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How to Meet Women on Dating Sites

Updated on December 13, 2010
Even online, attraction is a series of subtleties.  Looks, humor, word selection, and brevity are measured just as in real life.
Even online, attraction is a series of subtleties. Looks, humor, word selection, and brevity are measured just as in real life.

How to meet people through online dating

Meeting people online is not entirely different from the first stare from across the room.  There are usually pictures involved, so physical attraction must be present from the beginning.  Each party sends what is their best material to the other, in hopes to convince each other that they are clever.

What is different?  We're alive for years, and for our online profiles, you can select what you think is your best picture(s).  The select moment when your hair, clothes, and smile all came together.  When you write your opening line to your love interest, you can backspace, and they never know the stupid stuff that you said earlier.

Which service to use?

The time tried old saying "sex sells" holds true in the world of dating sites just like everywhere else. You can try Eharmony, Match, or even Craigslist and experience mixed results with each. The key to finding what you're looking for, is being clear about what you're looking for, and being honest about what you have to offer. Nothing screams "Look Out!" or "Run" like when somebody lies or exaggerates about their attributes.

Which ever service or services you decide to try, take advantage of their free options. Every site will have an introductory offer, and you would be crazy to not use it. There is no sense in spending $50 looking for that new man or woman in your life if all of the people in your area using that service do not appeal to you. Take a look around, shop a little, and if you see a few "maybe they could work" people in there, you can then surrender your hard earned money.

Do you two have what it takes to heat up a room?
Do you two have what it takes to heat up a room?

Creating your online profile

Demonstrate and clarify, don't blandly state. If you believe you are a clever person, write something clever to your future date. If you have a motorcycle and that is part of your life, show a picture with you and your bike. If you are a hardcore shopper, put up a picture of you in the mall if that is your natural surroundings. Pictures with pets, your home, and anything that you have personalized and better shows who you are, without words. Pictures with friends is nice, but it can be confusing, and you should have their permission first before posting. Nothing is more horrible than seeing a picture posted with friends, but all the friends have their heads chopped off. Keep it simple, and show pictures of you. We all trust that you know people, you don't have to show them.

Remain consistent.  If you decide you are going to create an online profile at two different places, be sure that you are the same height, weight, body type, and have the same number of kids/wives/husbands on each site.  For the same reason you may use multiple sites, others may as well. If you piqued their interest on one site, you may on another, and variations between the two will quickly become red flags.

Sending the first emails, and responding to emails

Let's face it, you are working these online dating sites because you intend to find somebody.  Spend the time to make sure each response is well written, structured, and represents you.  Again, if you are a spontaneous person, include a story that clearly depicts that.  If you are a comedian, be funny without telling jokes.  If you are a snuggler, be sure to emphasize how much you like cuddling up on the couch and watching w/e.  Let the person know who you are, and don't try holding too much back.  Honesty about who you are, and what you're looking for increases the chance of finding the person you actually want to be with, rather than just finding a person.  Besides, a little character will always prove refreshing.

Seal the deal

Finding a date online is not necessarily easier than across the room. There comes a time very early on in the conversations that somebody needs to be assertive and discuss where and when to meet. Both parties are concerned about safety, and awkwardness. Be sure to pick a neutral spot that is quiet enough you can talk, but has enough distractions and conversation pieces to fill in a few of the silent times.

It is ok to be a little nervous when you first meet, but be certain to be yourself! Don't go waving hundred dollar bills around, especially if you only have 2 of them to your name. Don't spend 2 hours doing your hair and looking like you're about to hit the clubs, if you are usually in jeans or sweatpants. Don't wear sweatpants!

If you feel a connection between the two of you, be sure to let them know that one way or another. Tell them straight out that you're very glad you were able to meet them, and look forward to seeing them again. Look them in the eye when you say it! Don't wait until the last minute to discuss when you're going to call or meet next.

Be honest with yourself, and your new friend. If you're not attracted to the person, or don't suspect they are attracted to you, tell them it was very nice meeting them, and simply leave it at that. If the other person talks about when to call or meet next, assure them that you had a good time and that you're glad you two met, but that you have made arrangements to meet others and want to make a decision about everyone, and be fair about it.

When meeting your next date, look that person in the eyes.  Engage them, and engage those around you.  Let your personality fill the room.
When meeting your next date, look that person in the eyes. Engage them, and engage those around you. Let your personality fill the room.

Too kiss, or not to kiss?

Meeting your online flirt for the first time is exactly that, a first meeting. When you typically (fast movers are typically going to be meeting face-to-face) meet somebody for the first time, you don't kiss them goodbye. While this feels very date like, it is technically a first meeting, and afterwards you would go on a date.

If you feel the connection, and both of you are purposely making light contact (touching arms, shoulders, or even holding hands) obviously jump in there and kiss that person. No throat probing, just a kiss.

If things feel like they're comfortable, everyone is smiling and attracted, but there is no forward contact, it is probably best to hold off. It's not a sign that things are going poorly, just moving at a slower pace. Give them a hug good bye, and maybe a peck on the cheek while starting the hug, or ending it. Repeat during the hug that you couldn't be more happy that you met.

Avoid the bots and spam!

Meeting men or women through online dating can be shark infested waters.  There are many people out there posting ads, especially on CraigsList that are spambots, or advertisers hoping to get your contact information to send you ads via email or telephone.

The easiest way to find out if your potential mate is posting on multiple sites, and often discover if they're a spam bot is to take a select section of a paragraph in their profile and google the whole thing.  In Google Chrome, you can simply highlight the text you would expect to be unique, right click, and select "google ......" where ..... represents the text they supplied.  If you see multiple copies of their text, look and see the location of the person.  If you see identical ads in Chicago, LA, and Nashville, it's a sure thing you're barking up the wrong tree.

Inject a little humor into your first meet.  Try to disarm your new friend with a compliment or two, but nothing too crass, like complimenting her.....well, sounds like crass.
Inject a little humor into your first meet. Try to disarm your new friend with a compliment or two, but nothing too crass, like complimenting her.....well, sounds like crass.

Have fun, be safe, be successful

I would like to think that most people we encounter are good people, with good intentions.  Sadly, there are some people out there looking to hurt others.  Before you leave to meet somebody, provide the email address, phone number, meeting location, picture, and times you were supposed to meet with a friend.  Somewhere in the beginning of your meeting, tell your new friend that you were nervous meeting a stranger, and the precaution you took.

Providing a way for somebody to find you isn't nearly as helpful as telling a potential attacker that they should be scared of getting caught.  Most of us will go our entire lives and not be within a 1/2 mile of a truly dangerous person, but Ted Bundy was apparently a charming enough guy.  

About one third of all new relationships start through one online dating forum or another.  It has quickly become an accepted form of initial encounters, and should prove an effective tool for you to meet your next date.  Just remember to be assertive, honest, and follow through with meeting people!


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