfriend ever then you need to let go and love fully. Throw caution to the wind and go for broke, if you don't you'll be left wondering if it's because you didn't give 100% of yourself.

Don't waste your money on silly relationship books, laugh together instead


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    • Thundermama profile image

      Catherine Taylor 5 years ago from Canada

      Wow, thank you all for the wonderful comments. When I decided to grab this title from the exclusive list I wasn't sure where to go with it, silly, humourous, cosmo magesque. In the end I just opted to go with the advice I would give my own daughters. Glad it resonated with all of you.

    • teaches12345 profile image

      Dianna Mendez 5 years ago

      I agree, throw away the book and go with being yourself. .. with our great advice in hand. Getting to know the parents and gaining their respect is always good. You can build trust, friendship and know more about him.

    • Seafarer Mama profile image

      Karen A Szklany 5 years ago from New England

      Voted up, up, up, Thundermama. Being real is the key to a relationship that lasts a long time. My husband and I took 3-4 years to decide to stay together for the rest of our lives and we have just celebrated our 11th anniversary. :0) Our daughter was born 10 days before our 3rd anniversary...and we're having so much fun together! You are right...there's nothing like having lots of great belly laughs together!

    • tamron profile image

      tamron 5 years ago

      Some how I lost my identity in my relationship! I took care of his mom for 9 years. The stress was unbelievable!

      She's been gone now for 3 years. I encourage him to spend time with his friends but while he is out he constantly calls and checks in. Which is unnecessary!

      Good advice!

    • hawaiianodysseus profile image

      Hawaiian Odysseus 5 years ago from Southeast Washington state

      Voted up and across (something I seldom do because it's often undeserved, but Thundermama is definitely keeping it real, and I love that about her and her hubs!), and socially shared.

      My wife and I have been married thirty years, and we now are in the beginning stages of the empty nest syndrome, but one of the things we've learned to do and actually do quite well is to give each other space. That's why I'm here in a downtown Walla Walla coffee shop writing these words, and she's running errands, because we've found that maintaining our own identities rather than growing increasingly co-dependent through the years keeps our marriage vibrant, interesting, and full of interesting channels to surf.

      I'm so glad we missed the whole Kardashian family could Americans ever place so much significance in any one family? It's part and parcel of one of the key things your Hub implied, Thundermama--and that is, to quit idolizing the lives of others and to risk being ourselves.

      Great job!