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How to know that you truly love someone

Updated on February 7, 2013

Unlock loves true balancing Act


Is it really that simple?

To me loving someone is very simple, but knowing that they love you back isn't quite as easy to determine for most folks.

Sharing and caring work hand and hand in the love category to me, and if the person your supposedly in love with isn't rendering such signs of affection back on a consistent basis, then that might be time to think about what it is they're actually involved with you for.

Love can be sharp like a dagger and as precious as a baby, and can do more harm then good if only one partner is to over extend themselves in the love department.

The worst non physical thing to occur between two people, is to not receive some level of love signals back in return, for a simple gesture of kindness delivered from one person to the other.

Now, I do know that everyone has a differing capacity for love, and so it is also something that can be taught, can be learned by children during their growth stages from birth, and most especially from their mother and father through real signs of affectionate sensations of talk, touch, and attention giving, and all the way through their entire adolescence to adult life.

Past Chilhood Experience & Parenting affects love life

Young adulthood also plays a huge role in this arena, when it comes to a youthful mind learning to determine their own taste in a future mate.

If the parent pressures them too much about having a love relationship (the birds & the bees), how they should conduct themselves while attempting to do so, and the likes, it may have the tendency to cause resentment, and potentially back fire on the parent or parents.

This may actually make that young person potentially lose touch with their ability to love fully, causing attachment issues, emotional troubles, and the possibility of not learning how to cope with a true life partner in their unforeseen future.

So many parents whom are far more balanced emotionally, socially, and relationship wise will pretty much allow their children some breathing room, because 9 times out of 10 they might just know the consequences of over burdening them, and if not well its up to the child to break the viscous cycles of lost love.

Attachment issues may also occur from many differing attention imbalance issues, dealing with over attentiveness or under attentiveness in parenting.

Is this how it really goes

Now on the other hand, parents that allow their children to become responsible for their own actions by giving them some slack, by not over burdening them with their harsh ways of discipline, tend to produce a far more well balance adult in the end, because they aren't going to have as many potential hang ups, and unrealistic fears of relationship failure. Actually this is the Hollywood answer to it all, but to truly find out an accurate answer it might just take a huge survey of epic proportions.

Common Sense Says-

Think about it all this way, once that same person decides to quit giving, or for some reason may have chosen not to receive any further, that generally is signs that the person is having considerate issues dealing with their emotions, and its manifesting itself into all physical forms, and especially the things they hold dear to them, much more then the real love that should be shown and expressed to their actual life partner or love relation.


Love is something that stems from the birth canal, and without taking a closer look at a persons entire life experience as a whole, it would be truly hard to pinpoint all that needs to be addressed when it comes to truly knowing who loves you or not, and even if you love them.

By merely taking a person out on dates, buying them fancy gifts, and doing many materialistic things is just a superficial way to show someone what I consider to be false love, because these are the same things that actually make & break relationships about 75% of the time.

So those people whom are in it to win it sort of speak, truly need a self assessment in the love department if they think that all it takes to show and render love is to give or take things from their partners.


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    • Mr Love Doctor profile image

      Mr Love Doctor 5 years ago from Puerto Rico

      "This may actually make that young person potentially lose touch with their ability to love fully, causing attachment issues, emotional troubles, and the possibility of not learning how to cope with a true life partner in their unforeseen future." This sentence is simple common sense, and yet so many parents try to force their children into their own mold of how a relationship should work. To be fair, it's mostly because they love their kids and don't want them making the same mistakes they did. But how many stupid things we did as youth were a pendulum swing to the opposite of what our parents wanted from us? And if we push our kids one way, is it too hard to predict they will go the exact other way? Live and let live, says I.

    • CloudExplorer profile image

      Mike Pugh 5 years ago from New York City

      @dwachira, love is so important and definitely when it comes to young children, spending precious quality time, and showing signs of affection all pay huge in the child's future for sure, which cost nothing right.

      Its nice to hear that you and your son has a good relationship, cool stuff man.

    • dwachira profile image

      [ Danson Wachira ] 5 years ago from Nairobi, Kenya

      I always create time to have fun with my young son, find this to be very useful especially i get a chance to learn what is bothering him as he becomes more open to me. I liked and enjoyed reading this. Voted up and more.

    • CloudExplorer profile image

      Mike Pugh 5 years ago from New York City

      Thank you for reading and for sharing with me @Victoria Lynn. I learned all this from my relationship with my mother, and father.

      Much of this knowledge also came from my connection to my own relations with others, from watching a great deal of movies, lifetime shows, and attending psyche classes as well as philosophy courses in college. It all came together though many years later when I had distanced myself from all of my loved ones in the US Navy.

      I lived alone for close to 6 years in the Navy barracks on base, where I did a great deal of soul searching, learning many meditations from the likes of the Buddha, Zen, and Taoism, and also from Christianity from my wife's church we go to currently. So its quite a bit of knowledge I gathered from many real life sources, of good authentic wisdom. I'm so glad it inspired a bit of thought on it all.

