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How to Find the Right Man to Love

Updated on March 6, 2019

The longer I live and the more life experience I gain, the more I am convinced that finding love is not as much about what you are looking for in a partner, but more about what you are NOT looking for.

We can all list off a multitude of traits we would like our prospective mates to have.

But, how much thought do we give to the traits someone could have that would make the relationship dysfuntional? The traits that absolutely would make the relationship a deal breaker? The traits that would leave you lying in the dust, wondering what happened and how could she/he have done this to me?

Here is a list of negative traits that are, to me clear and definitive deal breakers. Signals that tell me to waste no more time or energy with a person.

1. Lying. If someone is a liar, that is a clear indicator that this person is unable to face life truthfully. If your partner will lie about the small things, you better believe he/she will lie about the bigger things too. Telling the truth takes courage as it does not always get the desired results or always go with the flow of popular opinion.

2. Cheating. Someone who cheats on you once, will do it twice and more. After all, if you forgive someone for cheating and continue a relationship with them, you are in fact, telling them this is a behaviour you are willing to accept. You do indeed teach people how to treat you.

3. Verbal abuse. If you have a partner that verbally abuses you by calling you names or attacking your character in a derogatory manner, get out. Now!

Physical and emotional abuse will soon follow. This person does not have the emotional maturity or skills to have a truly loving relationship. Their problem solving skills with relationships are nill.

4. Physical abuse. In my opinion, people who physically abuse others are bullies and cowards. Studies indicate that women are most often murdered by their spouses or intimate partners. Don't make the mistake of thinking you will be exempt. Bullies gain their power by taking power away from others. Do not ever give away your power by staying in a physically or verbally abusive relationship. You cannot be stepped on unless you lay down.

In closing, if you refuse to accept a liar, you will only have men/women in your life who face it honestly, openly and truthfully. I think that is a pretty great trait!

If you refuse to accept someone who cheats, you will only allow someone who is loyal, faithful and thinks the world of you.

If you refuse to accept someone who is verbally and/or physically abusive, you will only allow a mate who is able to solve problems through communication and a mutual understanding of one another. Someone who is kind and intelligent enough to express his or her thoughts and feelings in a meaningful way.

If there are character flaws you refuse to accept, you will open up your world and your heart to someone who deserves it.

Finding a great partner is as much if not more about what you don't want as about what you do want.

Next time you are looking for a Mr. or Mrs. Right, think about what you don't want and refuse to accept first. I think that will get you closer to what you DO want in the end.

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