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How to deal with Lies, slander and libel

Updated on September 24, 2013

Gossip is an oft ignored problem

The damages inflicted by gossip and slander can be severe. It is not by accident that scripture addresses gossip and the dangers that it can inflict. Gossip is often seen as a minor offense in the eyes of many people, until they have been the victim of such actions. Gossip can concern moral character with allegations of theft, infidelity, cheating, or other actions. It may also include allegations of drug use or criminal activities as well.

Although many people by their nature talk about the actions of others, the intentions may not be of a malicious nature. Spreading misinformation or distorting of facts occur by accident is very different from such actions occurring with a malicious intent. The malicious use of gossip can be based on revenge, political motives, or indirect assault on the person. Revenge minded persons often try to destroy a person’s character indirectly through slander and libel.

Gossip via slander and libel are painful to deal with
Gossip via slander and libel are painful to deal with

What are slander and libel?

Slander occurs when people present another person in a bad light based on lies. Slander is typically defined as being an oral defamation. Typically such slander makes them look bad in terms or morals or moral conduct. Lifting a person up to ridicule and defame their character based on a false representation of facts.

When the defamation which occurs is written, in print or broadcasted it is considered libel. Both slander and libel are considered ‘torts’, and carry with them legal penalties (a tort is a legal suit under civil laws). Like many legal torts, questions quickly arise concerning what constitutes proof or evidence. There are also statutes of limitations on the offenses. Since the statute of limitations on slander and libel are a year, it behooves someone to take action promptly on such issues when they choose to pursue legal remedy for their situation.

Preventing and pursuing remedy

Although a person may be guilty of libel or slander, taking the matter to court and winning the case may be a challenge. The mental status of the person along with their age will be taken into consideration. Many times when people are hurt, they find ways of hurting those they blame for their hurt.

In my case, the slanderer was my mother, and since she was an ‘old woman’, little could be done to keep her from slandering and libeling me and my husband. Since many people often allow little old women to talk, little was done. Even when legal matters were underway, her behavior was excused, citing that “she is just angry”.

It is difficult to prevent others from saying things about you. People often talk. Taking preventative measure such as treating people decently, using manners, and keeping ones reputation in a good light are helpful in dispelling false accusations. Keeping your dealings above board and steering clear of ‘questionable’ people and events are some of the better practices that can keep ones character from being impugned. Even in societies where freedom of speech is controlled” by government policy, they have not been 100% effective in keeping people from gossiping.

I need your opinion on a title

In writing of my personal experiences, overcoming slander, libel and being bad mouthed by my mother which potential book title is more compelling?

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      Cheryl 3 months ago

      I was hired to assist my Nurse Manager to open a NICU in the hospital Since that time I was trained to work nursery assuming that when the NICU was finally opened I would work there. However, one year and four months later, my boss is slandering me telling people that I do not know how to work in nicu fUNNY since I have worked in NICU for the past 34 years. What can I legally do to make her stop this lying.

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      DoveFreexrolo 18 months ago

      Hello There. I found your weblog the use of msn. That is a really smartly written article. I will be sure to bookmark it and come back to read extra of your helpful info. Thank you for the post. I will definitely return.

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      Gary Melari 23 months ago

      Thanks for this site! In being involved in the past with litigation involving slander and defamation of character in out neighborhood and winning our court case it became aware to my wife and I that even the internet had posts slandering and libeling our name. We took steps to dispel these horrible, cruel lies and with the help of our local Police Department and our Attorney have been successful in clearing our name. Interestingly enough there are still ignorant, stupid people out there that are persistent in having nothing better to do than try to spread their misery. Recently my email account was found to be hacked by my provider and cleared [the perpetrator was in Hunan, China, we live in the USA]. Soon after more internet smut showed up and if an intelligent person would check it would see a very poor attempt to make a website look authentic and of course the information posted is lies. We are heavily armed with a strong defense against all who keep these lies going, whether they are all linked or not. Keep your nose to the grindstone and fight these individuals with the same and more determination that they have and you will win! Search your name every day and follow advice from experienced websites that deal with this worldwide sad phenomena. Looking forward to more battles and victories against these falsifications, with gratitude to all sites for GOOD, sincerely Gary Melari. As Rocky said, GO FOR IT!!!

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      Batler 24 months ago

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      JillRivas 2 years ago

      Great Article. Thanks for the info, super helpful. Does anyone know where I can find a blank "sick Form" to fill out?

    • profile image

      dee 3 years ago

      Need some advice how do I go about this please

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      Carter 3 years ago

      There is a couple on our street that apparently love stirring things up.

      These claim to be Christians, but their lies and slander say otherwise.

      The wife is a real drama queen, blows everything out of proportion and starts conflicts with neighbors. The husband doesn't have a spine and goes along with whatever the says. They run around the neighborhood slandering whomever they're mad at, at the time. Currently I am their target. I've love to sue them to put an end to their malicious behavior for once and for all. I don't know if the money is worth it. It might be just to see them squirm in court. Moving is not an option. Besides why let scum like this control my life?! Perhaps in the end people will wise up to their malicious games and no one will want to have anything to do with them. That would seem to be God's natural law and justice.

    • Sue St. Clair profile image
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      Sue St. Clair 3 years ago from I would rather be in Paris

      Looking like someone else definitely has some unique challenges. When you have an 'evil twin' that ruins your reputation, it makes it worse. These are not always family members. There are times that strangers can look like you and ruin your reputation as well. This is bordering on identity theft.

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      Sue St. Clair 3 years ago from I would rather be in Paris

      Sue,

      Restraining orders only work if the abuser wishes to follow them. I have found them to be nothing more than window dressing used by the legal system to make you 'feel safe'.

    • Sue St. Clair profile image
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      Sue St. Clair 3 years ago from I would rather be in Paris

      Vickie,

      It is hard making someone like that from spreading rumors like your sister is, unless they are breaking a law. Even then, with all the laws regarding defamation and slander, there are few law enforcement agencies that enforce them. Sometimes a sternly worded letter from a lawyer can put some fear into such people. When they are crazy or bitter, all they understand if force.

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      Vickie 3 years ago

      I have a crazy sister who has been slandering me my entire life. She has been torturing me my entire life. She has stopped to a whole new low this week. She is convincing other relative that I am calling them from a blocked number and hanging up, calling me a criminal now., I know she is the one doing the calling because it is her MO. I live in Florida and she lives in NY. She is scaring relative in PA with this nonsense. Can I make her stop.

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      Sue 3 years ago

      I have a niece that I allowed to come and live with me and my ex after her Mother decided to move and did not want her to move with her. I should mention that her mother used to slander me when we were growing up. It turns out that her daughter (my niece) turned out to be just as despicable or worst than her own mother. She for some unknown reason turned on me while living in my house and has been slandering me to anyone who will listen, especially members of my own family. My ex has been a very abusive person in my life for many years and I left him with my niece still living in the house with him. She has ganged up with my ex while in my house slandering me, digging into my life with my ex and lying to people in my family about me. It has been about 3 years since I moved out of the house I even moved out of the country and my niece with my ex continues to slander me. I am thinking that I need to get a restraining order against my ex so there is no more interaction with any members of my family because he won't get out of my life and stay away from my ignorant nieces he actually uses them to continue his abuse towards me!! Help what to do!!??

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      Edith 4 years ago

      I am putting up with slandererous gossip as I look like my sister who had problems. I am constantly mistaken for her although I myself have never been in trouble with the police, would never steal or beg, yet because I look like my sister so much I am gossiped about by slanderous gossips.My sister died a few years ago which was very sad but she has left me with her bad reputation. I realy do wish we didn't look like each other.

    • Sue St. Clair profile image
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      Sue St. Clair 4 years ago from I would rather be in Paris

      Thank you for the update. Relationship can be rewarding and frustrating. Risking letting people get close means risking hurt. Keeping them away is safe, but lonely. Finding that sweet spot in the middle ground is the challenge.

