- Gender and Relationships»
How to manage your love for becoming soul-mates forever (Part One:2)
After a long day of spending time outside, I feel great to be back at home. I rented the movie "Letters to Juliet" to relax after walking, running and thinking for such a long time. I sat down in front of the television with " Yum Wun Sen (Spicy Mung Bean Noodles Salad) in my hands. I thought it was such a great evening for me! Well, I wasn’t interest this movie too much as I was very hungry. After I started feeling full I realized that this movie was quite romantic.
This movie is about a girl, names Sophie, who is a writer. She and her boyfriend go to Verona, Italy – the beautiful city where Romeo first met Juliet – they found this place where the heartbroken leave notes asking Juliet for her help. It’s there that aspiring writer Sophie finds a 50-year-old letter that will change her life forever. As she sets off on a romantic journey of the heart with the letter’s author, Claire, now a grandmother, and her handsome grandson, all three will discover that sometimes the greatest love story ever told is your own. Claire finally found her lover after they have been apart for 50 years. Sophie and her grandson fall in love each other while they are helping Claire to find her soul mate.
What about Sophie's boyfriend? This is the point that I really want to tell you about. Sophie thinks that she loves him but actually not. They don't have anything in common. She realizes after she meet Claire's grandson that is him who loves the same things as her. In my opinion, common interest is the first concern before deciding to getting married
Lets read this article below so you will understand clearly
Dates, Lovers, Soul Mates
If Choosing a life partner is as easy as choosing a lottery ticket, it must be quite nice because when the bought ticket fails to win a prize, one can crumple it up and toss it away. If, after that, one still wants to take another risk or two to make up for losing, one can always buy another and another. A miss in the lottery is not considered a bit think in life, definitely not failure, not a mental trauma. It is only a fun and transient experience that one can let go of easily.
In the real world, choosing a life partner and choosing a lottery ticket are as radically different as sky to earth. The wrong choice of a spouse is not an ordinary event but can become a major tragedy in life. A lot of young people make a decision in haste only to find out too late that the chosen one is merely a "roommate" and not a soul mate. It is not possible to separate as they wish because the tether or social demand that binds them so tightly makes breaking loose not very easy.
So, before choosing your spouse, you should take time to get to know your "date" as well as possible. When you know your date well, he/she can be promoted to become your "lover" and when you are sure of your lover, he/she can be upgraded to the status of "soul mate".
When Choosing dates and lovers for spouses, 4 criteria should be taken into consideration:
1. Compatibility of faith
2. Compatibility of lifestyle
3. Compatibility of mind
4. Compatibility of intellect
Compatibility of faith means having the same religious faith and sharing the same and the same attitudes towards the world and life. If one party believes in Buddhism and the other in Christianity or Islam, it will not be easy to sail through marriage.
Compatibility of lifestyle means that both sides must have the same or similar lifestyles. If one party loves nightlife and the other prefers staying at home, there is also a high chance of breaking up. Or if one party is pathologically alcoholic while the other is a pathological teetotaller, this will also be a severe threat to their marriage and it may not last so long.
Compatibility of mind means that each side is willing to adjust him/herself, lowering the "ego" and sacrificing individuality in favour of the mutual "us". If either party is too self-centred, the other may feel ill at ease and, eventually, the time will come when they have to wave each other goodbye. Don't forget that it is part of human nature to look for "freedom" and "liberty" without which, married life will be like living in a "prison".
Compatibility of attitude of a couple and lovers counts more than any above-mentioned criteria. Without such compatibility, in spite of looks and wealth, nothing can keep the otherside under the same roof.
To demonstrate that this is a proven fact, one can see it daily on the news and in tabloids featuring superstars and celebrities.
Roadmaps to Happiness
There are some tales of wisdom, which are like roadmaps to happiness for young people in love who are making plans to get married in the near future. One thing is certain, though-the following two tales of wisdom will become of use to householders one day for sure.
1. Turning suffering into happiness
A millionaire was ill with chronic headaches. He sought a cure from every physician and healer available, to no avail. The longer it went on, The greater was the pain that afflicted him physically and mentally, so much so, that he felt the suffering was threatening his life, time and again.
