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How to deal with a lazy husband: Ways to get your husband to help you and be more responsible

Updated on September 13, 2013

How to deal with a lazy husband? We are both working parents, how do I get my husband to help me with household chores? How do I convince my husband to stop being lazy and look for a new job? How do I get my lazy husband off the couch and get him to take me out on dates? Find out how you can deal with your husband's laziness. Put an end to the damage that his lazy attitude is causing to your marriage, personal lives and your child's future.

Have your husband help you out around the house by allocating specific tasks to him like 'Take the bins out' or 'Chop the veggies and season the meats'
Have your husband help you out around the house by allocating specific tasks to him like 'Take the bins out' or 'Chop the veggies and season the meats' | Source

1) Divide responsibilities for household chores: Allocate specific tasks to your husband

Is your husband in complete denial of the fact that he is lazy and that he does not help you around the house? It could be because he doesn't have any specific tasks to do.

Make a small timetable and allocate certain tasks for each day of the week to your husband. Put this timetable up on the kitchen bench where he can see it. For example, write your husband's name against 'Taking the bins out' on the night before your city council collects bins from the neighborhood.

Use this timetable to allocate different tasks including clearing the table, vacuuming the carpets, clearing the deck, taking the dishes out of the washer, etc.

Allocating responsibility will make it easier for you to show your hubby that he has actually not done anything. It will not leave any room for silly arguments.

2) Don't budge on having him help you with household chores if you are both working

If you both are working full-time jobs, there is no reason why your husband shouldn't have an equal contribution in household chores too. Don't give up on persuading him to get his feet off the living room table after dinner and helping you clear out.

Reason with him, throw tantrums and argue until he budges form his comfortable spot on the couch. Make it very clear to him that since you both are working full-time, he must help you with cooking, cleaning and all other chores at home.

3) Double date with an active couple: Take inspiration from their habits

One of the biggest benefits of double dating is that it exposes you to activities that you may never have thought of doing. Take advantage of another couple's active dating life by going on double dates with them.

Let the other couple decide where you guys want to go and what you want to do. For all you know, they may suggest outdoor picnics and activities that will force your hubby to see the all the fun he was missing out on all this time.

4) Push your husband to the gym: Bringing an inherent change in lifestyle

You can drive your man's laziness away by slowly bringing a natural change in his habits and lifestyles. The first step to do is to get him a gym membership. If he has never worked out before, sign him up with a personal trainer for a few basic sessions.

Looking at buff bodies in the gym will most likely motivate your husband to lose weight and get in shape too. This will spark a revolutionary change in his lifestyle, eating and sleeping habits.

Don't let an ounce of guilt get to you. Even the slightest of self-blame will frustrate you from the core.
Don't let an ounce of guilt get to you. Even the slightest of self-blame will frustrate you from the core.

5) Don't blame yourself for your husband's laziness

Don't make the common mistake of accepting part blame for your husband's laziness. You must remember that his lazy attitude is something that he needs to fix. It is not something which is your fault.

Whether it is helping you with chores in the house or the fact that he is not getting off the couch and sorting his employment issues out, don't entertain any of your husband's claims that you have made him lazy.

The slightest of self guilt will make you feel that you are partly to blame for something that is not your mistake in the first place.

6) Act lazy when your husband wants to do something that is his idea of fun

Your husband's laziness may be isolated to stuff that he doesn't like doing, for example, helping you clearing out the table. On the other hand he may turn into a cleanliness freak when some of his friends are coming over to watch the game on a Friday night.

Show your husband how it feels to have a deadbeat partner by acting lazy when he wants to do something that is his idea of fun. Refuse to help him when he is conveniently switching between being the lazy lad and the active guy whenever he feels like.

7) Encourage your guy to play sports with his mates on the weekend

Hooking up with friends to play ball on fixed days of the week is something that many busy professionals do. You can encourage your husband to do the same thing. Get him to call some of his old buddies or work mates and fix a day when they can meet and shoot some hoops.

The idea behind doing this is the same as other suggestions – getting your husband off the couch. Playing sports with friends will also get him out of his shell and help him become the same confident man you fell in love with a decade back.

8) Go out with your friends, come back home and show your guy pictures

If your husband refuses to budge from his comfy sofa chair in the living room, go out with your own friends and their spouses. Take a lot of selfies with your iPhone and show them to your husband when you come back.

Seeing you have fun with other people may light up a spark of jealousy in him. Your hubby will feel like he is missing out on sharing good times with you. He may feel like accompanying you the next time you go out with your friends.