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      Damo 4 years ago

      I thought I'd wright again I'm still in the city and things are going my way yeas its hard sometimes but I love it..though I still mis my small coastal town I mis it's physical beauty it's space it's peace and quite I don't however mis all the bullsit,lol.i decided to forgive my slanderers believe me a year ago I could have easily shot them I hated them for all the things they had done....I don't hate them now there not worth that emotion to carry a burden like hate around because of these people is a burden to much,i feel a mixture of pity and contempt I feel sad for the main ringleader it's all unraveling for her people shun her and won't tolerate her bullsit she has few friends and that's sad..but what goes around comes around don't put it out there unless you can take it yourself the thing that saddens me is this personae has a good side that's charming ,witty,clever,sweet a real fun person ..an outsider...and that's the side that everyone wants to be around..but the other side is destructive and nasty because of deep seated emotional problems and self dought and hatred and that's really sad they make there lives unbearable the good side of them is the personae that I mourn and I only wish that one day they would pluck up the courage and go and get so help because life goes past so fast you wouldn't believe it I'd like to go back one day ..but we will see.

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      Mylindaminka 4 years ago

      Как-то pебята застеклили балкон не то что бы новой pyсской, но женщине, сyдя по всемy, не бедной, имеющей 8-и комнатнyю кваpтиpy с соответствyющим интеpьеpом. Hy, там, обстановочка, кpyтой паpкет, железная двеpь, шабла антиквара и аппаратуры, картины и т.д. Чеpез несколько дней после балконных pабот Великовозpастный Сынок (ВС) выешyказанной особы появляется в фиpме моего дpyга и, бyквально со слезами на глазах, пpосит помощи. То-ли по пьяни, то-ли еще как, но в отсyтствие мамы несколько стекол во вновь застекленном балконе оказалось pазбито. Стекла навоpоченные, тониpованные или многослойные - не помню.

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      Sue St. Clair 4 years ago from I would rather be in Paris

      Toillatrealo,

      I appreciate your concern. I have not had a spam problem with this website (hubpages). They take spam and such matters serious. I have been pleased with the work that they have done to make hubpages a trusted and high quality content site.

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      Toillatrealo 4 years ago

      Do you have a spam problem on this website; I also am a blogger, and I was curious about your situation; many of us have developed some nice procedures and we are looking to trade strategies with others, please shoot me an email if interested. scan your pc

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      Sue St. Clair 4 years ago from I would rather be in Paris

      SWV,

      The wounds from friends and family hurt me the most. It is around them that I am most vulnerable, so when they slander me, it hurts worse. After going through some extreme slander myself, I have a greater appreciation for how Julius Caesar felt so betrayed at Brutus, who was his friend being among those stabbing him.

      I often struggled through the torment of "Why?" as I tried making sense out of what happened. I know what they did. I knew what they did. It was hard for me to consider 'Why' they did it. When I tried to consider what could motivate someone to do such a thing to a family member or friend, it felt like I encountered a brick wall. My mind and heart could not conceive of what would motivate someone to inflict such a hurt on someone so close. As time went by, it became clear that 'control' and wanting to hurt others were the big motivators. In my case, the slanderer wanted to hurt me. They could not talk about their hurts, so they chose to inflict hurt rather than talk about it. Although I had not done anything to hurt them, they manufactured some fantasies and delusions of me hurting them so that they could bring themselves to do what they did. They knew that they were spreading lies. They had twisted things around in such a way to make me to be so 'bad' that they felt that it was the right thing to slander me. It gave me a new definition of perverted and twisted. Being perverted and twisted is not just about sex, it is also about lies and slander.

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      SWV 4 years ago

      I find from my experience that it hurts most when its a friend and family member that slanders you knowing that what they have said is so ridiculously false. In my mind I have asked these questions over and over...why? Do they say these things in the honest belief that its true...but when I posted the slanderous stories to other people they could immediately tell the stories were laughably false; just like reproducing a 007 movie. Again, I was more confused when it hit me that these people actually know that what they are saying are lies but they do it...again, I ask why, would somebody knowingly spread stories that they know to be false? These are normal people so the question of mental incapacity does not fly...and it is worse when you have actually gone extra miles to help them in difficult times at your own cost; and what a cost...am still paying the price today! I think forgiveness is too good for them. Revenge is what they deserve. If it takes forever, I know they will stew in their own miserable wickedness; unless there is no God!

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      Jose 4 years ago

      Dear wooowooo, I have been going through exactly same situation. When I was reading your comments, I felt you are describing my situation.

      I am just ignoring this evil elder sister I have and focussing on my career and family.

      Just completely ignore such maniacs and be happy with your job and family. God bless!!

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      Sue St. Clair 4 years ago from I would rather be in Paris

      Wisdomleads4u,

      Thank you for your comment. There are some slanderers who can not be helped. I like your comment about how a therapist can't even help them. What makes it bad is that they often slander you and make you think that you are the problem, and need help, when the exact opposite is the true situation.

      Such people are not happy unless they are slandering. They live off the thrill that such behavior brings them.

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      wooowooo 4 years ago

      I'm so glad I found this site. I've been excluded from family get-togethers for years and have never known why. I suspected my sister was slandering me to my other siblings, aunts, uncles and cousins. I've repeatedly asked my mother about it and why I'm always excluded and asked her whether my sister has been slandering me - and my mother always said "of course not"; My mother would always think of various reasons why I was the only one in the family not invited to weddings, holidays, graduations etc...; I've had a successful career, two great kids and recently ended a long term marriage; I'm a perfectly nice and normal middle class person - never used drugs, seldom drink etc; The holidays are here again and everyone is headed to a big family get- together soon - everyone, that is, except me and my kids who as usual weren't invited. It is so painful. Once again I asked my mom why we weren't invited and first she said it was b/c of my divorce - so I said 'that's funny - for all the years I was married we weren't invited either' so once again I asked if my sister has been slandering me to the family and my mother finally said "of course your sister has been slandering you - she's been doing it for years!' I hung up the phone and I haven't slept in days. My kids and friends have been great - they keep telling me not to worry about it - that those people don't know me (it's true b/c I've been excluded from the family for decades!) and that anyone who would believe the stuff my sister says w/o ever talking to me about it isn't worth worrying about (but they're my family!); Anyway, I guess I just wanted to talk about it with others who know how insidious and hurtful slander is. Years ago when I first suspected it was happening I would make a point to call and visit various relatives during the year just so they could see that I was nice and normal. I've always sent out Christmas cards and tried to keep in touch - but now I feel like what's the point? For the first time in years I don't even feel like sending out cards or calling anyone during the holidays. I would love to sue my sister for all the pain she has caused me but I have no proof - all I have is the fact that I'm never invited when everyone else is and I don't even have any idea what she could possibly be saying about me. Anyway, this time of year is the worst for me - so I appreciate being able to talk about it. Thanks!

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      wisdomleads4u 4 years ago

      Slander is a person true dislike of there inner -being when they continue to slander for revenge and they have such turmiol in there life. Unhappy people seek satisfaction by being JERKS, BULLYS because there life is so unstable . Disfunctional people seem to blame everyone for there problems in life and play the victum game

      to excuse there poor behavior. Familys who slander and lie of thoughs who succeed to lead a productive life with moral values are clear targets of unbalanced people who constantly look for negative in life instead of positive events and goals. These type of people are very restless individuals who a therapist can't even help because they choose not to change there ways and lifestyle. The only solution is to set boundaries and distance yourself from them and there distructive behavior. I also experience the poor behavior of family member who are harboring distorded behavior and hate mannerism because of lifestyle differences and moral beliefs. You cannot win with these personality and there negative mannerism. The slandering even goes beyond me .They express negative malicious remarks to anyone who does not act out in the mannerism they show . They are there own problem and habor mental emotional disorders . I stand firm in my lifestyle with my church and my moral beleifs. Distance from them is the only solution and focus on a positive life with positive achievers in life. The malicious slander of lies they continue to do will be justisfied on the day of judgement with GOD. He sees all ,hears all and knows all. In his hands I TRUST. God Bless you all who endurer such wicked behavior. People will see the true side of who you are and live life with people who care and love you .