One day, a physician was passing by and volunteered to treat the millionaire's excruciating pain. The unnamed and unknown doctor told the millionaire that the treatment was very easy-he must keep himself in a green environment all the time and everything would improve. His headaches would disappear and he would be totally cured. After the good doctor had left, the millionaire summoned his servant to go and buy paint and had his whole house painted in green.
That was not enough. As landlord of the entire village, the thought about expanding into the whole area-that is, painting the whole neighbourhood green like his house.As soon as the thought had come into his head, he ordered his servants to paint all the houses in the village green. But still this was not enough. The millionaire also insisted that everyone passing by this village must wear green, or be completely painted green by his servants before they could travel in the neighbourhood. After that, everything in sight in the village was turned green. Nevertheless, despite the totally green environment, the millionaire's headaches did not subside. On the contrary, they seemed to intensify. Just before the millionaire was about to meet his tortured end, the same physician happened to pass through his village again. As he was walking by, the millionaire's servants tried to capture him and change him into green garb.
The doctor inquired as to who had done all this. " Look, all the houses in the village and all the people have become all green." The sevants replied that the millionaire had, in fact, been obeying the doctor's own prescription. On hearing this, the doctor burst into sidesplitting laughter at the naivety of the millionaire and his servants. He summouned the millionaire to meet him and said:
" Why did you have to waste so many resources and so much money on turning all the people and houses in the the village green like this? What I told you about living in a green environment can be easily delivered. You just buy a pair of green-len glasses to put on. And there! Everything around you will turn green instantly."
2. The fulfilled self
At a time when Zen Buddhism was flourishing in Japan, Japanese of all walks of life were very eager to study Zen. One afternoon, a well-respected, erudite professor wanted to have a stab at Zen so he went to see a Zen master at his residence. The Zen master welcomed the professor by offering him tea. He calmly poured the tea. The arrogant professor kept his eyes on the old man's teacup quietly and saw something was not right. Tea was spilling out of the cup but the master kept on pouring. He blurted out, trying to bring the master to his senses, "Master, your tea is spilling from the cup." The Zen master looked up and said, "You are no different from this teacup. As long as your mind is full of theories to the brim, how can you learn Zen? You must empty your own cup first." On hearing this, the professor suddenly became enlightened.
Choosing Your Spouse before Starting a Family
People have different philosophies and inclinations about choosing their spouses. Some hold that they must choose the best possible because they don't want to have to marry several times in life. Others don't think they need to take much time choosing. They can decide on anyone who seems "right". What happen in the future is for the future to take care of. Those who are very choosy and take a long time to make a choice are warned by the old adage that "Be too choosy and you will end up eventually with metal" but other add "Wrong" choosing brings calamity".
Those who are choosy and take a long time to make a choice are, according to old wisdom, to be compared to young girls at puberty who have for the first time walked into a garden of flowers. Whatever they see is so dazzlingly beautiful that they keep themselves from picking flowers, thinking there must be an abundance of yet more beautiful flowers in the garden. They enjoy their time and finally find themselves at the exit gate, having walked through the garden thinking that the best flower is yet to come. So they fail to pick any flower on their way out.
Those who are not choosy are like people selecting a lottery ticket. They are lucky if it wins but, if not, they must accept their fate and console themselves with the thought, " What can I do? It was my own choice."
This sentence has been all the more taken to heart by women half the world over who know only too well about wrong choices. It is sometimes uttered by men, though not so often as women. Choosing a spouse is such a hard undertaking that Buddhism suggests to a would-be wife or husband what kind of spouse to look for. Seven categories of spouses come into consideration:
- The executioner-spouse
- The robber-spouse
- The master-spouse
- The mother-spouse
- The sister-spouse
- The friend-spouse
- The servant-spouse
1. The executioner-spouse
Marriage is executed in view of vested interests ahead. In this so-called marriage of convenience, the couple's wedding is just the "threshold" to harvesting interests. Spouses of this type are ready to stab each other in the back whenever possible. What the definition of love is, is of no interest to they who have never wasted a moment to give it a thought.
