How to maintain good relationship with your friends after your marriage?
‘Friendship is always a sweet responsibility, never an opportunity.’ – Khalil Gibran
You need good friends whether you are married or not. It is with them you share all your inner most misgivings without any reservation. Your time with them is all fun and mirth as they boost your ego by saying things you want to hear about you.
But your marriage does bring in a subtle gap between your friendship as your priority changes. You have a family to look after and you do not have enough time in hand to be with them as before. A good friend understands this and maintains a respectful distance from you so that you spend your free time with your family.
Do you know that your spouse feels his\her hackles rise when your friend intrudes into your privacy. Any relationship flourishes only when it has perfect distance. Your parents should maintain space to gain respect from you. Your children revolt when you intrude into their world and your spouse also needs spacing to have some time for himself\herself.
Then how is it you feel your friends can have your presence any time? Do you know your spouse feels resentful when you spend more time with your friends than with him\her?It is strange how some of your friends do not know that you now have a family to look after and you are duty bound to spend time with them.
These are some of the ways your friends intrude into your married life!
- He\she calls you in the mobile when you are with your spouse and talks for a long time while your husband\wife fumes.
- Your friend takes you to the wrong path of alcohol and drugs which destroys you and your family.
- He\she gives wrong advice about your spouse.
- He\she uses you to fulfill his\her needs.
- He\she keeps borrowing money from you by citing your friendship and you feel difficult to deny.
You feel comfortable with your friends than with your spouse, because when you are with them you have nothing to hide, no duties to fulfill and no demanding questions to be answered. But with your spouse, it is an entirely different story! You are duty bound to your spouse, there are lots of family issues to be solved and all these make you drained and sapped. You want an outlet for your frustration and your friends make you feel relaxed by boosting your ego.
Money can destroy your friendship
Money is something which creates lots of tension in any relationship. When you lend money to your friends without the knowledge of your spouse, it creates terrible rift in your marriage as your husband\wife feels your friends are fleecing you out of your hard earned money.
A good friend knows that you have lots of financial commitments after your marriage, and would not embarrass you by asking you for money. When you marry, you should introduce your friends to your spouse so that he\she also gets to know about them. When your friend becomes a family friend, your spouse does not have any reservations about him\her.
When you plan occasional family outing with your friends it further tightens your friendship and such friendship lasts a life time. Do not crib about your spouse to your friend as he\she loses the respect due to your husband\wife. Do not talk in a low voice in the mobile with your friend as it makes your spouse suspicious.
Friendship with the opposite sex
Today it is common to be friendly with the opposite sex, but you should be very careful when you interact with them. Spending long time with such friends makes your spouse angry with frustrated doubts about the nature of your friendship.
Do not make unnecessary physical contact with your female\male friends and there should be a dignified distance between you. It is perfectly right on your part if you deviate a little away from friends of the opposite sex after your marriage. Your friendship should have a boundary line to prevent it from peeping into your family life and this is one quality which is very needed to make it last long.
You cannot do without friends as you need an outlet for your true emotions, but your family means more than your friends. A true friend will never try to enter into the private world of your family and perfectly knows his\her limits. You need more of such friends and not friends who think it their right to have you at their beck and call.
© 2014 mathira