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      Sue St. Clair 5 years ago from I would rather be in Paris

      lazarusproject,

      Your situation is a painful one. I understand how you would feel trapped and attacked. Involvement with Adult dating sites often amplify guilt. Since you have repented of that activity, the door is shut. Although you shut the door, it does not mean that others have. Being hounded and harassed is often discouraging, especially from close-knit family minded communities. Sadly, such communities are also known for abusing their wounded rather than helping them. When the close-knit communities becomes strangulating and harassing, you may need to consider what your options are. You could talk with the leaders about their 'provocative' behavior toward you and the slandering. Bear in mind that one of the side effects of the adult world is often some paranoia and imagining that others are out for you, when a big part of it may be your own guilt rather than an organized effort on their part. I also know that some communities can organize in their attacks when they are trying to control the behavior of the members.

      You may need to establish some clear boundaries between you and those who are not safe for you or supportive of you. Once you have boundaries established, then you can work on improving a support system. This step is necessary if you want to protect yourself before you consider other options.

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      lazarusproject 5 years ago

      In my immaturity, I did some morally questionable but legal things such as using adult dating sites, looking at stuff I shouldn't have, and being altogether sexually promiscous. I have since repented of my sin. Well, this close-knit family minded community found out (I don't know how) and they have been contacting everyone I know. I visit online multiplayer gaming sites and they attack me by using provocative names applying to me. They slander my reputation at work (contacting/interveiwing past employers, gathering facts), pass around pictures of me, and have notified both my city police and college campus police. I am suffering from panic attacks every second and want to kill myself. They spy on me and contact anyone I come in contact with about me. I can't forget their hatred towards me, I can't kill myself or I'll go to hell. I don't know what to do. Whenever I search for something on my computer, I hear about my searches through co-worker gossip or chat/names in the lobby of the online game I play. I've visited two psychiatrists and they say my anxiety and panic is the something serious, they are making it worse. My school put in place measures to use the population to spy on each other (reporting other people), its the perfect way to condemn me as most people don't like me bc I don't condone their evil activity and they can report me for even scratching my nose in class. I joked about the colorado shootings at work and management twisted what I said and accused me of being a killer and fired me and notified the police (Bed Bath Beyond). I am tired of torment and prefer death but am scared of facing God. If I had done something wrong, they are the type of people that would take you to court. They haven't though which means they are looking for evidence still and/or have nothing to take me to court for. They can't use their illegally gained information about my web use, because that would condemn them. I wish they would just take me to court, instead everyone is treating me differently and I feel physical pain in my chest whenever someone says something about me or laughs. What do I do?

      -Jamison S.

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      Sue St. Clair 5 years ago from I would rather be in Paris

      damo,

      Restraining orders are good when you can get them. They may muzzle what people can do, but they do not stop mean, evil spirited people from doing their dirty deeds. Slanderers and liars often do not sleep until they have found some way to hurt others with their craft.

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      damo 5 years ago

      michelle they are sad small people who are bitter and jelouse of your youth and succes i would say ignore them but slander and lies can be very damageing esp in small town i suggest going to your lawyer and getting a restraining order we can do that here in england ive had just had to do that,god ive moved on im now in the city by this crazy bag lady obssesed monster is still trying to defame me going up to my friends bullshitting they all told her to get lost and go away ive done this on principal id like to say maybe she will learn from it but shes to stupid ..the restraning order mean that if she spreads anymore lies or slander she is likely to get a fine of £50.000 or 1 years jail time hope full this is the end of the matter of course she will act the victim its wot she does crawling alonge scroungeing sympathy..wot a pitifull useless victim ..michell go to your lawyer and see if you can do the same its the only way to move on ..do it

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      Sue St. Clair 5 years ago from I would rather be in Paris

      Michelle,

      Thank you for sharing. It is heartbreaking hearing how you have been surrounded by people who care more about money and jealousy than seeking out the truth and rejoicing in your accomplishment and stewardship. So many times slander begins with jealousy about what you have or have accomplished.

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      Michelle 5 years ago

      I have been dealing with someone spreading false lies about me and my family. I have two small children and I've been married only 4 years but I have been faithful to my husband the entire 11 years we have been together. I realized that people who are jealous are those who hate and despise your success. I had purchased my home and car and before I got married. A group of people started spreading lies about me when I quit my job and could not find employment for the past 3 years. I was always a very good person who never tried to do anything wrong but what I realized was that people were spreading lies and rumors to try to gain some monetary benefit, like a sort of blackmail of spreading false lies about me for their financial benefit. I have suffered tremendously over the past 3 years because of a jealous persons desire to destroy my life. It started with a co-worker who hated me for no other reason than she said I looked like a teenager and I was in my 30's. I spent several years in therapy trying to get over the emotional trauma that was caused by this person and their group of devious friends in a network spreading falsehoods. I am still trying to get my life together after the lies.

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      Sue St. Clair 5 years ago from I would rather be in Paris

      damo,

      You have some good insights. Those people often 'fall into their own traps' when we do not provide them with a target for their lies, slander and libel. Sometimes the best thing is just to get out of their way and let them fall in.

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      damo 5 years ago

      your very right sue there allways changing the rules the sad thing is most of these people ..ARE THERE OWN WORST ENEMY AND THE ARCHITECS OF THERE OWN MISFORTUNE..but they just cant see it they cant see the bigger picture there to preocupied by there own saddness and sorrow ....this person who was and is still doing her destructive screwed up thing back in that small town is fast becoming the local freak and oddity who nobody realy wants to be around ..she,s destructive and leaves a path of destruction were ever she goes ,she,s allways socialy on the run..i couldn't think of a worse fate..DON'T EVER BECOME LIKE THIS ,DO WELL ,LIVE WELL..DXX

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      Sue St. Clair 5 years ago from I would rather be in Paris

      Well said Damo.

      The slanderers do not want to see you as human, or having any sense of worth. Keeping you down is their way of making themselves important. When you do well, they loose their sense of purpose. Your success invalidates what they have been trying to achieve. They often want you to 'play their game'. Recall that just because you see the ball they are playing with does not mean that you know how they play. They are always changing the rules on you when you play 'ball' with them.

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      damo 5 years ago

      the best revenge against these assholes ..IS TO DO WELL ..doing well in your life,becoming stable ,sane sorted,being well ,physically,mentaly,emotionaly...BECOMING HAPPY AND CONTENTED..having fun,nice freinds,good relationships..everything these monsters are not become the complete opposite of them..keep away from them there digging there own graves they behave the way they do becouse there lives arent working for them..SO DON'T BECOME LIKE THEM..don't seek revenge or be dragged into petty wars move on and away doing well in yourself and life is revenge enuff..dxx

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      Sue St. Clair 5 years ago from I would rather be in Paris

      momo,

      Thanks for stopping by and commenting. You will find that you often get out of it what you put into it. Adding to the conversation helps everyone.

