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How to Escape the Friendzone

Updated on March 10, 2019



How to Escape the Friendzone

First, we must acknowledge that it is your fault you fell into the friend zone in the first place. You landed in the friendzone because you were more interested in having her attention and company than you were demanding to be taken seriously. Okay, I like you so you can treat me anyway you want just so long as I get to be next to you. Sounds cute right? Unfortunately, it’s exactly the kind of behavior that leads you to listen to her date stories, intimate escapades with other men, all while you fund every interaction with her when you hang out because you’re such a “great friend.”

How can you prevent this from happening in the future?

1. Make your intent clear and convey a consistent message.

2. Refuse to be the pickup guy.

3. Respect her decision and act accordingly.

These 3 simple steps will lead you to a dating situation or free you up to find a person that is more suitable for you. Regardless of the outcome, you will have respect which is priceless.

1. Make your intent clear and convey a consistent message.

When she tells you what a great friend you are to listen to her simply reply I’m not trying to be your friend, I have enough buddies. Silence is golden when you speak these words so she can process what you said and what you mean. Refuse to listen to stories about shopping or daily vents for hours, that’s not your job. When she reaches out to you answer the phone with:

“Hello Sweetheart”

“Good-morning beautiful”

This establishes and reaffirms your intent regarding her potential place in her life. You’re not there to listen to her tell you about the other guys she dates or past heartbreaks. You are there to date her, nothing more, nothing less. Don’t call her every night, don’t be available every time she calls and don’t cater to her allowing her to call you last minute to “hang out.” You are not there to be used to fund her company for the two of you to be friends. Regardless of how much time goes by stay consistent with your message of desiring to date her. If she keeps stressing friendship while asking you to fund her evenings out, make it clear that you are interested in dates but she should call her friends if she wants to hang out. When you get a call or text from her around 8pm to spontaneously get together, let her go to voicemail. If you choose to respond to her make it clear you aren’t available, she’ll need to catch you another time. Stay flirtatious when you speak. If she reiterates, she only wants to be friends then tell her you understand. Allow her to continue to talk for another 5-10 minutes then abruptly tell her you have a few loose ends to tie up before the night is over and you’ll talk to her another time.

I wanna be saved

Refuse to be the pickup guy

Phone calls placed only when she needs something, unacceptable. Do you ever respect a person that allows you to make a fool out of him? Express sympathy for the “situation” and tell her you hope everything works out. Don’t contact her for at least a week. You’re making it clear that you’re not going to play puppy dog or backup for her amusement or profit. If she begins to tell you about financial hardship, respectfully tell her that you hope things work out for her. Tell her you don’t give or loan money to friends because it ruins the friendship.


Respect her decision and act accordingly

If you do not get a positive response using these tactics then respect her decision to leave you in the friendzone. Stop calling her, do not have flowers delivered and stop answering her phone call. She wants to make you her friend, you don’t want to be her friend and you’re not going to allow her to jerk you around by having you chase her. If she’s sick you aren’t bringing her juices and soup to comfort her. If she’s experiencing a sudden financial stress, you are not going to come in and save the day. If she’s having a bad day and needs to discuss it over dinner & drinks, at your cost, that’s not your problem or responsibility. Stop allowing someone to use you for free drinks and food or free money. Before anyone else can respect you, you must respect yourself. When she explains you can only be her friend then say you understand and leave her be. She has a right to not see you in a certain light. She has the right not to be interested in you in that way. You have the right to understand her feelings and leave her alone.

© 2019 realtalk247


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    • dashingscorpio profile image


      12 months ago from Chicago

      I meant to say: "I'm NOT looking to date anyone."

      What she is really saying is:

      "I don't see YOU as being (the one) for me!"

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      12 months ago from Chicago

      Great advice!

      "First, we must acknowledge that it is your fault you fell into the friend zone in the first place." - Very true!

      Guys who end up in the "friend zone" are cowards who feared rejection so much so they try to enter into relationships with women via "friendship" with the "hope" of becoming more later.

      Whenever a woman tells a man "we can only be friends" or "I'm looking to date anyone." What she is really saying is:

      "I don't see YOU as being (the one) for me!"

      There is no such thing as being "exclusive friends". If she thought you were "hot" or was "into you" she wouldn't want to risk leaving you on the "open market" for another woman to snatch up!

      Secondly if a guy fools a woman into believing he truly is a "platonic friend" and later makes a move on her she will feel like it was the ultimate betrayal. She no longer trusts you.

      Essentially your entire "friendship" with her was a lie!

      If a guy leans in for a kiss and is pushed back or told that she wants to "take things slow" most likely she's NOT romantically interested. Dates ending with handshakes and hugs mean:

      "You're traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination. That's the signpost up ahead - your next stop, the Friend Zone!" (MOVE ON!)

      In a world with over 7 Billion people rejection just means: NEXT!

      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

      - Oscar Wilde

    • Isivwe Muobo profile image

      Farrah Young 

      12 months ago from Nigeria

      This is such great advice! Anyone not wanting to be kept in the friendzone should read this.


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