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How to manage friends
What is friendship ?
There are tones of definition you can find regarding this relation and hundreds of times you would have forwarded and received the messages which define meaning of friendship. I have a simple definition to tell you which I have found as a result of my experience."Friendship is a strong link between the hearts of two individual irrespective of what trait and attributes both individuals have."
What those quoted words mean is that friendship is a bond between two individuals and it does not care about any benefits. What does it care for is the feelings of security. Most of the time when a person feels insecure, he craves for someone who may pacify his restlessness and assure him that "I am by your side and you need not to fear anything".
Those quoted words mean that friendship is a bond that ascertains one that he may confide every thing-- that he has in his heart-- to his friend and release the pain of the stifling feelings.
Those quoted words mean that there must be no thoughts between the friends. A wonderful example of friendship one finds from world`s Longest and Greatest Epic Mahabharata. Duryodhana and Karna`s friendship can be regarded as the epitome of friendship.
Those quoted words mean that friendship is like that water which remains in a container. Initially the water is poured from two individual tumblers but as soon as the process is over, one cannot identify the whose water is which. Same goes for friendship. if you have something and you and your friendship needs it simultaneously , I would suggest that instead of blindingly giving it to your friend you just consider who needs it most. Whosover needs it more give it. Remember do not be stern to your own requirements since you also have a friend inside you.
Manage Friends !
Most of the people who are reading this hub will immediately assent that yes,even friends are someone who must be managed. But some might not easily accept, specially the champs who incidentally hit on this article.
The first thing that you need to know is that man is a social animal. He cannot exist in isolation. An ancient Greek philosopher once remarked that one who can survive without a society is either a beast or a God but not a human being. So, there is no doubt that one needs friends and specially in his teenage when he continuously discovers new facets of life.
So far for the necessity of the friendship. Now I move to describe why it is necessary to manage friends to convince those who are almost obsessed with the feelings of friendship.
I have seen that in modern context people see a man/guy/woman/girl as his/her friend if the concerned person is on Facebook, continuously chats, messages on cell phone. If he is very closer, spatially, he gets out with you on outings, enjoys trip to long distances and other things of pleasantries. It might appear some what stern for you but this is an incomplete friendship. The criteria I have described above do not applies to every one. There are many guys who are well acquainted with what a friendship is. But I just want to emphasize that this hub is intended for those who come under the aforementioned case and for those who despite understanding the true meaning of friendship are not able to keep an equilibrium in their life.
I will describe the methods in this hub by which one can excel in his studies as well as keep harmonious and intimate relation with the friend he likes.
Best ways to manage friendship
I have described below, quickly, how to manage friends which I have detailed later on.
- You should have a routine for your daily life.
- Do not be very stern as well do not be very submissive. Maintain an attitude which neither hurts your friend nor it turns to flattery.
- Do not explode(react violently to your friend) if you have this habit, Curb it.
- Some times it is your fault and you know this tough digesting truth but you still do not accept your fault. This is perhaps the most detrimental habit to amicable relations. Since it is due to ego. Hence stop it.
- Do not let the ice freeze. What I mean to say is that some time it happens that you stop talking to a friend. But do not let it continue. Break the deadlock by approaching your friend. Remember the one who cares more for the relation is going to approach first and hence winner in friendship.
- Do not expect too much. Why should you ? He is your friend and not your slave or personal assistant that every time he must be compliant to your demands.
- It happens that sometime your friend is furious due to some reasons completely strange to you and you visit to him and find that he has spilled his anger on you. You need not to fret since it can happen with any human being, even you, and hence do not mind. Your friend will surely regret for his misbehave once he has regained his temper.
- Do not get obsessed, specially with female friends. I am not stereotyping nor I am chauvinist but I am just saying that friendship with opposite sex is much different than the friendship in same sex.
- If she is very close to you then I don`t have any right to comment on the nature of your friendship but if she is not(which normally happens in friend circle) obsession will lead you on the way to be henpecked.
- Do not become like sheep but instead maintain your individuality and inspire your friends to concentrate on their goals, if you have got leadership in you.