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      momo 5 years ago

      Hi all

      Your comments are so helpful and comforting because I know that I am not alone. I really likef what damo said because moving forward and not being imprisoned by crazy monsters is the sweetest revenge and the best self reward

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      damo 5 years ago

      lol its funny ive just spent 10 days in the small town ive just fled from,lol,i looked after a good trusted friends appartmen,cats,and store it was loverly seeing her [she was very good to me ]and it was wonderfull and warm seeing other friends down there...but within 48 hours id run into the said ex friend and peddler of lies and guess what bullshit appeared on..facebook....you know it was this time like water of a ducks back,i just didn't give a shit about it and we all laughed and did impretions of the main suspects adding embelishments i just dosent mean anything to me anymore i have moved on..which is a liberation and i hope all the other people on here who have been hurt find the strenghth to move on also ..goodluck dxxx

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      Sue St. Clair 5 years ago from I would rather be in Paris

      Shannon,

      I am not sure who or where you can go to about this. A lot depends on what country you are in, the laws they have on such matters. There may be some agency or department that deals with such matters. It is sad that such practices continue here in the 21st century.It is even sadder that some people have been found to fake such incidents in order to get attention. The false reports often make it harder for the real incidents to be handled with the attention they deserve.

      I suspect that such incidents will likely increase with the fragmented state of many modern societies combined with worsening economic pressures and less civility in disagreements.

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      Shannon 5 years ago

      who should you go to if racial comments/slurs are being wriiten on walls of your workplace and knowone is doing anything about it?

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      Sue St. Clair 5 years ago from I would rather be in Paris

      Youngmum2,

      You go girl!

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      Youngmum2 5 years ago

      Thank you sue and will look it all up there just being horrible cause taking them to court as git attacked by one of them n am pregnant aswell all cause went the police bout getting harnessed by them all

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      Sue St. Clair 5 years ago from I would rather be in Paris

      Youngmum2,

      My heart goes out to you , although I have no advice. From some of your comments, it sounds like you are under British law, which is very different from where I live regarding what constitutes slander, etc. You may want to learn what the definition of slander is where you live. Knowing that will help you know when you can take action.

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      Youngmum2 5 years ago

      Hi I am after advice I have disowned all my family due to having a horrible child hood and lately I had emails off family members being horrible on Facebook so took them police and they warned the people to leave me alone only to be shoved and screamed at in the street by a male member of the family ( I am gravely pregnant ) and had my younger baby with me to so police are dealing with this as a result of me filing charges my best mate got email off one family member of mine saying there going to sue her for slander as she put on her face wall ( some people are pathetic and need to get a life and leave them alone you sick bastards they have done nothing to deserve this) she then revived a comment under it sayin what happened so she replayed my mate got attacked n she's gravely pregnant n nearly went in to labour) . She did not mention any of them family members names can she still get sued for slander as what she put on her own facewall was true and I have audio evidence of what happened to me that day which the police have please help x

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      Sue St. Clair 5 years ago from I would rather be in Paris

      So Sad,

      Thank you for sharing. It was overwhelming just going through your description of what happened in your life. It reminded my of a bad horror film script where the heroine can't escape a terrible situation, and is being chased by a family of sick people.

      You have lost a lot. Not just your mom, but your innocence, and some semblance of decency with your siblings. It pains me that you were placed in a situation where you had to keep the secrets.

      This may be a good time to let a lot of things go. I am reminded of a saying that is popular in recovery groups..."Your as sick as your secrets". The first time I heard it, it hit me hard. I realized I needed to let go of some things and quit keeping secrets. It has taken time, but it was worth it to me to let go of the secrets and get healthy.

      My heart goes out to you.:(

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      So Sad 5 years ago

      I come from a very narcissistic family. One brother molested me and my younger sister, from ages 7 and 9. My younger sister, who is actually a psychotherapist, has never been able to come to terms with the abuse. She has told almost no one. We confessed to each other about it, in our 20s, but she has not done the therapeutic work, to deal with the damage. I spent years in very helpful therapy, and have done much work, toward healing. She's an alcoholic, and flies off the handle easily, then accuses me of being the problem. Since she can't admit the real reason for her pain, she blames me for all of her pain, growing up and bad-mouths me. Our issues were basic normal sibling rivalries. She always felt mom liked me best. She has admitted to me, a self-diagnosis of borderline personality disorder. She told a lie about me, to my 2 brothers and my older sister, and I had to listen to my brothers, including the abuser, yell at me, for an hour or so, each, because they got sucked into believing the lie. A BIGGIE, that I can't forgive. She claimed I brought my mom close to tears, on the day when my mom and I told her that my mom was trying to get my older sister out of the executor position, and put it with a neutral party, outside the family, and we told my younger sister, the day my older sister gave me information showing she'd had my mom declared incompetent, specifically to consolidate her own power. My younger sister completely ignored what my mom really said, that day, since she thinks my older sister will favor her, over me, in the estate distribution. Although according to an atty, she (older sister, executor) can't screw me, even though she's vowed to. My mom did favor me, with gifts, and my siblings want to even the score. I was not able to help my mom, to switch her will, after that, even though she wanted to. My mom just passed away, and the loss is devastating. Living with the feelings and the bad family blood is overwhelming. The irony is that I was the one daughter that my mom could count on not to condescend to her or be bratty, like my sisters. My mom confirmed, what I already knew, that I did not bring her close to tears, that day, or any day, and that she could count on me, specifically, among the girls, to speak respectfully to her. That doesn't remove the pain, of feeling like I lost my whole family, with my sister's lie and my mother's passing. My older sister is a classic narcissist, too. The one brother who I thought was reasonably reasonable is wrapped around the pinky of my older sister. Older sister is a serial sibling hater, as I say, and is against me, this time. She's hated on everyone, except the brother I thought was reasonable. I realize now, he's hated on whoever the older sister was hating, at any given time. I have great, close, life-long friends, who really "get" me, and my family situation. Thankful for my friends, but grieving my family, most especially, my mom's passing. Cousins coming from far away, and I have to pretend everything is okay. Kind of used to that, as I hid the sexual abuse, for decades, since my brother threatened suicide, if I divulged the abuse. After all is said and done, I will not be keeping anybody's secrets, anymore. Got to hold on, to grieve my mom, and let us all grieve. Sad, even though my sister is messed up, I love her dearly, but don't think I can ever forgive her, for this lie. It's possible, she dissociated, as borderlines may frequently do, but she seems to believe herself. No matter what, I am too hurt, to let this slide. I feel like an orphan, but everyone will expect me to move on, and get along. I can't, won't be forgiving and forgetting. I don't think I'll speak to my siblings again, soon. So much more, to the story, of course. Thanks for reading, and letting me vent.

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      Tracey 5 years ago

      Many thanks I wrote back ignoring their remarks and let them know he could write to his son anytime I have so much respect for my son who is such a positive person

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      Sue St. Clair 5 years ago from I would rather be in Paris

      Tracey,

      When lawyers and/or solicitors are brought in, the likelihood of lies, slander and libel increases dramatically. The lawyers/solicitors often look at the situation very differently. They take the approach that the burden of proof is on you to disprove whatever is said about you. I know it is a sick form of game-menship, yet that is what they do, since they do not care about the truth, but only in winning the case for their client. I had to remind myself of this when I was accused of stealing, abusing, poisoning others, etc. The more way out the accusations made against me, the more I had the burden of proving that it was a lie.It is not fair--it is the legal system.

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      Tracey 5 years ago

      His solicitor wrote accusing me of being emotionally unstable and requesting a DNA I agreed as long as he informed csa he didn't I did his payments were reviewed payments up to £480 a month I and my son have not seen him or spoke to him in 14 years I wonder who is unstable what goes around comes around yet I have never put this man down to his son

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      Tracey 5 years ago

      I left my ex after 2 years he stopped seeing our when he turned he was paying £100 per week csa I never heard from him again his payments went down to £5 per week he is self employed anyway 15 years later my son contacted his half brother and had no reply I contacted his father saying .... Is showing an intetest

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      Sue St. Clair 5 years ago from I would rather be in Paris

      alone,

      It is painful to hear about all that you have been through. I would say that it is hard to believe that people can be that mean, but I have learned that they can be that mean and meaner. Slander and lies are tools used by some people to control others. It is a way of enforcing compliance and or silence. Given the experiences you have survived, it makes sense that you would be suspicious of others and be on guard against others taking advantage of you. The exploiters then use your vigilance as 'proof' that you are paranoid or some other label.

