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How to Cope With Rage and Anger in Relationships

Updated on June 28, 2017

What causes rage and anger?

Rage and anger could be brought on by many factors and if it is not controlled or dealt with correctly, it could lead to tragic events and sometimes fatal ones.

People who have rage or anger issues in relationships need to be handled with care in order for the "explosion" to exclude a partner.

Stress can cause rage and anger as for many the declining economical state has left many stresses and some unemployed. Families that need to survive on one salary can leave devastating and stressful effects on the bread winner and this leads to anger or irritability in the household.

Divorce and extra marital affairs could also cause anger and rage as it is an emotional and confusing time for everyone involved. Partners that have been cheated on can become angry and bitter, especially if they have taken back the cheating spouse. Trust becomes a problem and although they wish to believe their partner will not do it again, the very thought of their partner looking in another person's direction can lead to introverted emotions which could build up and cause anger or rage.

Past issues and family history can also be the cause of anger or rage and tempers. Either due to lack of discipline as a child or too much discipline, abuse or viewing abuse in the family home.

Tragic events that have been witnessed could also lead to anger issues as in most cases, the trauma of experiencing something dramatic can have after effects later on if not dealt with immediately.

Anger in Relationships can be Stressful

If relationships are full of anger, they are not worth being
If relationships are full of anger, they are not worth being | Source

What is rage and anger?

Anger and rage is a terrible trait to have as there are underlying issues that need to be dealt with and if not handled will continue to boil up inside until a person loses it and ends up doing something that they regret later.

For some blacking out occurs as they get so angry that the only thing that they can see is the anger that they have. It cannot be controlled and there is no switch in the brain to let them know at that time that they are doing wrong.

Irritation, anger, rage are all forms of anger which started off as feelings first.

When it becomes a behaviour it is caused by suppressed emotions or used to manipulate situations.

People who feel threatened or humiliated by a circumstance where they are being threatened and cannot get their point across will become angry.

Anger is an emotion that everyone feels at some stage in their lives. People get annoyed and angry and this is completely normal as a transitory state. It is a controlled reaction that is shown through words.

Rage is anger that has been suppressed and has erupted. It is a loss of control over emotions that lead to violence and fighting back. Rage is characterised by violence and shouting which if not manged could lead to harmful effects on other people.

Rage offers the offender a false sense of empowerment through shouting and attacking with violent tendencies that cannot be controlled.

Anger can effect relationships if you suppress your emotions
Anger can effect relationships if you suppress your emotions

The effects of rage or anger in a relationship

Insecurities and people who have never been able to defend themselves verbally can become angry. Should they never "win" in an argument or situation then anger will be suppressed and this leads to rage.

Rage in a relationship can cause damaging effects to spouses and children.

Angry outbursts and temper tantrums involving throwing or breaking objects, screaming and swearing at people can be damaging to a family.

Children that are brought up in a home with rage can become angry or introverted as they are helpless and do not understand why a parental figure is not giving them a safe and secure environment.

These children could also lash out at school and become bullies or cause trouble as they have seen that this is the way to communicate their feelings.

Spouses that live with tempered partners can also eventually break down from the stress of having to be cautious with what they say or do and they need to be careful as rage can lead to violence which would involve a spouse getting hurt physically, or even end up in a tragic accident.

People who suffer from rage have no control over their emotions or actions and could physically hurt someone that they feel threatened by.

Help is needed to avoid physical hurt or violence in the home and issues need to be dealt with by professionals.

Getting someone to go for help would need more than a frightened spouse to do but it needs to be done in order for the angry spouse to be able to learn to control their anger.

By keeping up with the tantrums and learning to shut off, you could become emotionally cold, which could effect your children and the people that love you.

Being afraid all the time could eat a person up inside until they finally lash out and learn to defend themselves through rage of their own. There is a domino effect with living in a home full of rage.

Relationships that are effected by rage are no good and not healthy. Loving someone means being able to express yourself and when you are angry, sad, happy or needing to say anything, you should be able to express emotions with ease.

A self hate pattern can form for someone in a relationship that cannot express themselves and let their partners know when something is wrong.

Rage and anger are two different things and for people who do have rage need to learn to manage and control their anger in order to move forward in a relationship.

Do you get angry or do you go into a made rage?

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Anger management

Being angry all the time is unpleasant for everyone and there are ways to manage anger by learning to control it.

Anger is a normal emotion and it is healthy to get angry but you need to learn how to stop anger before it gets out of hand and hurts those around you.

Control your anger before it controls you. Here are a few tips on how to manage your anger.

  1. Count to 10 and take a deep breath, if you feel that this is not working then walk away from the person or situation that is making you angry and once you feel a little calmer than you can go and express your anger in a calmer way.
  2. Exercise can help to control emotions as physical exercise can give you an outlet for anger. Should you feel angry go for a run, walk or swim to give you a release and to obtain some happy hormones.
  3. Before you open your mouth to speak or retaliate, think first. Take a deep breath and if you cannot find it in yourself to say something, then walk away until you can speak calmly.
  4. Find solutions to your anger issues. If there is a regular thing that makes you angry, then speak about it and find a resolution with the help of your family or whomever it is that is making you angry.
  5. Learn to forgive and forget. It is easier said than done but it has to be done in order to have a happy and healthy relationship. If something has upset you and someone has apologised, forgive and move on so that you can move forward.
  6. Look for help if you find that you just cannot control your anger as this will build up and you will eventually find yourself going into the rage stage which will leave you isolated from family and friends.

Control your rage

Rage is the build up of anger that has been suppressed and it is difficult to come back from that once you have developed tendencies for rage.

Learning to control rage is extremely challenging and it cannot be done on your own.

There are a few steps to learn to control rage.

