How to deal with friends who become strangers all of a sudden?
How it used to be?
We have not been friends for long, it started all of a sudden, unintentionally. We used to be classmates for a year and had a common group of friends but never got together and hung out seperately. One day you just started talking about random topic and people and you never knew when those conversations extended to personal talks. This continued for around 2 months, everyday we used to talk for the next 60-70 days. We had a fixed time when we used to start talking, it started from midnight and continued till late nights. We used to share about our friends, what we like and dislike about them, our daily routine and many more personal stuffs. For me this friend was someone really close to me as I had never opened up so much to anyone else in the college. I used to think it was the same for him too. But I was wrong as one day it all changed. He became a stranger to me, like we used to be before all of these 2 months happened.
What actually happened?
One thing I want to clear out is this is just a situation about two classmates who became good friends and nothing romantic is involved here.
We used to share alot of personal stuffs. Both of us had our own personal relationships and we used to share our problems regarding that as well. We decided to hang out one day and we ended up talking our heart out that day, we spoke the whole night and our relationships the tough times, he shared some hard facts that day. I actually felt we were so comfortable sharing stuffs with each other, we never minded the uncomfortable unconventional discussions, it was fun as well as comforting around him. But from the next day it all vanished.
People are different, we tend to forget that
Although we became good friends in such a small span of time but I forgot the fact that we were completely different personalities. We had many common experiences, common thought process but we had a very different outlook on life and relationships.
I am a very soft at heart person, who usually does not go out of the way to make new friends but once someone becomes a close friend of mine, I'm totally loyal towards them and expect the same kind of behaviour from them.
He on the other hand is a very jolly, friendly and carefree person who loves to enjoy life. He likes to be around people but doesn't get attached to people too quickly.
We should not expect people to behave and react the way we are.. that's wrong expectation.
How is the situation now?
We hardly talk to each other. I never changed my behaviour, however he did for unknown reasons. I tried my best to bring back things to normal but he clearly did not want it. So after doing my best I stopped nagging him. Now we are back to being normal classmates. We exchange random conversations 2-3 times a week, that's all.
But those 2 months I'll always cherish as part of my good memories in college. I still believe that he was completely truthful to me during those days and it was a genuine friendship. Maybe he let out alot of his emotions back then unknowingly and I have got to know him in ways he never wanted me to, so now he's running away from the truth.
What's your experience?
Have you ever faced such a similar situation?
7 things you should not do in such situations
1. Nag the person continuously to talk like before.
2. Get angry at them.
3. Blame them for you being upset and pick a fight. Arguments are never a solution to these situations.
4. Complain about him to others. You should never break the trust you had with the person before of situation changes.
5. Show attitude and stop talking to him completely.
6. Creating a scene in front of others.
7. Begging them everyday and asking for the reason for their behaviour. You should never lower your self esteem so much infront of anyone.
7 things you should do in such situations
1. Communicate how you are feeling because of his behaviour.
2. Don't isolate yourself and keep on thinking about the situation.
3. Don't do anything stupid like hurting yourself inorder to get back their attention. It never works.
4. Sharing your situation with others might help but don't blindly follow their advices. Only you both know how it used to be between you two, so don't let others make the decision for you.
5. Try to think of any reason which might have upset him to take such a decision. Try to understand his point of view too.
6. Ensure he knows that he will always be a good friend for you and he can share anything he wants to.
7. Try going back to normal life, hangout with more people, give him his space. You can only hope that one day you get all your answers.