      When you are being slandered, your children are being sexually abused and you are being kept in the dark about family issues, it is NOT paranoia. It sounds like there are some in your adoptive family that never want to let you into the 'inner circle' and be fully accepted. That is tragic.

      It does not sound like your neighbors are nice people either. Some communities are as bad as families about not accepting people. It hurts being shut out of things. When you need support the most they turn their back on you.

      Those who torment others often try to isolate them physically, relationally and mentally. Comments like "no one would ever believe you" only serve to emotionally isolate you and get you to question yourself. It will be important that you trust your own gut, and your own mind rather than other people trying to tell you what to think or devaluing you.

      You are courageous for homeschooling your children. I wish you well in that endeavor. I am glad that you found the hub. You are not alone. Slander and libel are often used to terrorize people and get them to question even their own thinking.

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      alone 5 years ago

      I didn't know so many people go through slander and libel. It's comforting to me to know I am not alone in this. I have been slandered by my husbands family for the last 13 years. I am also adopted and my "adoptive sisters - 3 of them" also lie about me. I've gotten word from my mom of "some" things said to try to get her against me and think evil of me. Things I amm NOT confronted with. I also came across statements made by one of my mother's other daughters in a file from my mothers medical file that was exposed accidentally to me of statement she made about me to try to keep me from acessing any information regarding my mom's health condition. Another of my mom's daughters have also gone to the school where my children attended 5 years ago and told them things that I do not know what has actually been said. But the schoool began treating my children horribly as well as myself. Lying to them about me and giving leading statements for them to agree with. (In which my kids didn't agree with b/c they weren't true), I've had my name forged on school document to get them invovled in school counseling, which I left entirely up to my kids if they felt they wanted to go. I have requested any notes on my children and myself in attempts to get this information so I can take the people who caused all the confusion to court or atleast confront the person(s) involved. But that only made them more aggressive and suspicious of me. My family has tried claiming my "birth" mother was scizophranic (spl?) who died when I was 6 - and so therefore I also have a mental illness. They have lied about my children to use against me. My husbands family has made me out to be a child abuser, abusing my children and his - THOUGH NO legal action or investigations have EVER been brought to me. This is all behind my back. I have never been legally investigated. But what it has done, is cause my children to suffer psychological abuse from every school they attend in attempts to try to get them to say things about our family - and get me caught for something I've never even done. I have been accused of coaching my children, abusing my husband, a big fat liar, angry, psycho, mentally ill, and more. I can't make friends - because whoever is behind this follows our where abouts and calls to "inform" and "warn" to protect other children as well as my husband and our children. My husband only speaks well of me and people think it's a cover. However - My children suffer from this just as much. I fear beginning my own business, that it will keep me from clients and supporting my family financially. My children have been shot at and been told they would go to jail for defending themselves by an officer. My children have been sexually abused by certain people within my husbands family, then turned it around that I was hateful and being malicious to them because I control my husband and try to keep his family out, using the fact that there was no medical findings to "prove" the incidents occurred. My in-laws' church hated me - the whole church and they don't even know me. All it takes is for my name to be mentioned and they look at me with fright and stay away from me while trying to "protect" my children and get them away from me. The schools use the friends they make there to try to get information about me/us. Everyone thinks I'm hiding behind my husband. We had a landlord come into our home when we weren't there - stalk and walk around the property - talk to neighbors about us - peering in through the windows - slander us at churches (he was also a pastor) - had police do child welfare checks (which always came out good)- I would have people pretend to be my friend to later find out that they would pretend to confide in me about things they have done to try to get me to confess to things I've never done, and pass whatever they can conjure up and distort from wat I've said about anything to have it rementioned to me from other people. My family and my husbands family have even worked together. I have lost every friend I had - and on facebook severeal years ago, as I was in touch with school friends - now won't have anhything to do with me and would make indirect comments to me. I've had people walk around every property we lived at since my husbands 2 other kids came to live with us, shining falights in our house, scratching on the doors posing to be a dog, driving by taking pictures and skidding off, neighborhood kids wanting to see my childrens diaries and personal information they write down. My children being lied about and made out to have problems that identify with being abused/living in an unstable environment. Yet my children are exceptional, but wounded from all this craziness. My 2 step children wrote "fake" diaries about me and my kids that have circulated. When they lived with us would brag about how fighting someone was all about strategy. My children aren't believed. I have told people that if they think my children are in danger at home to call the law. I've told people to bring on an investigation that I deserved a FAIR legal investigation. Never happened. We love in seclusion and hide our life from everyone because people use anything to warp to confirm whatever they've heard/read. I even had people telling me when I confronted them that I was imagining all this - I have been told "No one would ever believe me". Every day I think about suicide. Though it's not an option. My kids need me and I am now pregnant with our fifth child. (and no it's not hormonal. this goes well beyong pregnancy) I've recently pulled my kids out of school because of the emotional abuse and danger the school's dean was doing to my son and the head games from 2 other staff at the school with me. My youngest son's vulnerability by age and innocence is used by staff personel to get information. They groom my kids and gain their trust to monopolize my kids, circumstances, and their character. I am forced to homeschool - which I love to do - but I have to work, too. I live for my kids. I would never want my kids to go through what I went through and lose their mom. but I keep my head high in public and hide it all. At home I am depressed and wait to die. My children have no clue, I carry a strong persona in the fronting of others. But I feel helpless and devestated. There's so much we have been through, that its trauma - not just hurt. I am alone.

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      Sue St. Clair 5 years ago from I would rather be in Paris

      Damo,

      I wish you well. There is a time to fight the slander/lies/etc. and a time to move on from them. I wish you well in moving on. I took that option myself, and have not regretted it. The slanderer in my case had poisoned just about anything and anyone they came in contact with. I hope that you find a job soon.

      All the best!

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      damo 5 years ago

      thank you all for the support on her much appretiated,i know live in the big city and i feel such freedom its wonderfull things are going my way i don't have to have eyes in the back of my head and endure bad press and bullshit about me no body knows me here i can be whoever i want to be i haven't been near that small town for 5 mounths i just don't wanna go back [maybe in a couple of years]i still keep in contact with good trusted pals there via e,mail and phone but i just don't wanna go anywere near that place sometimes i feel sad for the place ,but its a small town with no jobs anymore no money,deep in recetion people are bored skint futureless they bullshit and shitstir becouse they have nothing going for them they suck and there lives suck ive tryed to understand to find so pity..but i cant becouse the slander and bad press put out about me was so vile ,twisted,sick and very very harmfull all i can do is move on and try to forget make a good life for myself and my advice for anyone unfortunate enogh to find themselves in a simmilar situation..get outta there,go,leave its not worth staying,you will allways be viewed with suspition just leave..good luck damoxxx

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      Sue St. Clair 5 years ago from I would rather be in Paris

      Hannah and Terry,

      I chose not to include your comment, since they provide your email addresses and I am not able to edit comments. Given the nature of slander, and how information like email addresses is often abused, I choose not to post that information. I hope that you understand my reason for taking such action.

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      Sue St. Clair 5 years ago from I would rather be in Paris

      lindagon,

      There are times that slander leaves you feeling powerless. In such situations, it is important to not allow the slander to work its 'magic' on you and leave you feeling that way.

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      Sue St. Clair 5 years ago from I would rather be in Paris

      Margaret,

      You may want to consider attending a different church. When the pastor is not speaking the truth in love, there are big problems in the church.

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      Sue St. Clair 5 years ago from I would rather be in Paris

      Hurt,

      Slander most often focuses on either accusations of drug abuse or sexual misconduct.In terms of getting a lawyer, since I do not know where you live and what laws you are under, it is hard to give you a definitive answer. The laws of the various countries that readers come from makes such an answer tough.

