ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Gender and Relationships»
  • Advice & Tips for Men in Relationships

How to be a real Man's man. No Fear and no phobia? If you are fearless then you cannot be brave.

Updated on November 16, 2012

Healthy fear of a diamond back rattler is probably not a phobia.

To this day I have 4 days that were the most fearful I can imagine. Not speed, hieght, dark or fire or water  -- the days that my children were born.
To this day I have 4 days that were the most fearful I can imagine. Not speed, hieght, dark or fire or water -- the days that my children were born. | Source

Fearless is meaningless. I love the phrase "he really is paranoid, and someone really is following him"

Proving we are brave is just a silly impossible notion. So many folks spend so much time defining what they are rather than being what they are. I understand that there are still phobias out there that are basically a fear of being something other than our definition of ourselves. Come on, there are still those that suffer from Homophobia, Xenophobia and germ phobia. A man’s man does not have those fears. A man’s man, more importantly has many fears and phobia’s and is aware he has them. A brave man is not one without fear, he is one who overcomes fear. It is said there are no atheists in foxholes. Maybe, but I give you one that is for sure true. There are no dry foxholes. Pissing your pants is not uncommon.

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself” FDR. There are many irrational fears and many rational ones. They do not define who we are. How we deal with them does. I really think the distinction between a fear and a phobia comes down to how it affects your life. If it prevents you from leading a relatively normal life then it is a phobia. If it prevents you from disaster and injury, a fear. The problem is in recognizing just what the fear brings about. We should not think that phobias just prevent us from doing something. In fact it is a likely motivator for many actions both good and bad. But it is difficult to attribute them to fear so we overlook the underlying cause of symptoms.


Maladaptive phobia issues come most normally in two styles. Anger and compulsive disorders/avoidance. As for a man’s man, this is important. You see a weaker man, will cover up his fear with inappropriate behavior rather than admit he has the fear. We think the most shy of men are the quiet ones in the corner. They are probably shy, but they came shy but not phobic. The really dysfunctional shy types are at home or they are the loudest most aggressive guys in the room. What many will think of as an extravert is in fact the introvert overcompensating to somehow shield their fear.

Daredevil adrenaline junkies and over drinkers are the most amazing of the fearful. Sometimes to prove how fearless they are and sometimes just to deceive themselves about what they really fear, and that is fear itself. Do not confuse this with competitive athletes and men who simply drink a lot. I am talking about men that are not concerned with the accomplishment, but simply are hiding from the fear. We understand the man that climbs the mountain and says I did it because it was there. But we would laugh at the man who said, I climbed it because I was afraid of it.

Cliffs and climbing them, fear is healthy

I am afraid. There I said it. I am alive, I wonder if there is a correlation.
I am afraid. There I said it. I am alive, I wonder if there is a correlation. | Source

Men who know themselves are the real Man's Man

Military, first responders, ER folks, Law enforcement, Upper echelon politicians, Parents, Teachers, these roles filled by men create real men. Not the one superhuman act or a record maker, but day to day people that work hard for a living and overcome everyday fears and anxieties. These are truly a man’s man.

So that no one thinks me a braggart I confess to having done just about any bad act you can think of out of fear. I was just a fraidy cat. My shadow could spook me. I overcompensated with just about every negative behavior known. Hell I was afraid of my own successes and would sabotage them. The fear still resides further down inside of me, but I see it now. Acknowledge it now and deal with it appropriately. I do not say that I am yet a man’s man, but I do say that I understand what it means now – And it scares me ;-)


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 4 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Jodah, thank you much for the visit. And I hope others visit you at

      I was such a scared little boy. Shucks I still have nightmares about nightmares. At around 15 my brother taught me how exciting fear was. I am still just a scaredy cat.

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 4 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Great hub Eric, I think to have fear is to be human. A lot of men may pretend to be fearless and it often becomes 'foolhardy' in an attempt to impress their peers. We just have to admit our fears and deal with them as best we can. Voted up.

    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 5 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Mellonyy - you are a lucky one. I have known people sixty years old that have never admitted to a fear. Perhaps you have seen the great fear of being rejected.

    • Mellonyy profile image

      Mellonyy 5 years ago

      OMG, to many fears I have, but how to overcome them....voted up!

    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 5 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Christopher, Shhhh. do not tell a soul. I suppose for many years I was that guy. With absolutely no reason except the darkness inside.

    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 5 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      rcrumple, I am bashful to say it but you are one of my favorite writers. I really do believe that our love/soul mates are people that we should be very afraid of losing. We are bound to them in such a way that rational behavior is secondary to the goal of keeping them safe.

      She is not my soul but ours

      In her I claim my best days and hours

      I have never felt chains that hold

      as with her I shall grow old.

      Morning stars end the long night

      that was made wonderful holding her tight

    • christopheranton profile image

      Christopher Antony Meade 5 years ago from Gillingham Kent. United Kingdom

      Very well said. I've often noticed that the noisiest person in the room is often the one with the least to say. Overcompensating for deficiciencies is often a worse curse than the original failing.

      Thanks for telling it like it is. I hope people heed your words.

    • rcrumple profile image

      Rich 5 years ago from Kentucky

      Eric -

      I've always been one to face my fears and overcome them. No, I'm not bragging and don't want it to seem that way. But, I've always lived by the idea that fear only hinders one's potential. Too many hold back instead of going forward because they fear the possibilities. I was raised in a home where the phobia of snakes was prevalent. Yet, I've worked with venomous reptiles for decades because I overcame that fear with knowledge. You had fear of writing your first poem, but overcame that fear by doing it! I have respect for things I'm not familiar with, but fear will only keep one from experiencing them. I only really have one fear in my life, and that is simply that I lose my wife to the grim reaper. After 32 years, I don't know if I could, or would want to survive that loss. I've done many things in my life that others look at and say, "Oh, you're brave." No, it's not that, I just refuse to let a fear control my life, nor will I live in fear. Call me callous or stupid, it's just my mindset. Well presented Hub! Up & Interesting

    • phdast7 profile image

      Theresa Ast 5 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

      Eric -- My apologies for my sloppy typing and failure to proofread. I omitted the E at the beginning of your name and to compensate, apparently added an h. I am afraid to look at the rest of the comment for fear of fining many more errors. Sorry. Theresa

    • phdast7 profile image

      Theresa Ast 5 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

      rich -- This is marvelous and true and authentic and every woman should read it and every man should read it twice. I quit counting after I found four "favorite" sentences/quotes in your essay.

      I have told my sons for years, and my students more recently, the man or woman, whether in peacetime or war, who feels no fear is not brave...they are mentally disturbed or emotionally ill. The brave man, the hero is one who sacrifices for others, who runs into danger, even when overwhelmed with fear. Our modern conception of the fearless hero who is covered with honors and never loses is a terrible perversion.

      This is an important and excellent message. Sharing with followers.