How to handle the first year of marriage?Adapt and enjoy!
‘’Being in a long marriage is a little bit like that nice cup of coffee every morning – I might have it every day, but I still enjoy it.”- Stephen Gaines
The starting months of your married life is very emotionally painful as you struggle to find your foothold of compatibility and stability in co-existing with your spouse. But when you work towards making your marriage a success, it gets better and better as years go by.
Why is the beginning year of your marriage so difficult?
The initial glow of marriage soon wears off and you have to face a life which is totally different from what you had so far lived.
What are the top reasons to feel lost in the first year of your married life?
- Your idealistic expectations are not met.
- You are bogged down by responsibilities you never thought existed before your marriage.
- You feel emotionally deprived because you feel your spouse is not what you expected him\her to be.
- You feel your spouse has changed and is not the person you loved.
When you marry, your mind is occupied by the love you have for each other and the fun time you both had. Everything looks glowing and radiant. ‘Nothing could go wrong in my marriage’ you are confirmed. How good it will be if everything was so easy! But you soon find that marriage is a responsible commitment and that it needs your sustained input of concentration 24\7.
The major mistake you make is to think that your marriage will work just like that. It just won’t! You think that your love for each other will always be the same. It won’t remain the same unless you nurture it. You think your spouse will never change. He\she will change and unless you are prepared to accept it, your first year of married life can be really stressful and taxing.
When you love, you just see one side of your spouse and build your hopes of a good marriage around it. But when you live together you see the whole side of your spouse and find him\her to be a totally different person you loved and cherished.
Has he\she really changed for the worse ? No, it is not true! It is a simple fact that you are seeing your spouse in his\her true situation and that situation is something new to you. You make a big deal about the changed situation and think that your spouse has changed.
The success of your marriage depends on how well you adapt to your new situation. Another mistake you make is to expect your spouse to change according to your expectations. No can change that easily! You are an individual and your spouse is an individual. It is when you accept the individuality of each other, can your marriage survive its toughest period.
You should think of your initial years of marriage as an adjusting period wherein you adapt to the new changes in your life and your focus should be on the love you have for each other and not on the minor niggling disturbances the new situation brings in you.
The initial years of your marriage is challenging, but not alarming. How well you understand the newer side of each other lays a firm foundation to the many, many years you are going to spend with one another. You might face situations that hurt your emotions, but you should never let it kill your marriage.
If you feel that your marriage is lost and cannot be retrieved just because of certain minor faults of your spouse, you lose insight of the happiness that waits with welcoming hands to make your marriage what you had dreamed of.
© 2013 mathira