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      Sue St. Clair 5 years ago from I would rather be in Paris

      Heather Roessler,

      There are plenty of old sayings about the wrath of a scored woman. It is often touchy as to how best handle such a situation. If they won't listen to you, they will not likely listen to a lawyer. They may also be trying to pick a fight. Ex-spouses often try to keep whatever connections they had alive, even in a negative way. You may want to weigh your options and consider what you would gain and what you would loose in seeking further actions to stop her.

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      Sue St. Clair 5 years ago from I would rather be in Paris

      Geo,

      The pain and trauma of slander is intense. In terms of false accusations of abuse, there are hundreds of parents that have landed in jail or lost their children due to false allegations. The mental health field, courts and law enforcement needs to do a better job of separating out false reporting and real child abuse (but that will get me on another soap box).

      I agree, to be slandered is to be wounded, in a very painful way.

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      Sue St. Clair 5 years ago from I would rather be in Paris

      Misconception,

      Thank you for sharing your story. It hurts being hurt and betrayed by one's own family. That is a terrible accusation she made. I have often seen a pattern of how slanders often accuse others of what they are doing.In your case, it sounds like that is the case.

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      Margaret L. Burns 5 years ago

      I have had an ongoing harrassment and slander situation from "church" people, including a pastor. It is extremely hurtful and I seem to be powerless to stop it. This particular pastor slandered me in the past after I left employment there. I am a moral, stable Christian woman and these people are spreading rumors all around. What do I do about this? It is ongoing harrassment.

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      lindagon 5 years ago

      I was slandered by my half sister. She falsely accused me of something I did not do. She assaulted me by calling my phone and left a very angry message. She said ugly words and threatened to beat me. All for nothing. She refuses to talk to me so I can get to the bottom of this. This has hurt me deeply. She has taken a lie and tried to justify it. I can feel and see the doubt in my family's eyes, when I tell them I am innocent and it is not in my character or nature to do such things and I would never hurt anyone. This has affected me to no end. It has totally disrupted my life. I feel so much anger at her for saying such vicious lies and do not know what to do. The only little comfort I get is that I took the voicemail she left on my phone and she was issued a citation. I can't help but Hate her. I've never felt so much anger and hatred; I am usually a very pleasant person and love people. I don't want to feel this hatred, but I don't know what to do anymore. I am very depressed.

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      Hurt 5 years ago

      I have a family member that is using a social media site to tell my friends that my husband is a drug dealer and that we are both drug addicts. I do not know what to do. I have deleted my account on the social media site, but I am still being told by mutual friends that she is doing this. What can I do? This has been going on for far too long, and I am considering pressing charges or getting a lawyer.

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      Bobby P 5 years ago

      Scotland. I reals I didn't put enough info into my comment, but thanks very much for your reply. I am reading other comments on your page and they are both eye opening and interesting

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      Heather Roessler 5 years ago

      My husband is being slandered/libeled on the internet by his exwife. How do we get her to stop? Hire a lawyer?

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      Geo 5 years ago

      Being slandered by a friend or family member is especially hurtful. My father-in-law told my other family members that I abused my wife and daughter.

      My former boss told all of my former co-workers that I hacked into their email accounts, and that I quit the job because I was caught. I actually phoned him to confront him on this, and he just lied and said that he didn't say these things.

      You can try to tell yourself that these things aren't personal, but they are. They're extremely painful and hard to forgive. Our Father in heaven understands, and is there to help us forgive . . . but it's still difficult. When I see these people, the pain is triggered again. To be slandered is to be wounded.

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      Sue St. Clair 5 years ago from I would rather be in Paris

      Misconception,

      Thank you for writing to me. I can relate to much of what you said. Your comment, "but only love you if you are doing the job they don't want to do" hits the nail on the head. It sounds like all the stories and slander are about keeping you under control, reinforcing their positions and dropping a load of guilt on you so that you continue caring for your mother.

      Rather than have you care for her out of a motivation of love, they are resorting to using guilt, manipulation and control, which are not good motivators if someone wants good care. They work, but are detrimental in the long run.

      You deserve a medal for the sacrifices you have made in caring for her. It is sad that she does not show appreciation for what you have done. Those who use libel and slander to motivate others are often blind to things done out of love.

      I know the pain of being hurt by someone close to you. It devastated me, to think that my own mother could stoop to the things she did. I did not understand her evil acts and still do not see how she could sleep with herself after what she did to my family and me. Although I have forgiven her, I am not about to let her back into my family's life and rip it up again with her lies, slander, and hurting accusations.

      You may want to think about exit plans. When things escalate, at what point will you and your family have had enough? This is a tough question, but a necessary one. Even when architects design buildings, one of the first things they put in the design are the exits.

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      Sue St. Clair 5 years ago from I would rather be in Paris

      Bobby P.

      I am no fan of social services, and have personally seen more damage done by them than help done by them. In your situation, I do not know enough to tell you what to do or where to go for help since I am not sure where you are writing from. I also do not know how my limited awareness of resources could be of assistance in regaining custody.

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      Bobby P 5 years ago

      I am trying to help a friend get her daughter back from her x partner the matter is in hand of a social work dept He accuses her of drunkenness and endangering the child, and the social work dept are believing him, the fact is he drinks daily also uses cocaine regularly and passes the child on to is new partner and her family to allow him to go to pubs, weekend away with THE BOYS, he regularly phones to shout abuse at her when he's drunk or wasted on cocaine,which upsets and depresses her,he also taunts her that she will never get her daughter back.I have been close to her on a daily basis for over a year and she has never had alcohol but no one will believe this, as the social work report state she has alcohol issues. where can she get help

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      Misconception - corrected copy 5 years ago

      I found myself writing almost a book, and had to stop myself. Suffice it to say that I too have suffered slander at the hands of my own mother. Not once, but twice. She first told a member of my family that I had had an affair years ago with an old boss of mine. This was a blatant lie. Then she told my niece and nephew that I was mean to her (because I had asked her to get her own phone line - instead of sharing ours for free) --she was receiving calls from my niece at a rate of 13 per day beginning at 7:30 a.m. -- The nephew posted this on facebook that I had been mean to her. He also told me to "go apologize to your mother". That was the straw, so to speak, that broke the camel's back. She has been in my care (because no one else wanted the responsibility of taking care of her for 25 years. She has had both hips replaced twice on each side with three of them from falls -- she has severe osteoporosis. This "nephew" has never even called her on the phone. He has never visited her here in her home - EVER. He lives 1.5 hours away from her. Yet because of his gossiping sister and my gossiping mother, he believes he knows everything that has gone on in this house for the entire time she has been here. That was the end of it. It was hard enough that she actually lied about me having an affair (the funny thing is I know of at least four men she has had affairs with while still married - but kept this to myself because I was trying to protect her reputation - of all things, believe it or not), but because she is now 84 years old, "she's just old" is the only excuse I hear about her slandering. Needless to say, I told her she had to leave. The next step, I feared would be that she would lie and say that I had hit her or hurt her or threatened her. Now, one of my brothers is in charge of her and I tried to call him the other day and he hung up on me twice and wouldn't let me speak.

      Now, I will not force myself upon any of them. It is better to be alone than to have family that say they love you -- but only love you if you are doing the job they don't want to do. I can deal with being without them because I figure they never loved me to begin with and if that is the case, I am better off without them. What I cannot deal with is my own mother in my home lying about me. That's my story. It is sad, but true. As a footnote, I would like to add that in that 25 years, my mother was provided a room approximately 16 X 30 feet long with her own bathroom and walk in closet for free. She was never charged any type of rent or charged anything for phone service, satellite television, electricity or any other amenities such gasoline to go to the doctor or even payment for gas when when we had to drive a round trip of 1600 miles to pick her up after she had fallen at my brother's house and bring her back home to get yet another hip replacement. She was never charged for the ramps we had built for her wheelchair or the dinners I cooked and delivered to her lap, or the laundy that I did for her while she was unable to do those things...it's funny no one ever mentions those things, isn't it? The last thing I would like to say is that I managed to do those things with the help of my husband, holding down a full time job as a medical transcriptionist and being diagnosed with diabetes Type II, mixed connective tissue disease, anemia, vitamin B12 deficiency and vitamin D deficiency for the last 5 of those 25 years.