Friends Happy and Contended
Routine is lifeline of an individual
Routine brings orderliness and Punctuality in our life. Routine displays the strength of character. It is the routine which makes one a man. Specially for students routine should be inevitable part of their life. Routine leads to the proper utilization of time which is, as far as it is known, most precious ingredient in one`s life. Let me give you a simple example of it. You learn 5 words daily which means that you are learning 150 words in a month. And to tell you it is rarest possibility that you can learn 150 words in a day and remember all of them.
You might have got a glimmer of the power of routine. Now you may ask what it has to do with managing friends. Have patience that will be shortly clear to you. I will furnish one more example to strengthen the need of timeliness. suppose you have opened a bank account and you daily get Rs. 86400 in your account. The only condition that bank imposes is that the amount(Rs. 86400) you get every day will be lapsed if you do not use it in 24 hours, i.e. the validity of the grant is just one day. What will you do ? You will use every paise that you get. In the same way nature gives you 86400 seconds daily. And we are foolish enough to waste this precious resource on nonsense things.
See, when you have a routine and you follow it with great dedication and conscientiousness, believe me your friends are too going to respect you for your this remarkable trait and they won`t disturb you(if they are true friends) for silly things. Wait, let me clear one thing. I have said that you make routine but this does not mean that you cease spending time with your friends. This is never a sign of good routine. You need every thing not just your studies. And you need to be sharing more time with friends if you are in hostel.
Remember life is in itself a great learning experience so do not miss it. I knew a guy-- from first year, Boys Hostel of our college. He was so immersed in his studies that we never saw him in the gallery except when he went to washroom for a pee or morning rituals. He has, though qualified for IIT Kanpur, but he has missed all the social customs and etiquette that one learns in college.
Best thing in a friend
What is the best thing that you like in your friend ?
Be moderate with your friends
Let me elaborate it with the help of an example.I have a friend who was very submissive in freshmen year. He acceded to everything we asked him to but later on he completely became adamant like a rock leading to frustrations and brawls. Since we never stopped talking and hence no disastrous event occurred in our friendship. But it may not be the case with every one. Hence I advise that you don`t be too submissive.
When you become very submissive, your feelings are hurt since servile nature is not a mark of friendship. Then you think that it is this quality(Submissiveness) of yours that you were hurt and your chaps do not respected your dignity and hence you begin to move towards the other extreme which is stubbornness.
When your friends ask you somewhere to go, even if this outing meddles with your routine, go for them since this makes them feel that you understand them. But if they increase the frequency do not yield and explain them your inability to comply. They may offer you tonnes of reason but you know that you are correct.
Friends Strolling together
Anger is the root cause of all misery
This section is specially for the ones who are short- tempered. The ones who are placid and calm even if their friend gets frenzy over them, can skip this section.
"One cannot clap with single hand." Hence, if for some of your mistakes, your friends shouts over you. Remain calm as much as you can. How to remain so? The best way is to immediately make a resolution not to speak or make any expression which may further fuel his anger. He will too become calm and be pleased with you. He shall afterwards not only forget your mistake but also give a special place to you in his heart. Find more ways to control anger here.
Melt the ice before it`s too late
There is a very wonderful quote in Hindi which I would like to append below.
"भले ही लड़ लेना - झगड़ लेना, पिट जाना -पीट देना, मगर बोलचाल मत बंद करना क्योंकि बोलचाल के बंद होते ही सुलह के सारे दरवाजे बंद हो जाते है |"
(You can quarrel, you can even grapple but never cease talking to your friend since as soon as you stop speaking it ends all the options of reconciliation.)
See, quarrels, brawls, exasperation are natural in friendship. In fact the one with whom you never quarreled cannot be your true friend. Since the one who are very closer to you, you would for sure be very frank and candid. So these are ingredients which further strengthen the bond of friendship.
Now, when you begin to take silly matters very seriously and start keeping it to yourself then the problem arises. You do not share your views with the friend who has unintentionally teased you and hence somewhere you begin to form a negative perception about your friend. He, of course is not a god, and hence he begins to change his perceptions for you.
What is required that you go and tell him every thing you have on your mind regarding him. I and my partner used to quarrel in every two months. The reason was very simple. We accumulated false perceptions about each other and when we quarreled we clarified our problems to each other. in this way we again came very closer and understood each other in a better way. But remember to do this make sure that your room mate or friend understands that quarrel is just a simple thing to cleanse the false perceptions and splurge the feelings.
Ingredients of friendship
Female friends are to be dealt differently
I will say you something and which I believe is universal truth. I have given below a Sanskrit Verse which bears the testimony.
