- Gender and Relationships»
- Romantic Intimacy
How to get my wife sexually active again part 2
First let me start by saying this is only a 98% guarantee, nothing is 100% in this life. But using these tips will give you a good head start! Begin by first reading my other Hub titled “Why isn’t my wife sexually active”. Once you have figured out what it is that is wrong and you can either fix it or avoid doing it in the future, then we can begin.
You know your wife better than I do, so you will have to adjust these things to fit her. Try to think back on what it was that made the two of you click in the first place. Once you have succeeded in your quest, don’t let it all go down the drain. Repeat daily! Be playful - make her laugh, laughter relaxes us more than anything. Have you seen her with her friends? They laugh. Try not to be critical, we take it differently than men. It’s not constructive criticism when coming from the one we love. She is not your underling, she will not take it kindly if you yell at her.
1. Start your day out by being happy. When you wake up with a smile and if your wife is still in bed with you, give her a little snuggle. Keep in mind this is not a ‘lets have sex’ snuggle, this is just a ‘good morning’ snuggle, with a kiss on the side of the neck. BEFORE she can pull away, you do so first. Now is not the time, you must make her wait.
Wait on her!
2. If you both drink coffee and it isn’t set, YOU get up and make it. If she is preparing for work, bring it to her with a smile. Set it on the counter with a ‘good morning’ and walk away. If this is not the normal thing for you to do, she will be slightly stunned, wondering what you’re up to.
3. If at all possible make her breakfast, even if it’s just toast. She will like it, particularly if it is something you have never done before. Just remember you may have to clean up the mess!
Listen to her
4. Ask her what she has planned for her day. When she tells you, LISTEN, ask questions, draw her into conversation. Communication is the key to any good relationship. Do not tell her what to do with her day. If she has a dilemma at work, and asks your opinion, you may give it but do not stress the issue. Do no try to force your ideas on her, she may have a different way of dealing with things.
5. Do something silly, like wearing an apron. Be goofy, she may seem like she isn’t enjoying it. But if she has her mouth turned up at the edges, like a smile is going to break out, you are doing it right. She may even ask you “What the heck are you up to?” You will have to tell her “I’m just in a good mood today!” If you are normally a grouchy person or ‘all business’ she may not buy it. Then tell her you are turning over a new leaf or trying something different.
Be her 'idiot'!
5. If during the conversation you feel like touching her hand, do so. Maybe stroke her back or shoulders. This is not a ’get into the sack’ plan, it is to open her eyes, that is all. During this time if you can joke around and make her laugh, it would be a good thing to do. Women love to laugh. If she calls you an ’idiot’ but with a smile, you are doing a good job.
Do chores around the house
6. If at all possible get as much housework as you can done, so it isn’t there for her when she returns home. If she is an organized person she may have a list of ‘things to do’, find that list and get the hardest things done first. Do it the absolute best that you can, you don’t want her to have to re-do it. If this is something that is not normal for you, she will be pleased.
7. Have dinner ready when she gets home, this will take a load off of her mind. Even if it isn’t what she had planned, she will appreciate it. Here is the easiest recipe I know “Pot Roast in a crock pot” Brown the roast in a frying pan, while this is happening, peel and cut up your veggies, put them in the crock pot, put the meat on top of that, add 3 Cups water, cover and let simmer all day on low. DON’T TOUCH IT!! Eat peanut better if you have to, just stay out of it. (Recipe courtesy of Lillygrillzit)
The 'Kiss' is in here!
Pay attention to the Kiss!!
8. When she comes home have the table all set, maybe a candle or two burning. Give her that warm welcoming kiss home. If you have to, watch the movie Desperado to see how Antonio Bandaras does it! Yeah, we want to be kissed like that! Those kind of kisses leave us feeling like … Whoa! We like that feeling.
9. Pull out her chair with a flourish, and set her down! You are giving her the royal treatment! Make dinner fun, give her a bib and you feed her, you wear a bib and let her feed you. Whatever it takes make it memorable! Maybe a few kisses in between bites. Make sure the TV is off! There is nothing quite like a news program to ruin the ‘mood’,
Keep on Playing!
10. Cleaning up when you are finished eating, if she gets up to clean away the dishes, get up and help her. There is nothing quite as romantic as sharing housework. Doing the dishes together can be a fun time a well, this is where the touching happens a lot, as you’re passing by each other washing and putting away dishes. If she is washing, slip your arms around her from behind, giving her a peck on the cheek. If you have gotten her in a playful mood, then a soap beard is not out of the question. (make sure she has nothing else planned for the evening like going somewhere, you don‘t want to mess up her make-up!) Water fights in the kitchen are fun, provided you are there to help clean up the mess
Be that Human washcloth!
11. Taking a shower together is awesome after having a hard day, suggest it. Tell her you want to be her human washcloth. To do this you lather up your body, then using yourself as the washcloth you rub yourself all over her. Wash her hair, don’t drown her please! Rinse and repeat! You probably missed a spot when washing her, so you might have to do it all over again. Be prepared to have shower sex! Of course you will. But this doesn’t have to be then end, you can now take it into the bedroom.
12. If you have warmed her up as I have suggested, then you might be in for the night of your life! Do not expect to go directly to sleep after the first time. Cuddle with her, whisper sweet nothings in her ear. Talk of your hopes and dreams for the future. Do not tell her what a wonderful job you did with the house, she will either know or find out later on her own. Once you are ready for round 2, you will have to take it from there!
Recap of what you have learned!
Now lets recap -
1. Don’t be a grouch, be happy.
2. Be playful and maybe a bit goofy. (remember we like to laugh).
3. Help with the chores.
4. Listen when she talks.
5. Kiss her like you mean it!
Keep up the good work!
I understand that these things will not be done daily, but if you try them 2 or 3 times per week, she may be more susceptible to your attentions!
On a side note for those with children - This will be slightly more difficult, but not impossible. Help with the children, help pick up after them, help with homework, give them their nightly baths. Get a babysitter if you wish for a ‘Super Special’ night!
Please keep in mind that I am not a professional counselor, these are my thoughts and ideas that I have garnered from speaking with others regarding this subject. Reading an article is no substitute for seeking professional help.
If you enjoyed this article, you may enjoy these as well
- Why isn't my wife sexually active?
You've discovered after many years of having good to great sex suddenly your wife is turning away from you and you want to know why. Only you and your wife can truly know the answer to that question, but...
- Why isn't my man sexually active?
I have been asked repeatedly to write The Other side of the Story to Why isn't my Wife Sexually Active, I will attempt to do just that. Men can become less sexually active over the years and...