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Shattered Dreams: Life After "The Break Up"
The most challenging part about breaking up with someone you could not imagine life without is, actually picturing life without them. Especially the really lengthy relationships. Your whole life was intertwined with this other person’s life including friends and family. If you are in the beginning stages it may seem impossible to overcome all of the emotions you are experiencing now; however, as a survivor of a broken heart, I’m here to tell you that there is hope. There is life, there is love, and there is a rebirth that awaits you. You can start to pick up the pieces of shattered dreams and create new dreams. Your new life has just begun!
Acceptance That It Is Over
Accepting what has happened whether it is gradual or was abrupt, is an important and vital step in the healing process…in your healing. Being in denial only delays the opportunity to work through whatever emotions you are experiencing. During the acceptance phase you need to be 100% truthful with yourself and the end of the relationship. Let’s compare it to a job that you are laid off from or quit from, after a week it would not be wise to continue to call and say that you changed your mind or ask them if they are sure about the decision right? Hopefully not! Well relationships are similar to that. Far too often people break up and get back together for the wrong reasons. Whether it is because it was a bad decision or both people are scared to move on from each other. Whatever the reason it’s pretty unhealthy to habitually break up and get back together with the same person. Why you may ask? Well for starters, there is a reason why there was a break up and unless those problems have been resolved and dealt with individually by each person involved, most likely the situation will occur again. Which brings me to my next phase of spending time alone or apart to reflect.
Acceptance = Peace
The Quiet Time/Self Reflection
After a breakup it is very important to spend time alone/apart and enjoy your own company. Truly experience life without the person you were in love with for whatever amount of time. Unfortunately, some people don’t like to be alone, single, or doing anything involving self-reflection. Maybe they are scared, or maybe it’s codependency. However, there is absolutely nothing to be afraid of when it comes to being alone. That is where the magic happens. Of course there is pain and memories that will come up but they will gradually cease to occur as frequent as time progresses. Personally, it took me months to learn how to sleep without my ex. It took months to stop dreading the phone ringing and hoping it was him and hoping that it wasn’t at the same time. During the time you spend alone, you have the chance to not only work out personal issues but you have the chance to tap into your personal interests and unique gifts. Often we become so wrapped up in another person and their interests that we forget our own.
Take Yourself on Dates
At one point I was scared to go out alone, I thought people would look at me like I got stood up or something. But I can tell you, if you are going out alone with the intention of having a good experience doing whatever you choose to do, it can feel absolutely amazing. Go see a movie, take a painting class, or even a cooking class. You will be surprised at how much you will enjoy your own company. Once you are strong enough to do this, I promise you won’t be worried about what people are thinking or saying about you. Most likely they don’t even notice.
Question for the Readers
How open are you to going out alone?
Stop Checking Your Exes Social Media
This in my opinion, is the most important step or phase. It’s human to want to know what they are doing. If they look happy without you or even if they are dating someone else. However, this really prolongs the chance of you having a normal life. It can become an obsession if you are not careful. Even if you have to force yourself to not check then do that! Distract yourself, watch a funny video, call someone and talk about something other than your ex. As times goes on, there will be days where you won’t think about them, wonder if they are thinking of you, or even care if they have met someone.
Make A Vision Board!
Heal On Your Own Time
Take your time with this, everyone deals with heartbreak at some point or another in life. Everything you are experiencing is completely normal. You will be ok. Stay single for a while so you don’t bring any baggage into the new relationship. There is nothing wrong with waiting until you are ready. Create new goals and memories for yourself. There is a whole world out there waiting for you to discover. Even new love, something better. Forgive yourself first so that you can move on and be free. Being free is how you pick up the pieces. No one else can do that for you.