    • CloudExplorer profile image

      Mike Pugh 5 years ago from New York City

      @carolinemd21, thanks for complimenting on my article here, it is much appreciated by me, I give your hubs a try soon as well, not sure how I missed your comment but anytime to respond to it is as good as any, speak to you soon.

    • Victoria Lynn profile image

      Victoria Lynn 5 years ago from Arkansas, USA

      Interesting hub. You explore the topic well, as defining love can be difficult, as can be figuring out if you have real love or the person you're with really loves you or to what extent. I like this hub. You make me think!

    • CloudExplorer profile image

      Mike Pugh 5 years ago from New York City

      Hi Mr. Vegas Elias, yes indeed love is a very touchy issue and topic to right about, because everyone has their very own personal experience with it all. Some of us may appear to know what love truly is by our actions expressed outwardly, by our words expressed as well, but inwardly its where love counts most.

      You my friend are a bearer of true wisdom judging by your comment you've just left me, as well and I shall give your hubs a try too for being so kind to deliver me the hub love here, as well as all those who have come to share with me. Hey, thanks for the follow, and I will surely return the favor.

    • CloudExplorer profile image

      Mike Pugh 5 years ago from New York City

      Hey there @Billybuc, I'm happy to see that you liked my Love hub, it was an answer to a question that Homestead bound had asked us all, and I was so attracted to it, I had no choice but to give it my all. Thanks for sharing with me and for taking the time to comment.

    • carolinemd21 profile image

      Caroline Marie 5 years ago

      Really great article Cloud Explorer. Very informative. Sometimes it's hard to see what real love is nowadays with all the stuff that is supposed to be meant as love. Voted up.

    • CloudExplorer profile image

      Mike Pugh 5 years ago from New York City

      Thanks @Dmop for such a well defined critique of my 'Love' hub here, your insight-fulness is truly comforting to me. I cant wait to read some of your hubs as well, see you soon bro in your comment area as well.

    • CloudExplorer profile image

      Mike Pugh 5 years ago from New York City

      Welcome everyone, first up Homesteadbound, I'm so happy that you posted this question up in the Q&A area there. I haven't answered one ever since the contest actually, so I was due for a hub response such as this one here.

      Since your question posed such a challenge to me I figured why not take a shot at answering it. Yes indeed family issues make the love factors in life shift quite a bit, but that's definitely what makes it all, worth living for me.

      It was so nice of you to stop by here to give a little love to my 'Love' hub. Oh and thanks for the inspiration as well.

    • Vegas Elias profile image

      Vegas Elias 5 years ago from Mumbai

      A good article on a difficult subject. Actually it is very difficult to define love. Our mind and our emotions are both involved; as a result we fail to understand when we go wrong when we decide that either we love someone or someone loves us. I feel true love can happen only after a mature age and after one has gone through both good and bad experiences in life.

      Anyway this article was a very thought provoking one which made me go back into my past life experiences. I liked the writing and so I voted up this hub.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Excellent hub my friend! A subject that is near and dear to my heart. In my case I didn't understand love until I had finally found a person who was capable of giving it; until that point it was all a play, going through the motions. My Bev is the one who taught me that love is not about scoring points but rather about

    • dmop profile image

      dmop 5 years ago from Cambridge City, IN

      This was a good read, I think you might be on the right path with your idea of parenting and how it affects the child's relationships. Love is a powerful and many times mystical force, it can be invigorating or crushing. Voted up and interesting.

    • homesteadbound profile image

      Cindy Murdoch 5 years ago from Texas

      You have shared wise words here. Our childhoods and our whole lives affect us much more than we realize. But I find it interesting how it can affect children so differently. My parents were terrible to each other and to us. And eventually lost custody of us when I was 7, and my sisters were 4 and 2. I chose a stable relationship of now 32 married years, my middle sister has been divorced multiple times and my youngest sister is in a failing marriage - her second. So even though life's circumstances are their to influence us, we do not all conform to what life wants to make of us.

    • CloudExplorer profile image

      Mike Pugh 5 years ago from New York City

      Nice of you to drop in Vincent Moore, I'm so glad you have addressed these love issues, because admittance is the way out of loves harsh virtuous trap I do believe, because it has some tough underlining meat hooks sort of speak, that stem all the way back to our very beginnings.

      I'm also glad to have met you on hubpages, and surely on Facebook in those two awesome groups there. You are truly a valiant man, and very thoughtful as well as kind, but most of all your honest with everyone.

      I been reading many of your post's and I sense wisdom seeping out from you every step of the way. Thanks for sharing with me, and I'll definitely be reading a great deal of your hubs, your newest budd Cloud Explorer.

    • profile image

      Vincent Moore 5 years ago

      A very stimulating thoughtful article on love. I truly believe my difficulty with love stemmed from my lack of it as a child. It's not that my mother didn't love me, she didn't show it much. My father was never home, he was mostly spending time in crime and being arrested.

      The men in my mother's life were usually beasts and abusers. So when I became an adult and eventually married, my marriage lasted 19 years. However I divorced for various reasons, but today I believe much of it had to do with my capacity to not love properly.

      I live with my mistakes today and live alone. I don't want to hurt anyone with disappointment anymore. Thank you for sharing this I hung on every word.