- Gender and Relationships
How to be popular among friends and colleagues
1. Be confident. Don't be a jerk
It doesn't matter what you look like or where you come from; Confidence is the single most potent weapon that can get you almost anything in life. Almost. For other things you need money(I have an article on that too).
What is confidence?
It's not about:
- Laughing at others' clothes, physical appearance, financial condition, disability.
- Using demeaning words just because you can.
- Talking to the waiter as if he's your daddy's slave.
- Beating someone up just because you mastered martial while they honed their culinary skills.
- It is letting people know that you're a loser without them actually believing it.
- It is being able to say no to what doesn't resonate with you.
- It is to laugh with others when they make fun of you.
- It is to keep trying even when all odds are stacked right up against you.
- It is to win as if it were a habit, and fail as if you enjoyed it for a change.
- It is about negative words from other people striking your heart, and then beading up and rolling off like water on oil.
The second most powerful attribute of a gentleman is the ability to listen.
Now don't confuse hearing with listening.
If your mom is eating and she asks you for a glass of water, and you hand it over then go about your business, take it from me that you weren't listening. You merely heard her. Listening is when you give her glass and ask if the food is too spicy or whether she choked a little.
Paying attention to what somebody is saying instantly builds faith and trust. In their subconscious they register you as a faithful companion and will always be open and talkative around you.
P.S.- Avoid this if you hate people in general. Seriously. Good listeners never get to spend quality alone time.
3. Know your boundaries.
If you want to get all up in people's business and become a sort of relationship guru then be my guest, but first make sure that you're invited. Respect boundaries. People usually communicate through their body languages when they're not comfortable about a particular topic.
A little exercise on what to say and what not to say.
Let's say you're Sam.
Laura: Hey Sam, Did you know Peter knew Ian Mckellen? So he invited Ian and me at this private party yesterday, I asked him to introduce us and one thing led to another and now it's 7 am and you'll never believe who is in bed with me! Yayyy! Oh wait, who the hell is this other guy?!
Sam: Who is it?!
Laura: Hey Sam, Did you know Peter knew Ian Mckellen? So he invited Ian and me at this private party yesterday, I asked him to introduce us and one thing led to another and now it's 7 am. You'll never believe who is in bed with me! Oh wait, there's someone else in bed with us omg!
(Now obviously you are Laura's bff, destined to be in her friend zone till the end of time. Which is why, although I have put this as a Don't, I am bound by the bro code to give full approval to the following response.)
Sam: Laura, Laura listen to me. This is very tense. i want you to do exactly as I tell you. Slowly get off the bed and go to the window. Look down, you see people going on about their lives minding their own business? They don't give a fuck. And they won't unless you drop that blanket and show 'em somethin'. I am exactly like them.
Participate. Always participate.
If you want to be popular, you have to be in the spotlight, and to be in the spotlight you've got to participate first.
That being said, ensure that you don't come on as desperate. Don't give off the pick-me pick-me vibe. Unless you're already a life of the party guy it is only going to annoy people and significantly reduce your chances of getting picked. Ease into it. Even if you really want to be the one to do it, suppress your feelings. Be casual about it like '' Yea I could pull that.'' or ''That? Heh, been there.''
You know, and I say this by personal experience, the best time to take part is when your friends/colleagues are planning to do something that you think is extremely foolish or unnecessary. By taking part in something that you don't want to, but doing it anyway for the sake of others, you're not only registering it as a favour in their subconscious, but also generating the faith that you're one of them.
Therefore, by all means, participate. Unless they are planning to join the ISI. In which case you switch jobs and start looking for new friends.