- Gender and Relationships
How to find your life partner
How to find that partner
CHOOSE GOD FIRST
I will say that to be a marriage material, you must seek first the God who instituted marriage and your own marriage partner will be added (found) to you in due time, God is never late. Those who look for God will be led to their life partner faster than those who do not.
We are tempted to seek our needs first before seeking the one who can meet the needs. Ruth, unlike most of our young people today chose the almighty God and a life in Israel (with God’s people) in her outburst of affection and consecration.
And Ruth said, in treat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: (Ruth 1:16)
There is nothing wrong with coming to God(church) to search for the right partner, good job, business connection, contracts, children, healing to name but a few. It is wrong while in Church (God) to focus on those things first or primarily and put God last or even in a second place.
We know the instruction to seek God first, but in practice I have seen believers who had no working relationship with God trying frantically to carve out one with Him because they want Him to show them their husband or wife partner.
The LORD recompense thy work, and a full reward be given thee of the LORD God of Israel, under whose wings thou art come to trust. (Ruth 2:12)
We must seek and have God as our number one priority because in God we will find marriage partner, fruit of the womb, job, protection and every other thing that are needful to us. We must remember that marriage is not a precondition to make heaven and neither are the possessions of other material things. Marriage must not be rushed into or made a do or die affair. On the last day, raptured believers will be part of the marriage supper of the Lamb, whereas the bride of Christ, we will be married to Him, praise God!
ENVISION THE MARRIAGE
And the LORD answered me, and said, write the vision, and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it. (Hab 2:2)
Vision can be defined as the mental picture of our desired future. The business vision paints our desired business venture and the vision of our wife or husband paints our desired partner loaded with all our expectation of him or her. It is not like seeing a beautiful woman in a dream singing in the choir and then believing your wife must come from the choir.
It was difficult before I met my wife to find a single sister in church who was open to the extent that she could reveal her real age. When you ask a Christian sister how old she is, she either answers you with another question “why do you want to know”, stylishly ignore your question or lie about it. So, I painted the picture of my wife who is open.
For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry. (Hab 2:3)
I love singing and dancing unto God and wants a family of singers where my wife or I could lead, my daughter plays keyboard, my son plays drum set, my second son plays the guitar and we will form our own band. So, I painted a picture of a wife who could sing: note that I did not say a wife in the choir as that could be tantamount to limiting God.
I loved missionary work including reaching out to the less privileged in the society. I then painted a picture of my wife who loves mission work and would not mind becoming my help meet in my assignments, going with me wherever I went. Amazingly, I met my wife while a missionary and she loved it. I was later recalled and posted out to pioneer a parish with her immediately after our wedding and she is still doing well as pastor’s wife to the best of her ability. I know of sisters who have vowed not to marry a pastor.
Sister, do you see yourself as a career woman in the future? Do not make the mistake of marrying a man who wants a fulltime housewife. Do you love to spend your annual vacation overseas? Do not marry a spouse that believes vacations are better spent in the village with grandpa.
All areas of disagreement between couple’s expectations are prospective cracks on the walls of that marriage in the near future, write your personal vision and also articulate your marital vision; it will go a long way to ensuring that you achieve the marriage of your dreams.
FIND A PARTNER
Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD. (Pro 18:22)
Many are still single today partly because they do not have idea of who to marry. It is necessary to consider the place of vision before embarking on the search of who to marry. “If you search for what you do not know, you won’t know when you find it”.
To commence the search, we must first settle with God what we need in a spouse. In doing this, we must let spiritual characteristics be our priority but that is not to presuppose that we ignore the place of physical attraction or likeness. When God brought Eve to Adam, he liked her because God made her beautiful. However, beauty must not rest on outward adorning but that of inner character of humility, kindness, hospitability, good heart and brotherly love.
There is also need for heart preparation that must manifest in attitudinal change from that of singlehood to that of marriage readiness. By faith, there is need to plan how we hope to sustain the marriage as we explore several avenues open to us to find our life partners. We must have at the back of our minds that every avenue where we come in contact with the opposite sex is good enough opportunity to find our life partner.
House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife is from the LORD. (Pro 19:14)
A lot of believers found their partner as they remained committed and dedicated to the work of God. A true life story that comes to mind is that of Betty who joined the sanitation department of the church and her duty post every service day was to keep the toilets always sparkling clean all through the service duration.
Betty was a bank executive and was close to 40 years yet still single but continued to do her work in church. One glorious service day, she was faithfully doing her work when she was approached by a readymade bachelor Mike who had monitored her commitment and the zeal with which she kept the toilets sparkling clean and thought to make her acquaintance.
The more Mike knew about her the more he was convinced that he had found his wife. Some months later, Betty and Mike got married in a very glorious wedding ceremony attended by so many church members some of who she had touched by her dedication to God’s work. Betty’s testimony made some single sisters in the same church to rush to join the sanitation department, perhaps they too could get married to a very wealthy and successful husband like Mike.
WHERE TO FIND OUR PARTNER
We could find our partners at family meetings, office/work places and market places. Opportunities abound in our churches, wherever we are visiting and in our schools and at seminars and conferences. Furthermore, a friendly disposition and hospitable character are guaranteed avenues of meeting one’s life partner.
But thou shalt go unto my country, and to my kindred, and take a wife unto my son Isaac. (Gen 24:4)
Our family is our kindred. It means breed of the same kind. It means our breed of the same kind of believers. Spiritual brethren are of different breed from carnal ones. It is error for spiritual believers to seek life partners from amongst carnal believers much less people from same village or tribe that are not believers.
Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? (2Co 6:14)
Choice of life partner from outside the family of God with the intention to convert the partner after must be discouraged. Cross breeding is an unnecessary risk in marriage especially for Christians.
God creates good and perfect marriages but Satan is the author of monstrous marriages.
It is the plan of Satan to create chaos by blind folding real believers into marriages with unbelievers just like he tried to corrupt mankind through fornication between fallen angels and daughters of men.
Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares. (Heb 13:2)
Once a sister in her generous hospitality was buying gifts for brothers in church, some brothers thought she was desperate for a husband but few others saw that it was her character. Irrespective of the negative comments that got to her, she was not deterred.
She eventually hosted a young and vibrant minister of God who came to preach in her church and they became friends. Some years later, the man of God sought her hand in marriage. Today they are married and run a thriving global ministry with headquarters in Lagos, Nigeria.