How to improve relationship in marriage?
Adapt and love!
“Marriage is a commitment- a decision to do, all through life, that which will express your love for one’s spouse.” -Herman H. Kieval
Can you visualize the life led by couples of yester years? There was not this much of stress in their married life and they were quiet adaptable. They too had their differences, but they resolved it among themselves. They did not divorce for innocuous reasons, as the stress and tension associated with today’s marriage was not an issue they faced.
Why did yester year couples have peaceful life?
- Their life style was simple.
- They did not have the stress and tension you face in work today.
- They did not have the rat race you experience now.
- Women stayed back at home to look after the family and so there were no ego clashes.
Why is compatibility which is part and parcel of any marriage not in the scenario of modern marriages?
- The lifestyle has become hectic and overloaded with work.
- You have to face competition everywhere.
- With women venturing to work, there are ego clashes.
- The family values of yester years have become outdated now.
The changed scenario of marriage
Today the focus of marriage has changed completely. With the women becoming financially independent, ego clashes are a common sight and the tug of war for supremacy continues to mar your married life as no one is prepared to give in.
You do not have the patience to listen to your spouse and whatever he\she says makes you feel highly strung up and you spit out words of venom which destroys the love you have for each other. You make a big deal of small issues and come to the conclusion that you have married a wrong person.
What are essential aspects needed to make marriages work?
- Mutual respect
- Time together
- Support and care
- Interest in each other
The modalities of modern marriages
But do modern marriages have all these qualities? It is indeed sad that you do not have time or the mindset to make your marriage work. It is also surprising that couples make much ado about everything and in the process lose the happiness in their married life. With both husband and wife going to work, everything has become mechanical.
Locking horns with your spouse
Tiredness, stress and work related tension take toll of your energy and you feel edgy and keyed up always. Instead of relaxing at home and easing your tension, you make your married life even more problematic by locking horns with your spouse. A single innocuous word is enough to make you flare up and you retire to bed sullen and brooding.
Your time together in the evening is not for arguments, but to enjoy the relaxation of being together. Do not bring work related tension home and spoil the day for you. Whatever might be the stress you had experienced at your work place, your time at home is for quality time with your family. Your problems should be shared with your spouse and not hidden from her\him as if it was some top secret.
Lean on each other
You might as well argue that your spouse does not have the inclination to listen to you. You will be surprised that when you lend sympathetic ears to her \his problem, you get back a reciprocal response from her\him. Sharing household chores together, supporting each other in times of need, solving money problems together all make magic of your marriage.
Physical intimacy is a stress reliever
Physical intimacy and mental intimacy are co-related. If you put the blame on your heavy work load and avoid sex, you gradually drift apart and you both will be like strangers living together on compulsion. On the other hand, if you spend intimate time together after the children retire to bed, it binds you both in a bond of love and it gives you a sense of comfort and relaxation.
Is criticizing your forte?
Are you a criticizing spouse? If so, there are bound to be unnecessary arguments and bitterness. You criticize your spouse for everything, but in actual fact you are venting your tension on your spouse. Everything about him\her has a biting comment from you and your spouse answers back with a stinging retort . Where does this leave you? I am sure both of feel lost what went wrong with the love you had for each other.
There can be mild arguments in family life as both of you are human and so prone to mood swings. But when there are bitter and acidic fights between you and hurtful words exchanged, your marriage plunges into an abyss of destructive separation. Who emerges the winner in such bitter war of words? There are no winners as both of you lose the beauty of love because of your incompatibility. In marriage the lifeline in your relationship is love and how well you both complement each other.
‘Little kindness and courtesies are so important in relationships, the little things are the big things’ –Stephen.R.Covey.
When you pay attention to the small and most important aspects of marriage, you feel good in your married life. It also makes you edge out the differences you have and beckon love into your marriage.
© 2012 mathira