How to have an ah hah Moment, or How to Win an Argument with Your Old-Fashion Father.
My father and I cannot see eye to eye on some things. He’s forth right, tells the worst jokes, snores, and sings off-key in church. He is also stubborn. He has a daughter (that’s me) who has many of his traits, except the singing off-key in church part.
His idea of work is like most fathers his age (mid-70’s), which is work very hard for 40+ years, raise a family, build a nest egg, retire, and do what you want for the rest of your life. He raised 4 children to think that way (3 children and a grandson), but we have different ideas on how we want to achieve that retirement age.
Why we disagree
I decided in 2010 to quit the job I was at and not look for another one for the moment. I had jobs where supervisors make the decision to let me go either after 30 days or almost two years. The reason why I quit my job was I was downsized to one day a week to work, and the pay was $8.15 an hour for only 4 hours. I had no benefits, and no one want me to have more responsibility (meaning teaching classes, or creating a planogram for a display). I went from being very happy at the job to being very miserable, especially when in 2009, I was told that in order to keep the job, I could not have my own side business and I had to quit being an Independent Longaberger Home consultant, a business I had since 2001. I left to start the company full-time, and to work my Longaberger business full-time. I also wanted to do other things that this company would not allow me to do, so the best thing for me to leave.
My father was not too happy about it. My mother was fine with it, but I had to win my father over to the idea that his little girl was not a traditional working class employee anymore.
I and my father had gotten into many arguments over it, and I knew going in when I start my Longaberger business in 2001, that I was not going to start out making a million bucks. Same when I started P.Lynne Designs in 2009. I majored and received a degree in marketing in 2003, so I knew I needed to do some marketing in order for my businesses to thrive. It has not been easy, but alone the way, I became a freelance writer, and work at Longaberger’s Homestead and outline stores to build my sales. So you are wondering what does this have to do with the title of this hub. Read on….
My father had this running theme about us. I would tell dad what I was doing, and what I want to do, and he would tell me that I need a job, he was not paying for it. Like today, he was at my condo, and we were discussing my garage door opener, which was damaged. We were talking about the arrangement of the condos in my unit (there are 4), and the subject changed to the guy who lives in the ranch style in front. Dad told me that in order for the man to get inside of his half of the garage, he would have to go outside, then come back in. I said, “Ok, what does that have to do with me?” Dad told me that I wanted a one-floor plan, and that is what I would have to do to get to my car. I told dad that when I move, I am not moving to a ranch-style home, I want a single family home. He said me the same thing that he always says, “You need a job.” I said OK, and he left. I got made, but then it hit me, “what am I doing when I am doing something for a client?” A job. So my father is right, but at the same time, I am still doing what I want. It does not matter if I am making and selling a scrapbook page, an album of a dear departed one, a video tutorial, business or greeting cards, writing an article, or selling a basket to a customer, it is a job, and so what it is not a traditional 9-5 job, it’s my 9-5 job. I can spend as little or as much time on a project, as long as the client is happy, and I am getting paid for my time and products.
Here are 5 pointers on how to win an argument:
- Present your case. It does not matter how sound or silly it is to the person you are presenting to, you have already rationalized it in your head or on paper, and it sounds good to you.
- Listen to the other person. Sometimes you have to shut up in order for that person to process what you just said. It may take a minute, perhaps the whole day, but let them think about it. Once that person has processed your case, let them talk. They may have some valid points that you may not have thought about with the situation. After all, they may be older and wiser than you . If it is something that you do not want to hear, please stay calm.
- Do not get mad. This is how violence starts. This is how marriages start to break down. This is how friendships and other relationships start to end. If the person you are talking to starts to get irrational, walk away, but do not walk away mad. Just say, “I cannot deal with you now.” Again, walk away. It is not worth it and getting angry just escalates it further.
- Now from a Christian point a view: Pray and pray for a solution. The situation is still there, and there is a solution. Think it through while praying and God will give you an answer, even if it the one you do not want to hear.
- Present your case again, and this time, tell that person one of the following: “I see your point, and I will think about it” or I have weighted all the facts, and I had researched it (always say that, even if you have not looked further into the situation), and I think at this time, it is the best for me to try it this way.” It will temporary shut them up, and if it does not work in your favor, try it their way. At least you know that there is a second way.
You may not e able to win the argument all the time, but in my case, at least for today, I won, because at least I do get a chance to still be a business for myself.
© 2014 Patricia Logan