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How to Work on a Troubled Relationship

Updated on October 4, 2014
Tashaonthetown profile image

Natasha Pelati has published three books of poetry and writes on real-life experiences with the help of psychology.

Get out of your rut
Get out of your rut

Stuck in a Rut

He doesn't love me anymore, he isn't listening, he has no interest in me, he is not romantic, he takes me for granted!

Does any of that sound familiar?

Well I am sure that most women have said these things or felt it and the problem can be solved by communicating your thoughts to your partner.

We all get stuck in a rut and the television happens, stress, work and schedules conflict so much so that you lose touch with each other and neither of you have the time to talk about what it is that's bothering you.

Women tend to bottle up all the little things that are bothering them until your partner does one small thing to irritate you and then you explode bringing up issues that could have been resolved on the same day.

We are not mind readers and unless you speak up nobody is going to know what you are thinking so if you do have a small issue, take the time to say what it is while you are calm in order for the problem to be solved.


Don't expect Change

Being in a long term relationship is not easy as men and women are very different. Living with your other half seems like a great idea but it is only after a few years that you actually get to really know your partner well.

There will always be certain habits or actions that will irritate you and you can either learn to accept them or you can choose to leave but expecting someone to change who they are is not an option. Do not expect your partner to change because that will never happen.

Certain situations can change but expecting your partner to become someone else is very unrealistic.

Make a List

When communication has failed and you are tired, stressed or overworked the only thing you find yourselves doing is arguing and you have no idea what you are arguing about.

It is very important to tell your partner that you need to speak to him and once the children have gone to be bed take the time to sit down and explain what it is that is bothering you. If you think he feels distant than tell him so and give a solution to how that can be resolved. Make a list of all the things that are bothering you about him and let him do the same.

Switch them over and examine the list and see if there are things that can change and things that won't.

Once you have decided what compromise can be made then communicate that to each other.

You will know if there is room for improvement in your relationship or not.

Have a date night to keep things fresh
Have a date night to keep things fresh

Date Night

Busy schedules and running around for kids can leave you very little time to appreciate your partner. Plan a night out once a week to go out on a date.

Get dressed, do your hair and make an effort to look good. Go for a dinner in a place that is quiete enough for you to speak and don't talk about debts or bills or domestic drama. Just go out and talk about each other, laugh, and have a good time.

This will help you to reconnect on a friendly level, where you first started.

Back to Buddies

Be spontaneous and do something unexpected like getting some sexy lengerie and surprising him!

By now you should both be friends again and it will be easier to communicate what's on your mind without commanding it to each other causing unnecessary arguments as you are able to speak as friends rather than angry partners.

If you are still not happy and efforts have not been made than it is time to sit down and have another conversation about who will be splitting what in the seperation!

Can your Relationship be Saved?

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    • Tashaonthetown profile image

      Natasha Pelati 5 years ago from South Africa

      That is true you both have to want the same things and that is something that should be discussed before you commit to a long term relationship. When in a relationship and you both love each other and all that has happened is you have lost touch, than you try to fix it, you have to before you call it a day.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 5 years ago

      No one person can save a relationship both people have to want it.

      There is no amount of "communication" or "work" that can overcome being with someone who does not want what you want.

      One man's opinion! :-)