2. The robber-spouse
After starting out with marriage whatever has been acquired by one is consumed by the other. Spouses of this type are like insatiable fire or sea. One is the earner and the other the spender who depletes wealth to nothing. They are both doomed to exhaust each another with a catastrophic ending.
3. The master-spouse
After matrimonial unification, one party shows its true self as not only a lazy-bones but also as immoderate in eating, verbally abusive, rude, ruthless, domineering and condescending. Living together is like living in prison with a warder or a cage. Couples like this have spawned the expression, " The wedding day marks the loss of independence."
4. The mother-spouse
After marrying, the couple take care of each other like a mother does a child, encouraging the good and discouraging the bad. Whatever their love was at first, it remains constant. Come rain or shine, they will live together happily ever after.
5. The sister-spouse
Each gives reverence to the other like a younger sister looking up to an older brother, honouring, respecting and listening to the other's opinions gently without thinking of one's own superiority or arrogance. Hard feeling are tackled with moderation. Annoyances are dealt with sensibly and mindfully. Whatever good comes is shared and, when in error, support is supplied.
6. The friend-spouse
After the honeymoon phase, friends never abandon friends. Unchanging, loving and faithful, each behaves like "a man for all seasons" with consistency. Sharing in happiness and suffering, though passion may fade mutual friendship simians bright. They are well educated, well-mannered, monogamous, never unfaithful or philandering and causing a rift in the marriage.
After making the big decision, in whatever lies ahead there is a readiness to accept under the motto "love is acceptance". Whatever the abuse one endures it with grace. Endurance is the tenet of this type of spouse.
Couple should judge which of the seven types of spouse they consider themselves to be. After a thorough analysis, they should not forget to adjust themselves to become the ideal spouse before the time comes for a wending of their separate ways.
The Influence of the Third Party
Einstein said "Everything in the universe is relative." In other words, everything exists "interdependently". This universal fact applies in all life without exceptions, even in love. Love is relative, meaning it does not always involve only the two people in question. Sometimes love implicates a third, fourth or fifth party. When does the third or fourth party come in the picture? there's no formula to indicate this. Just look at a superstar couple like David and Victoria Beckham. They are a fine couple but there is a third party always trying to get into their marriage. Break-up has been threatening their love life. This is the truth of love based on Einstein's theory of relativity. How bad can the third party be? Let's look at the tale of wisdom below.
Two days before a young couple was getting married, a jealous man who had been in love with the bride-to-be since college could not stand seeing his loved one happily marrying his rival. He began a strategy of skilful instigation, which was his forte. He went to the groom first and whispered to him that he'd better take care at night because the bride was known to be a "ghoul". She could disembowel him for her meal anytime. Hearing this, the groom-to-be was appalled. Fearful though he was, he could not possibly cancel the wedding.
From here, the same busybody went to the bride-to-be. Acting as her best pal and wellwisher with the best of intentions, learned the secret that the groom was not human. He was in fact a beast with a tail. She had better watch out. After midnight his tail would grow and his fangs would protrude and then it would be time to "sink teeth" into the fair neck of the bride to have his fill of blood from a virgin. Hearing this, the bride was terrified. She couldn't eat or sleep. Nor could she renege. The wedding had been announced and made public. The wedding day went well. That night, after all the guests had left, the bride and the groom lay back to back wary of what might happen. Neither talked to the other. The young couple lay in bed wide-awake in the terrifying, deadly silence of the night. After midnight, the groom was protecting his intestines by covering his backside with his hand, fearing his wife would eviscerate him. In the meantime, the bride was trying to find out whether her groom had a tail as rumoured. She slowly stuck out her hand to feel his backside. Fear-stricken, both pairs of trembling hands met in that vicinity. And that was it! The young newlyweds screamed out at the top of their lungs and ran out of each other's life forever.
The bride thought the groom's finger was a protruding tail. The groom meanwhile thought that the bride was attempting to eviscerate him. Ultimately, the couple's love boat had capsized helplessly to utmost vindication of the instigator.