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      Misconception 5 years ago

      I found myself writing almost a book, and had to stop myself. Suffice it to say that I too have suffered slander at the hands of my own mother. Not once, but twice. She first told a member of my family that I had had an affair years ago with an old boss of me. This was a blatant lie. Then she told my niece and nephew that I was mean to her (because I had asked her to get her own phone line) -- she ws receiving calls from them at a rate of 13 per day beginning at 7:30 a.m. -- They posted this on facebook that I had been mean to her. They also told me to "go apologize to your mother". That was the straw, so to speak, that broke the camel's back. She has been in my care (because no one else wanted the responsibility of taking care of her for 25 years. She has had both hips replaced twice on each side with three of them from falls -- she has severe osteoporosis. This "nephew" has never even called her on the phone. He has never visited her here in her home - EVER. He lives 1.5 hours away from her. Yet because of his gossiping sister and my gossiping mother, he believes he knows everything that has gone on in this house for the entire time she has been here. That was the end of it. It was hard enough that she actually lied about me having an affair (the funny thing is I know of at least four men she has had affairs with while still married - but kept this to myself because I was trying to protect her reputation - believe it or not), but because she is now 84 years old, "she's just old" is the only excuse I hear about her slandering. Needless to say, I told her she had to leave. The next step, I feared would be that she would lie and say that I had hit her or hurt her or threatened her. Now, one of my brothers is in charge of her and I tried to call him the other day and he hung up on me twice. Now, I will not force myself upon any of them. It is better to be alone than to have family that say they love you -- but only love you if you are doing the job they don't want to do. I can deal with being without them because I figure they never loved to beging with and if that is the case, I am better off without them. What I cannot deal with is my own mother in my home lying about me. That's my story. It is sad, but true.

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      Sue St. Clair 5 years ago from I would rather be in Paris

      Liz,

      Thank you for sharing. I suspect that much of what the world considers 'bullying' these days are actually forms of slander. Facebook just gives them new ways of intimidating and hurting others.

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      Sue St. Clair 5 years ago from I would rather be in Paris

      Damo,

      I hate that you had to leave your home town. When slander turns into a conspiracy, things get nasty fast. I suspect that a lot of stories about the weird people in small towns is actually rumor mills attacking people that are unique. What goes around does come around as they say. A person cannot stir up such stink and not have it stick to them in some manner as well.

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      Sue St. Clair 5 years ago from I would rather be in Paris

      Ann,

      Having a mother who libels and slanders you is terrible. You have the pain of the lies, and slander coupled with the intensity of pain only a mother can inflict and the isolation they can create. It is a nightmare that feels like it can not be escaped from. My experience is that some of the people from that generation had some severe problems to where they destroyed their children rather than loved them. Control is used rather than love when it comes to motivating them. It is tragic.

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      Liz 5 years ago

      I too was a victim of libel from an ending friendship of many years. This person put libel entries on Facebook on the status update wherby this blasts to all of their walls and their friends walls and to cell phones. I would like to press charges for this and just might. I think people need to think b4 they write....putting things in writing is much more severe and harsh than saying behind one's back. I think it totally disgraceful to defame people on Facebook or any other social media fr that matter....i extend my sympathies and can empathize with others that have been hurt. But, I do agree that a persons mental state can be a huge factor in their actions.

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      damo 5 years ago

      slander is such a vile thing to do ,esp untrue slander,ive just fled from my home town,lol i couldn't get out of there quick enough after 18 mounths of the most sick and twisted untrue slander by an ex freand i mean realy sick slander the type were people id previously talked to would avoid me i felt under siege and id made the grave mistake of renting with one of her close freands so i could do nothing i defended myself when i could but basicaly i had to take it .this person and there little gaggle of co conspiriters treated me like shit i wrote[never ever commit anything to wrighting ever]and told her of in the most constructive way becouse i was very fond of her..i thought she was my freand..big mistake she has done everything she can to destroy my life to the point were ive had to leave town..untrue romours in a small town stick like shit to a blanket they don't go away people embelish them till they become something very very sinnister and you become the local freak and bogieman..i will visit my hometown again becouse i have some real great freands there who rose up and defended me i was very tuched ..but the damage has been done..and i am seen as the local frak and bogieman..but you know karma swiftly visits and wot goes around comes around and for thease vile pedlers of bullshit and hate ..there are very dark and black clouds on the horizon for them..dxxx

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      Ann 5 years ago

      Have to add, she also abused me mentally and physically while I was growing up and at one time told me I was all kinds of bad things, actually all the things she was! So I had zero self esteem, couldn't even talk to people.

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      Ann 5 years ago

      What's worse than having your own mother bad-mouth you and ruin your relationships with people even your own son. My mother did this to me starting in my teens. For years I thought about why she was like this and the conclusion I got is that her image was all important, as most people, but she conceived me before she married my father and that was in the 1940's when it usually didn't happen so she made me out to be bad to everyone, so if her sin was ever made known, people would say you paid for it by having a bad daughter, which by the way, I wasn't in the least, just the opposite. It caused me more suffering than you can even imagine.

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      Sue St. Clair 5 years ago from I would rather be in Paris

      Louise,

      You are right when you say that those in the dark can not stand the light. After sorting medications for an elderly mother on a daily basis, it hurt when she accused me of poisoning her food and tampering with her medications. Thing became even more tragic, when she took matters to court and rather than look at the evidence, the Judge just commented that 'an old woman wouldn't lie'. I had smoke coming out of my ears at that point.

      Rather than get on my soap box, I'll just say, that I understand about how what started as caring for an elderly person was twisted into something ugly. I hate hearing that you had to go through that.

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      Sue St. Clair 5 years ago from I would rather be in Paris

      Anon,

      That is a tough one. I don't know what to tell you in terms of what action you can take other than to talk to a lawyer about it, since you have an investment in it. Since it is a private group, your options may be extremely limited.

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      Sue St. Clair 5 years ago from I would rather be in Paris

      txmommy,

      Those early life misjudgements and mistakes are often twisted into something that even we can not recognize. Slanderers are often self-righteous and think that they are doing the world a favor in attacking others. I encourage you to continue rising above their level of slime.

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      Louise 5 years ago

      Oh my...how sadly familiar. I have been slandered destructively by seven vengeful "guilty" individuals over 15 years. First an abusive husband who's wife was dying,told me of horrible mental and phyical abuse...before and when she was so ill...she begged me not to leave her alone with him. I confronted him,shared info with all involved and he was barred from being alone with her. She died and he began a campaign to destroy my professional life by accusing me of having killed her with medications (he was my father-in-law!) A few years later, two of my ex husbands went to chief of police accusing me of hiring the mafia to beat them up ! Based on being from New jersey and having (really) a cousin Vinnie...it was a family joke...but apparently taken seriously by my ex. Then a separation and divorce ..a new girlfriend...and both the ex and GF began lying to everyone. In court,he did get caught...but in the community...it went on and on. Then...(I am a professional nurse since 1969)...a really crazy nursing director attempted to use me as an example of her power....threatening with loss of license and medication errors etc. Thank goodness I have a sharp memory and not easliy rattled. I questioned her investigation and allegations carefully and she lied...and I was able to prove it. he was soon fired. Latest....my own mother turned vicious. She became very ill at age 89...could not stand rehab in care facility, I arranged home care and took her to her home and stayed assisting paid caregivers...while I was using a walker a mionth after I broke my leg. Hopice was arranged and she only asked once for morphine before she became comatose for 3 days. Not indicating pain at all,she received nothing. She came out of that state alert...in charge...and mean. Mind...she did not have an infection...had no mind altering drugs...no senility at all. She demanded that the people who she had given power of attorney etc.(they live 600 miles away) to come immediately and take her away. My eldest daughter came and upon her arrival my mother began ranting about how I had tried to kill her with morphine. The one thing she knew had happened with my mother-in-law and how terrible it was and how I had to protect myself etc. My daughter took me out of there, she was shocked and in tears but saw how vicious my mother could be. A few years before she had tried to garner sympathy from two of my nurse friends telling lies about me (they of course told me).

