ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

The importance of transparency in your marriage. Clear and confident!

Updated on November 18, 2013

'A lack of transparency results in distrust and a deep sense of insecurity.’ –Dalai Lama

What is the meaning of transparency?

It means openness, honesty and clarity. When someone is very sneaky and secretive you do not trust him as everything about him has an aura of mystery. When a person is frank and candid you believe in him. It is more so in married life.

When there are secrets in your life which your spouse does not know, it makes you uncertain and apprehensive about his\her reaction when he\she comes to know about it. When someone else brings it to his\her notice, there is a big show down and it also brings into your marriage distrust and suspicion.

  • Can’t I have anything personal?
  • Should I confess everything to him\her?
  • She\he never understands my problems and so I find it comfortable to hide it from him\her.
  • He\she is secretive and so I too feel like hiding things from him\her.

Married life is built on trust and honesty and these qualities are as important as love and care. When there is transparency in married life, it brings immense comfort to your interaction with your spouse and your love for each other matures to even deeper love.

What are the things you normally hide from your spouse?

  • Your past love life
  • Your money matters and savings
  • Your friendship with the opposite sex

Your past life is your secret.

You might have a past love and feel uneasy about the reaction of your spouse when he\she knows about it. Will your confession ruin your marriage and bring in suspicion and mistrust into it? Your doubts are very natural and true.

What is the nature of your spouse? Is he\she understanding and a caring person? Do you feel that you are cheating him\her by not confessing your past life with him\her? If you are hundred percent confident of your spouse you can confess about your past and tell him\her that it is over and done with. You feel the burden of guilt lessening and your love for your spouse increases for his\her considerate reaction .

But if your spouse is basically suspicious by nature and over possessive, your confession about your past life might stir up a hornet’s nest. He\she becomes doubtful of your every action and he\she makes your life nightmarish by questioning your whereabouts, checking your mobile phones and also spying on your mild interaction with the opposite sex. It is better to hide your past if you feel your spouse will react in such a negative way and lead your present married life with honesty and transparency.

Money matters are hidden and concealed

Money has become a top marriage destroyer in recent times. Everyone wants money as it is a status symbol. But it is sad that couples vie with each other in hiding money matters. Husband hides his money dealings from his wife and wife hides hers from her husband.

Why this lack of transparency in money matters? The fault lies with both. You do not acknowledge that your spouse is an individual with her\his own personal whims and wishes. Your spouse might want to help her\his family, but when you interfere, she\he does not want to do it with your knowledge and hides it from you and keeps you in the dark.

You must accept that he\she has certain duties to fulfill and should not intrude into it. When you overlook and accept the money dealings of your spouse, he\she does it openly and you need not break your head about where the hard earned money of your spouse is draining away.

Too much of friendship

The world has become so modern that you find it easy to be overly friendly with your colleagues of opposite sex without the knowledge of your spouse. You never know that you are digging the grave for your marriage when you do it.

It is very natural to be friendly with your colleagues when you work together. That is how it should be, but when you become too friendly with your colleague and feel like confiding in him, you are cheating your spouse emotionally. Your friendship should not cross the line and your spouse should know about him\her.

When you talk for long hours in a low tone when at home with your colleague\friend, your spouse naturally feels doubtful. When you get a call from your colleague, talk in a normal tone in the presence of your spouse which makes it a true friendship. When the call is over you can casually inform your spouse what you talked about. This is transparency for you!

‘Life is filigree work. What is written clearly is not worth much, it's the transparency that counts.’- Louis- Ferdinand Celine

When you argue that you have your personal life to lead and your spouse must accept it, you are asking for trouble. You should be frank with your spouse and he\she should also be truthful to you and when your interaction is transparent, it gives your married life the much needed clarity and clearness.


Does your marriage have transparency?

See results

© 2013 mathira

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • MG Singh profile image

      MG Singh 4 years ago from Singapore

      Nice post, except in one case when you are sleeping with another woman, its best to be silent to save the marriage. Man is polygamus and such flings are normal. They are best not known to the spouce

    • My Cook Book profile image

      Dil Vil 4 years ago from India

      Very very well said. Transparency and openness is so important. Speaking truly and frankly without hiding anything and being loyal is very important. Thank you for sharing this good hub, voted up and interesting and useful.

    • mathira profile image
      Author

      mathira 4 years ago from chennai

      MsDora, thank you for your encouraging comments.

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Weithers 4 years ago from The Caribbean

      Very good points to cause reflection in married couples. Again, you give a very strong ending--difficult to forget. Good job!

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: "https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr"

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is used to quickly and efficiently deliver files such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisements has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)