  1. Avoid late nights and get enough sleep
  2. Eat healthy and happy foods that will change your moods
  3. Get exercise and keep fit so that you have endorphines that will create happiness
  4. Find a meditation class and if you are not the type to go to one then get meditation music and play it in your car or wherever you find that you get the most angry
  5. Establish what it is that makes you extremely mad and work on the issue slowly
  6. Past issues and family history that has led you to this point needs to be worked out in order for you to learn to control your anger
  7. Stay away from steroids and things that might trigger mood swings
  8. Anger or rage is ugly for those around you and you need to think of those people and understand that your rage is hurtful and harmful to your family
  9. Keep your distance if you find yourself getting angry and find a way to vent without having anyone close to you witness it
  10. If you experience black outs or violent tendencies than you need to seek help to prevent you from causing harm or damage to others

Anger, Rage and relationships

Rage can destroy relationships and finding a source for your rage can help you get better in order to work on your relationships.

Couples and spouses that are at the other end of your temper can shut down emotionally until they feel absolutely nothing at all.


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    • Tashaonthetown profile imageAUTHOR

      Natasha Pelati 

      5 years ago from South Africa

      King - thanks for your feedback, yes anger is a natural response but for most of us, controlling it is not a problem. The people that cannot control their anger do end up in situations that lead to arrest or spousal abuse either verbal and mental or physical.

    • profile image


      5 years ago

      Anger management: Explore your anger to gain cotornlAnger is natural, but it can be destructive when expressed inappropriately. Gauge your anger level and identify your unhealthy expressions of anger.Do you slam down the phone when faced with endless computerized voice prompts? Have you gotten into a shouting match with a stranger over a parking space at the mall? Ever put your fist through the wall after an argument with your spouse?This is not anger management at its finest. Although anger is a natural emotion, it may be getting the best of you. Instead of expressing your anger in a healthy and assertive way, you may be expressing it in a hostile, aggressive manner — a manner that could lead to violence and a slew of personal and professional consequences.Here are some points to consider when assessing whether you express your anger in a healthy or unhealthy manner, and how to get a better grasp of anger management.Understand your angerAnger itself isn't bad. Expressed appropriately, anger can be healthy. It can help protect you from dangerous situations, energize you to resolve problems or lead to sociocultural reforms, for instance.Sure, everyday frustrations, impatience and resentment can all cause your temper to flare. For many people, these are fleeting moments. They're able to take these situations in stride and quickly return to a sense of calm without exploding.But if your blood boils after minor irritations — such as losing that coveted parking space — or if you're constantly seething, you may need to improve how you're managing anger. Anger that's out of cotornl can be destructive, leading to problems in your relationships, at work, in your enjoyment of life and with your health. You could even be arrested or face other legal problems.Determine your anger levelSo, just how angry are you? This chart is a barometer of sorts. Although it doesn't score your anger, you can use it as a tool to raise your self-awareness about your level of anger.To use the chart, see if the words on the left describe your behavior or thoughts over the past week. Check the ones that apply to your anger.Gauge your angerWordsCheck if it appliesAngryBitterRebelliousSpitefulDeceivedAnnoyedFuriousResentfulBad-temperedReady to fightYellingFrustratedDisappointedIf you have several check marks, your anger level is on the high side. Try using anger management tips for several weeks to see if you can more effectively cotornl your anger. You may also want to consult an anger management professional to help you learn to handle anger in a healthier way and to better understand what's behind your anger. Talk to your health care provider about resources, such as counseling or anger management classes.You can repeat this exercise over time to see if your ability to manage your anger improves. Examine your anger patternsWhy do you tend to fly off the handle more than others seem to? Anger responses can become habitual. That is, you may respond automatically to a situation that makes you angry, with little pause to think about your reactions. The intensity of your anger may even catch you by surprise.How do you express your anger? Consider these questions to assess your anger responses:Do you express anger in a way that overwhelms you and others?Do you get angry more often than most people you know?Do you get angrier than is necessary?Do you use threatening language or gestures?Do you get angry enough to hit, throw or kick things, people or animals?Do you seethe for hours?Do you hide angry feelings from others or try to suppress your feelings?Do you use alcohol or drugs to calm your rage?Do you experience physical reactions such as muscle tension or a racing heart when you get angry?Does expressing your anger usually leave you feeling better about yourself and the person who angered you?Identify the ways you express anger to help you determine if you need to change how you respond to upsetting situations. You may react too aggressively or even too passively. In either case, you can learn new methods to replace old, unhealthy habits. If your level of anger is high or you tend to express anger in an unhealthy way, make plans to deal with your anger.Aim for constructive expressions of your angerAnger management is not about stopping you from expressing your anger entirely. It's OK to feel angry. In fact, trying to suppress or deny your anger can lead to a host of physical complaints, such as headaches, depression, stress, and sleeping or eating difficulties. It can also lead you to erupt into violent behavior if your anger has been simmering without an outlet.The key, though, is to express your anger in an assertive, cotornlled way. Managing anger effectively can benefit you and those around you. Your health may improve, you'll feel better about yourself, and strained relationships may heal when you con

    • Tashaonthetown profile imageAUTHOR

      Natasha Pelati 

      5 years ago from South Africa

      Everyone should know hot to control their anger whether you are in your fifties or in your teens. In the 50's it could be that there is frustration with getting older and wishing for your youth but rage and anger has no excuse. We need to learn to control anger and there are ways to do it, yes exercise could be one and there is a list to follow.

    • profile image


      5 years ago

      A man of 54 years should know how to control his anger and treat his partner with respect. He should choose another outlet such as to do something he loves such as cooking and or exercising and start with what he has and can have and not what he doesn't have or got.


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