      It was so shocking and scary...I took all the drugs out of the house...called law enforcement to request they please check contents etc.(wrong move ! They told me I was wrong to do that...OOPS). So her POAs took her away and she died about a month later in their care. They were old friends of mine....but are now so cool and secretive towards me.

      Lessons learned. I will never ever again take care of anyone without 24/7 witnesses. I will always document every little thing . I will always have witnesses to any sensitive or controversial conversations. And above all...avoid like the plague those who have something to hide, some ax to grind, some point to prove...anyone who seems to be a narcissist, anyone greedy and selfish...need I go on. Anyone I have shown/proven/challenged to be wrong,a liar,thief,cheat etc.

      The guilty will set others up...I am so wary now it's sad. But...I am not naïve and I really have lost trust but...better that than being devastated. I have also learned the "don't you dare" approach and letting anyone who even hints a such nonsense know...I won't allow it.

      Recently saw how that worked as a really formerly aggressive apartment manager tried to intimidate me with "innuendos"...well...I took the high road, had documented many events(all tenants)wrote to her employer,gave information about the law to people being harassed and others. Things are alot better.

      Before any of this happened, I was trusting. I have had nothing in my life go on to warrant any "slander". Perhaps those who are dark just can't stand the light !

      Thank-you for the chance to vent.

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      txmommy 5 years ago from Texas

      I have been a target of slander and lies for many years because when I was in high school I got into drugs. I received help and have been sober for 7 years, yet people still call me a coke head amongst many other things. I still have to re-live my past and I do not expect it to ever get better, especially being in a small town. So here is what I have to say for all of the people in my shoes. Even though people may spread lies and walk all over your name be a strong person. Don't stoop to the level of gossip. You should not have to prove yourself to anyone. People are going to say and do what they want no matter the circumstances. Be strong and know that the only person's judgement who matters is God's.

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      Anon 5 years ago

      I am apart of a community website called Vampire Rave. It is one that I have paid dearly for in regards to memberships. I have been on this site for over 3 years and now I am being brutally defamed and slandered by members, by the administrators and even by the owner himself. I am not the only one being attacked so viciously either, but why should I leave when I have invested hundreds, if not thousands of dollars into this site? What actions can I take to stop the vilification, defamation and slander?

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      Sue St. Clair 5 years ago from I would rather be in Paris

      P,

      That sounds terrible. When liars inflict their damage they often hurt more people in more ways than could be imagined. I hate to hear that it was a family member since that often pushes the knife of backstabbing in even deeper. In my case, it was a mother. Yee-Gads, it hurts to even remember that much. The shock, disbelief, pain hit me all at once. I feel for you in your pain.

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      5 years ago

      The impacts of my so called sister's lies were devastating to my life and have led to unemployment, ridicule, scorn, harassments, and other types of destructive behavior by others toward me. She did not think twice to broadcast my name via her lies to hurt me viciously.

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      Sue St. Clair 5 years ago from I would rather be in Paris

      Bhupesh goswami,

      I do not know what to tell you since I am not familiar with your legal system or know what Crpc 107 says.

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      Sue St. Clair 5 years ago from I would rather be in Paris

      You are very welcome. I am glad to be able to help.

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      Bhupesh goswami 5 years ago

      if one of my relative file a false allegation against me of threating under Crpc 107, then in that case what should i do?

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      mick 5 years ago

      Thank u for that, I thought that to but need an independent 3 party point of view who has some back ground knowledge

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      Sue St. Clair 5 years ago from I would rather be in Paris

      guest,

      I often wish what I went through was impossible. It was a nightmare that I kept thinking to myself, "This can not be happening" and pinching myself in an effort to wake up. It was no dream. When I was younger, I gave little thought to slander and lies in terms of the damage they do. Now having gone through the experience, I see how destructive they can be.

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      Sue St. Clair 5 years ago from I would rather be in Paris

      mick,

      I am not a lawyer, so my definition is not the legal one. My understanding of slander is one that involves saying things that lead to ridicule or lies about the subject. Since she said "no more (school name) for me", I would not consider that slander. Slander would be more like "(school name) is nothing more than a slime pit filled with pigs" or that "(School name) stole from me" or something of that sort.

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      mick 5 years ago

      My Mrs has just had a case of slander opened up on her and we not sure if it is she put on face book " no more (school name) for me" and did not write anything else. This was after applying for a job there wile doing volintering for 6 months.

      So is this slander? If so any idears what to do next?

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      guest 5 years ago

      I used to think things you have been through were absolutely impossible, however then I met my husband's ex and his own mother who have both been incredibly hideous in lies and abuse towards him and then finally to me also. (it completely wrecks the person you once were)

      I wish you luck with your book. It sounds like it has been an incredibly hard journey

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      Sue St. Clair 5 years ago from I would rather be in Paris

      Paulet,

      I am sad to hear that your sister is spreading lies. It hurts more when it is family. I would be concerned with publicly stating her name.

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      Sue St. Clair 5 years ago from I would rather be in Paris

      Chris,

      There are some people who enjoy breaking up marriages and relationships. If you ask them, they have many reasons for doing so in order to justify their malicious actions. I would make sure my marriage was secure as my top priority. This may be the first attack yet not likely the last one. Trying to argue with such sick, mean persons will only frustrate you.

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      Paulet 5 years ago

      For many years vicious lies concocted and communicated by a so-called sister of mine have destroyed my life. Maureen Roache-Bloomfield made sure secretly the lies would stick in every possible way.

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      chris 5 years ago

      I had a someone I know try to brake up my marriage by lying and and saying they where another women over the phone. they new it was something the broke my first marriage up and I fell apart the first time. now they are telling everyone I am to blame they did nothing wrong and they keep calling, texting and other things for days to the point i had to change my daughter number block them from my site and now people are delinting me from there sites I do know there saying they don't know what they did and I basically a lire know there's something be said but i don't know and I am afraid of what's next cuz if they went this far and I up set them by ignoring them there not the kind of people to stop till we are ruined. I have information showing what they did. could you please advise me what I may be able to do to protect us? thank you

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      Sue St. Clair 5 years ago from I would rather be in Paris

      Zach,

      Thank you for sharing about your situation. That is tragic. It is sad that people could be so mean. If you want to take legal action, you would need to talk with a lawyer. If you want help dealing with the situation and how it makes you feel, you need to talk with a counselor. There may also be a mental health agency in your community that could help you with resources and know the best lawyers, counselors, etc. to stop such abusive behavior from continuing and helping you through it.

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      Zach 5 years ago

      I am someone who suffers brain damage, though I do not talk or show any physical signs of it. The effects of the damage done to me is related to mental, social and learning disabilities. I do not know if this will help me with the current situation I'm in at all, but I felt it might, if anything, for knowledge purposes.

      I am the subject of slander. A Facebook group took my pictures, of which I gave no permission, and used them to show me as someone I am not. After asking them to take them off, a person who used to be a friend over Facebook also used pictures to make me into a pedophile, also something I am not and STRICTLY against.

      This is what I'm not quite understanding. I have the proof (pictures, words and even the site name) as to what they are doing, but I'm not sure exactly what it is. Can someone help me?