"त्रिया चरित्रम, पुरुषस्य भाग्यम, देवो न जानती, कुतो मनुष्य |"
(A woman`s character and a man`s destiny even god`s cannot gauge.)
I have outlined some points which might be helpful in case you ever find yourself in impasse in your relationship with your female friend.
- Girls are solemn in nature and hence you cannot be very persistent with them.
- It requires a lot of effort to build trust since they are many differences in perceptions of a boy and a girl.
- You have to desert habit of belittling womanhood if you are a chauvinist and if you are not then it`s fine. In short, respect feminism.
- You must have to be patient enough while chatting(not with every girl is this case but the point is just given if somebody has got such type of friend.)
- Learn mannerisms if you are an outlaw.
Excessive expectation is dangerous in any relation
Do not expect too much from anyone including even yourself. When you expect too much from someone, whosoever it may be, there are many detrimental effects of it which are highlighted as follows :-
- You degrade the confidence of the guy with whom you are expecting too much. He may come under some sort of unwanted pressure which is only going to worsen the whole situation. And once he is not able to do well in the selected field of endeavor he is going to fret and held you as responsible, and of course you are !
- The other thing is that suppose you want to do something at some moment of time but your friend may not be prepared or may not be willing to play the part you expect him to play. Then here comes the problem. There you become stern and want him to be as you bid. See this is not a good sign for a healthy relationship. You take it as case of offense against your pride and prejudice but this a wrong attitude.
- Take another case concerned with the opposite sex. It happens most of the time with boys that they willingly feel that she(who so ever she may be) is a close friend of him and they expect much from her. But girls are entirely different and she might not have the same perception for the concerned boy. And this may lead to clashes between them.
The solution to all of the above cases is very simple. When you face an event like this, use your rationale and determine that whether you are right or you are expecting too much. After you have found, be honest to sticking the righteous decision of yours.
Best song on friendship from Bollywood
Obsession of a female friend.
It is the law of the universe which says that opposite things attract and like things repel. So, it is natural that you might get attracted to a female friend very quickly and get deeply influenced with her. The reasons are pretty obvious to you hence I am not going to evince them here.
You become friend of her but it is not necessary that even she considers you friend with same emotional intensity that you have for her. Test her feelings and emotions for you. If she is true by her heart then it`s fine because this paves way for the next level which most of the boys are ready to go. But it may also be possible that girl who seems to be very close to you might be flirting with you.
If you find her to be flirtatious then be aware of her since she might be doing all this to make something(something of her benefit) out of you. Remember as the Sanskrit Verse says the girls(not all) are very hard to understand and they are very witty in hiding their true emotions. I have seem many of my friends draining their Dad`s hard earn money on such type of girls.
And if you found that girl is true and has a clear conscience then you can remain her friend. And then what is the need of obsession ? Replace your obsession of her with obsession for your bright future and hobbies which will help to realize your dreams.
Sometimes you are very emotional and you want to ooze out every thing you have in your heart. At that moment make sure that she is very close to you and understands you, if feelings you want to pour are concerned with her.
Bulls on parade
If you reside in hostel then it often happens that during the tea hours or when you have taken your dinner, friends come and do a lot of chattering-- we called it "Bhasad"-- at that time you need to be little careful. Since there are cases, specially in substandard institutions that the guys who do not study, do not conform to college rules and having most of the traits --that an outlawed student has-- try to prove themselves as the cool and smart guys.
You know their way of life and their attitude is not correct. So if they are very close to you then it`s your duty to correct them and if they are not then you need not pay attention to rubbish they talk. Although I am not telling that you completely shun from their company since they are in your group and class hence you cannot completely avoid them.
This is why I named this topic bulls on parade. Most of the guys yield themselves to the atmosphere and hence pay later. But you don`t! Be like a leader and let your thoughts and aspirations define your aim and somebody else.
I have earnestly try to define friendship and method by which one can protect this precious relationship which if true can work wonders and bring happiness in one`s life. Little tempering with it may lead to misery and sorrow in the fruitful years of one`s life which are meant for struggle and self development.
I would be happy if my readers make me aware of any mistake, either in thoughts or spellings, that might have escaped my attention. I welcome criticisms of my readers and wish them to manage happily with their friends.