How to have a good relationship and know it
What does this cover?
Hopefully you're able to take something away from this in order to better your current and/or future relationships. In this I am going to cover the following, and more:
- What do you want from your relationship?
- Do you communicate? How are your communication skills?
- Be humble, and be fair
- Personal reflection
- Being Physical
- Handling Problems
What do you want?
The most important thing to know when going into any relationship is what you want out of it. Are you trying to find someone to spend your life with? A casual fling? This is very important and it needs to be clear from the beginning. I am not here to help people who do not care about the other person in the relationship, so I am going to tell you the right way to go about doing things. I'm not saying the way you do things is wrong, but I know this way is right.
It is very important to tell the person you are attempting to get involved with what your intentions are. If you aren't clear with them about what you are going for then the relationship will not last long anyway, unless they are luckily interested in the same thing. It might be an embarrassing talk, but it's a required talk. If you and the other person aren't compatible then you don't need to do this because you should stop seeing each other anyway.
If you can see yourself spending time with this person then just tell them what you are looking for. This might be incredibly uncomfortable, and really awkward, but it works. Nothing good comes easy unless you're lucky, and most of us aren't lucky. If you want success in your relationship then you need to be honest and do what needs to be done.
How do you like to communicate?
What is your favorite method of communication?
Do you communicate?
We've all heard that communication is key, however I can not stress this enough. Me and my girlfriend almost never fight when communicating in person unless one of us is just in a bad mood. When we do get in a fight it is almost always via texting because we are both terrible at communicating through it.
You, and whoever you are in a relationship with, need to develop good communication skills. If you have a preferred method of communication then you need tell them what that method is. I hate phone calls, so I made it very clear to my girlfriend not to call me over the phone unless it is an emergency. Like with everything else, being clear about what you want them to know is going to go a long way with this one.
Be humble & be fair
This isn't just a good skill for relationships, but a good skill all around. If you constantly put yourself above the other person you are going to run into issues. This isn't the 1920s, and you need to treat people as your equals. If you're incapable of treating a person the way they deserve then I would prefer that you stop reading this.
The relationships that constantly run into issues are the ones where one person, or both, have an issue being humble. Being humble doesn't just mean thinking and saying "we are equals", it means acting equal. You need to be fair when it comes to making decisions, regardless of what decision that may be. If they tell you to make a decision then it is entirely understandable for you to do so. Otherwise, you need to be asking for their input when it comes to what goes on in your relationship, and many other aspects of your life.
Do you reflect on your actions?
I'm guilty of it, and you probably are too. We all have an issue that results in us being far more judgement of others than we are of ourselves. Because of this, we hold others higher than ourselves as far as standards are concerned. Not only do you need to see you and the other person in your relationship as equals, you also need to do a lot of personal reflection.
One of the most productive things you can do to better your relationship is personal reflection. Take some time to think about what you're doing right, and what you're doing wrong.
Now, anyone can think about what they're doing and know what they're doing wrong in a relationship. The important thing is to take that information and apply it in a way that is going to make things better.
Having relationship goals can be one of the best ways to excite your relationship long-term. Whether your goals are personal, or ones you share with your significant others, goals are a great way to be sure that you keep interest in your relationship.
Goals really can be anything. A length of time spent together, a 24 hour phone call, 8 movies in a day, anything! Sharing these goals with your partner can also be a really good way to get them accomplished. Whenever you achieve one goal, create another!
Anyone that has been in a long term relationship knows that maintaining the physical side of things can be potentially difficult. It's important to always look at your partner with open, fresh eyes. If you look at your significant other and only remember the moments that are somewhat grotesque, it's unlikely you'll want to be physical with them.
Look at the bright side of things. When you aren't in a relationship it can be hard to get to a physical point with someone, but with your relationship that isn't something you should be worried about. A big bonus to a relationship is that you have someone to physically express yourself with, usually without limitation.
Remember to keep things fresh if you're able to do so, and trying new things doesn't necessarily hurt. The physical side of a relationship will only get boring or distasteful if you let it.
Once you reach a certain point it might seem easier to just ignore your problems, rather than try to solve them. If you have that attitude in regards to your relationship, you are better off just moving on.
When handling your problems it's very important to be open minded. You need to be willing to listen to their side of things, while remaining calm and not just thinking about what you're going to say when they finally shut up. Listen to everything they have to say before you form an opinion about it, otherwise you're not likely to make any progress.
When you're expressing your feelings you need to be extremely clear. It's very easy for someone to misunderstand what you mean, and that can have a snowball effect that makes everything worse. Tell them how you feel, why you feel the way you do, and what can be done to make things better.
It's really important that you don't discuss things with anger. Anger is good at making people blind, and if you're going into a discussion blind, you're not going to make any progress.