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How to confess cheating in a relationship: Apologizing to your girlfriend, boyfriend, wife or husband

Updated on March 15, 2013
Remember these things before you confess your cheating and break someone's heart.
Remember these things before you confess your cheating and break someone's heart. | Source

How to confess cheating in a relationship? Here is a realistic approach to the things that you should remember if you decide to confess having an affair and cheating on your girlfriend, boyfriend, wife or husband. Plan your apology if you want to save your relationship or marriage from a breakup or divorce.

1) Prepare how you will confess cheating: Use the right words

Any apology can either be extremely successful or can go terribly wrong depending on the choice of words you make. Using insensitive lines or inappropriate words to describe your actions can have a damaging effect to your confession and apology.

Prepare and rehearse your confession as if you were to give a public speech so that you don't fumble and say something that is hurtful. Use strategic words and phrases as you confess to cheating on your partner.

2) Pick the right time to confess cheating in your relationship

Confessing that you have cheated on your boyfriend when he is preparing for an important exam or confessing when your wife's mood swings have made her irritable may not be a good idea.

Pick a neutral time to make your confession. Avoid moments in which your partner is either too happy or too sad.

3) Confess your entire past to your partner: Don't hide anything that can cause a problem later

Halfhearted confessions can make your partner sink deeper in the agony of being cheated on. Don't take this route if you are firm about salvaging your relationship. Lay your past bare if you really want to make an honest and complete confession. Don't be selective and don't leave any details for the next conversation.

Talk about everything that may have happened in the past since you began the relationship. An elaborate and complete confession will help your partner feel comfortable in accepting that you are genuinely sorry about cheating on him or her.

4) Seek help from your partner's best friend

Take your partner's best friend into confidence and tell him or her about your position openly. Elaborate on how you are genuinely apologetic and how desperately you want a chance from your partner to redeem your actions.

Confessing cheating in your relationship can turn ugly if your partner takes it badly. Name calling can spin out of control and it may be hard to control tempers. Gaining the confidence of your partner's friend will help you to get him or her as a moderator if the situation goes from bad to worse.

5) Apologize in front of close friends and loved ones: Tip for husbands and wives

Husbands and wives looking to do anything for forgiveness can confess cheating in front of close friends or loved ones. A public apology in front of a few close family members or some trusted friends can be an intense way to confess cheating in a relationship, especially a marriage.

The presence of others is likely to add a humble touch to the confession. Having loved ones around may also help in controlling a situation from spiraling into something nasty. This is applicable mostly to married couples.

6) Ask your own best friend to help: Seek help from your mates

You can ask your own best friend to be by your side, just like how you asked your partner's friend to help you out in your confession. Tell your best friend to plead for forgiveness on your behalf. Ask him or her to try to convince your partner that you are repenting your mistake from the very core.

Listening to someone other than you may pacify your girlfriend or boyfriend's anger and rage. Moderation by a third party is known to help during arguments in couples. Get your mate to act like a moderator.

7) Don't justify why you cheated: Take full responsibility of your mistake

Cheating doesn't happen by itself, it takes deliberate effort to cheat. By giving excuses and blaming circumstances for why you cheated, you will only enrage your partner more.

Take full responsibility of your mistake and accept that you faltered. Tell your partner that you made a mistake and take ownership of the consequences. Don't make matters worse by giving excuses like your boyfriend never spent enough time with you or your wife was never in the mood for sex.

8) Show your partner how you plan to correct your mistake: Show willingness to make sacrifices

Think about what you can do to correct your mistake before you confess to your partner. Mention it as you confess so that your husband, wife, boyfriend or girlfriend will see that you are willing to do whatever it takes to save your relationship.

This will show your partner that you are willing to make sacrifices and move forward from your mistakes. Think of practical sacrifices that you can make to redeem yourself from cheating in your relationship.

9) Don't attempt to win any argument: Accept your partner's rants

You will temporarily have to give up on arguing with your partner at the time of confessing that you have cheated on him or her. Accept whatever your partner has to say and don't argue when your partner calls you degrading names in the heat of the moment.

It is acceptable to deny false allegations but don't try to refute your partner's rants that are a result of heartbreak. Succumb to your partner's temporary rage and accept whatever blames and accusations he or she has to put on you.

10) Say I Love You repeatedly when you confess cheating: Follow it up with messages

I Love You, are three words that carry a lot of weight in a relationship. They have a very deep meaning and signify a bond that is more than just attraction. Keep reminding your partner that you love him or her as you confess cheating. It will sound ironic at that moment, but that is a chance you will have to take.

Keep sending your partner text messages and emails that say nothing but 'I Love You', in the days just after you have confessed cheating on him or her. The emotionally resonating effect of these three words is more powerful that you can imagine.

11) Don't force your partner to forgive you: Give him or her enough time and space

Pestering your partner to forgive you instantly or even over a few days may be unfair. Be prepared to give your partner time and space after you have confessed to cheating on him or her.

Keep following up with your partner after you have apologized but don't force him or her to forgive you. You have made a life changing mistake by cheating on your partner. Allow him or her to soak up the situation and decide whether to get a divorce in your marriage or breakup in your relationship.

12) Add a genuine finishing touch to your apology with cards, letters and emails

Bring closure to your confession and apology by pouring your heart out in a handwritten letter, an email or short messages on cards that say 'I am sorry'. Tendering a written apology with a few sweet words will allow your partner to sit on the couch, read it and reflect over the circumstances.

13) Visit a marriage counselor: Tip for married couples

Accessing the services of an expert marriage counselor may be the right thing to do in case of married couples who want to save their marriage but can't seem to move on from the cheating episode.

The final touch to confessing cheating on your husband or wife may be an appointment with a marriage counselor. An expert's perspective into the situation can help husband and wife look move on by looking at the bigger picture.

14) Give your partner a gift that indicates long term commitment

Cheating in relationships comes with a heavy price tag and you must be prepared to make big sacrifices if you want to save your relationship. Show your partner that you are not afraid of commitment and that you are willing to go all the way with him or her.

You can do this by giving a gift that indicates commitment and stability. For example, a boyfriend in a long term relationship can make a down payment on a house as a sign that he wants to settle down and get married with his girlfriend. Before you decide to plunge into such a gift, be sure of your partner's willingness to forgive you and your desire to save your relationship at any cost.


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      pretty boiii 7 weeks ago

      thank you..... Who ever the author is, please reply to this comment, but not the fake author. Now that i know how hard it is for girls to except a boy in their life. And now that i also know why boys cheat is just because girls are like that too. Not only that they also hurt the boys feelings, that's why the boys have this feeling to forget about them or maybe cheat on girls.

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      Jay 18 months ago

      Thank you for the information this has helped me a lot.

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      Nervous Breakdown 4 years ago

      I recently almost had a slip up after being with someone long term who may not be willing to marry, ever. I had trouble coming to terms with it. I confessed because besides seeing him as my best friend, I wanted him to know that I learned so much. I'm human, I make mistakes. I feel abandoned and unloved and need therapy. I only hope that time will heal his trust for me. One almost slip up in many years and I feel like I buried a body in the yard. I hope he knows how sincere I am and why I needed an almost slip to reevaluate how much I do love him and can not imagine my days without him. Did I mention I need therapy?

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      JUDITH OKECH 5 years ago from NAIROBI - KENYA

      Yes, these are very important points if you want to win back his/her trust.

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      Devika Primić 5 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Confessing is not easy but you have shared such valuable points in doing so, thanks for the informative hub on How to confess cheating in a relationship: Apologizing to your girlfriend, boyfriend, wife or husband.