Get your hubby off the couch by planning fun stuff you can do outdoors. It can be something as simple as a family outing the park or watching a Friday night game of your husband's favorite team.
Get your hubby off the couch by planning fun stuff you can do outdoors. It can be something as simple as a family outing the park or watching a Friday night game of your husband's favorite team.

9) Plan fun outdoor dates that your husband can really enjoy

If your husband's laziness is making you both spend your weekend indoors doing nothing but watching TV, turn your dating quotient around by planning dates in which you need to step outside the house.

Start by planning something that is within your husband's interest domain. For example, if he likes sports, get tickets to the Friday night game so you both get a chance to go out and do something together.

Make this a regular thing by finding activities that will naturally cheer him up and actually make him look forward to stepping out of the house. Once it becomes a habit, you can move on to stuff that interests you.

10) Tell him that he is setting a bad example in front of the children

Whether it is laziness to find new work or laziness to help you with stuff around the house, your husband's deadbeat behavior will set a terrible example for your children. Remind your hubby that your kids are likely to mimic his behavior when they grow up.

Warn your husband that his lazy and deadbeat ways will affect the future of your own children. Ask him if he wants to carry the lifelong burden of guilt if your kids grow up to be exactly like him.

11) Making comparisons: Take examples of couples who are active and spend a lot of time outdoors

When you lament about your husband's laziness, don't make the mistake of comparing him with another guy. This can lead to never-ending arguments because hearing his wife compare him with another man will hurt his ego.

Instead, compare yourselves as a couple to another couple. If you know a husband-wife pair who are always out and about, take their example and point out to your husband how you feel sad about the situation in your marriage.

12) Never argue and fight about your husband's laziness in front of your kids

You will leave lifelong mental scars in the minds of your children if they see you and your husband arguing and fighting about his lazy ways.

More importantly, you will give your children excuses to be lazy too. For example, if you get angry at your son for not cleaning out his bedroom he may calmly reply 'Dad doesn't do it despite you yelling at him all the time. Then why should I do it?'

Instead of making sweeping statements, be firm, direct and specific when you point out your husband's laziness. This will send a strong signal to him that you are not just fluffing around and that you will not tolerate his lazy ways.
Instead of making sweeping statements, be firm, direct and specific when you point out your husband's laziness. This will send a strong signal to him that you are not just fluffing around and that you will not tolerate his lazy ways.

13) Pick specific battles with your husband's laziness: Avoid making sweeping statements

Like most other issues in life, your husband's laziness is best dealt with in a direct and specific manner. Use specific examples instead of vague and sweeping statements when you have an argument with him about his lazy behavior around the house. Here are some examples.

  • Instead of saying 'You never help me with the dishes' say 'Thursday was your turn to take the dishes out from the washer and you did not. You have been doing this every time'
  • Instead of saying 'We never get to go out because you are always hooked to your stupid video game' say 'We haven't gone out since the last two Fridays because you were playing video games. It is the same story this weekend too'
  • Instead of saying 'You never take me out on romantic dates' ask him 'When was the last time you took me out?'
  • 'Instead of saying 'You have not tried hard enough to find a new job' say 'You have handed in just two new job applications. That is not enough'


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    • profile image


      5 years ago

      This would only work if the husband had enough insight to realize what he was doing. Some are happy with things just the way they are and see no need to change.

    • DDE profile image

      Devika Primić 

      6 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      It is not easy to change any man, they are either lazy or always busy with something of their interest. Sound advice here.

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      6 years ago from Chicago

      It's worth a try I suppose.

      However I tend to believe people change only when (they) want to. Whenever we attempt to change our mates we usually experience frustration on our part and resentment on their part. Ultimately everyone is looking to be loved and appreciated for who they are.

      There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships: we either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have.

      Each of us however is entitled to have our own "deal breakers".

      If it's a "deal breaker" get out!

      If it's not a "deal breaker" learn to live without.

      There are two basic reasons why someone would not give you what you've asked for several times and after you have explained it's importance.

      1. They don't have it to give. (Simply put, it's not who they are).

      2. They don't believe you are worth the effort to give it to. (It hurts I know)

      Generally speaking when two people are "in love" it bothers them to see their mate is unhappy. When we start to think more in terms of (You & Me) instead of (Us & We) or catch ourselves thinking/saying; "I don't (care) what he/she wants ....etc" It's a signal that we're "growing apart".

      Ideally one should know what is important to them BEFORE they (choose) a spouse and then they should make sure their spouse (is) the type of person they want to be with. It's frustrating trying to "change water into wine." However if one's ship has already sailed then it might be worth the effort to follow your advice prior to jumping ship!


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