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Don't Lie if you are Caught Cheating!

Updated on June 9, 2012
Answer ALL Questions
Answer ALL Questions

Save your relationship by telling the truth

Lying after cheating....a recipe for disaster!

Many couples can survive infidelity, what a relationship cannot survive is endless lies.If you are caught cheating on your wife or husband your first instinct may well be to minimize the impact of this revelation. So, you play down the affair; it was "only a few times" that you slept with the other person; the affair "wasn't serious"; it only lasted a few weeks..etc..etc...

You may think that you are protecting your partner. You reason that the more detail they know, the greater the hurt. You want to save your relationship and get back to before the affair...but you are being selfish and deluding yourself if you think that these "white lies" will help. Once your partner knows you have been unfaithful, their trust in you is shattered. Yes, that trust can be rebuilt, but not on a foundation of lies.

Your partner is going to be suspicious of your behavior and everything you tell them about the affair. They will be devastated by this betrayal and find it exceedingly difficult to believe anything that you say. If you lie to them, they will find out, and the body blow that deals to your relationship may mean they will never forgive you.

Who are you protecting?

Be honest; you are ashamed of your betrayal, you wish it would just go away, that it had never happened, you probably don't want to talk about it. Well, tough! You cheated on your partner, you are in the wrong, whatever the reasons for your cheating, it was wrong to do this. Yes, i understand that relationships go through tough times. maybe your partner neglected you, was always tired, did not seem to care anymore...did you talk to them about this? Infidelity may be some people's response to feeling unloved, but it does not make it alright to cheat!

Your partner is hurting, and you think that by keeping quiet about details of the affair you can reduce the hurt...don't kid yourself, you are not protecting them, you are protecting yourself.

Being honest with your partner is not going to be easy, but in the long run your relationship is more likely to survive if you tell the truth. Lying about your infidelity is stacking up trouble for yourself. Most women I talk to and a large percentage of men too, say that discovering the details of the affair were lies, is like being cheated on again. It is yet further hurt, it erodes trust completely. The original infidelity may not break the marriage, but the subsequent lies lead to divorce.

The whole truth?

If you genuinely believe that some details should be kept quiet, ask yourself one thing, "Is the truth going to come out eventually?" When it does, the fact you kept it from your partner may destroy everything that you have tried to rebuild.

Infidelity is a huge lie in itself, don't compound the damage by lying after discovery!

Get Help!

Counseling can help
Counseling can help

How to tell the truth...

Most people when they find out about a partners' affair are initially shell shocked, they cannot process the information. Some will obsess on a particular detail, such as where the infidelity took place..the marital bed being an especially painful and humiliating location! If the lover is someone they know this may become the focus of subsequent conversations, as this can be a double betrayal. It is an uncomfortable fact that much infidelity takes place with spouse's friends or neighbors. Whatever the details of your particular affair, do not be fooled by an initial lack of conversation about specifics. Just because your partner doesn't ask many questions at the beginning does not mean they won't want to know all the gory details later.

At the start it is probably not a good idea to overload your partner with information. The most important truth you can tell them is that you have had an affair, it is over, you are truly sorry and you want to save the relationship. you could, t the beginning say something such as, "I know you will have questions, and I will answer ALL of them later, right now I need you to know that I want to save our relationship."

Over the course of the next few days, you should answer any question asked, without hesitation, and however odd the question may be. The most common mistake made by the cheating spouse is to assume that the questions will be over in a few days. It can take months, years even, for a relationship to recover from infidelity, but it can recover. It takes patience and lots of repetition. A question may be asked again and again because the partner does not believe the answer...so you may need to expand on your response if it seems they need to know more.

Going for counseling is another good way to ensure that painful truths are dealt with. It is sometimes easier to reveal details with a trained mediator in the room to help you deal with the fallout!

The Truth is Better in the Long Term

Tell the Truth!
Tell the Truth!

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