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How to revamp your love life

Updated on May 8, 2014

The seven year itch is over and you are invisible

Being in a long term relationship can become a bit of a bore. You get stuck into a rut, kids, work, cleaning, bills and the regular day to day duties become a drag.

Intimacy gets washed out to sea and you forget about excitement and fun in your relationship.

For people who have been in relationships or marriages for over five years, you might get a little moment where there is still a spark and you both have a moment of ignition but after the "seven year itch", intimacy becomes non existent.

Why? Men get caught up on social media, work, sport and everything but you and women eventually move onto other things to occupy their minds.

Most women assume their men have lost interest or have started an affair because they have not had an intimate moment for at least a month.

No matter what they try, the men are just not interested, they blatantly show know interest in what their wives or women have to say and therefore, make the women move on to things that keep their minds off of their dismal and miserable existence.

It is a lonely life and while you are roaming around shopping, visiting family and friends or concentrating on a new hobby, your husband or boyfriend is at home wondering why you have lost interest.

Men do not understand that women need communication, romance and attention and women do not understand that men think that just by being in the same room with you, they are spending time with you.

Where did it all go wrong?

Can you revive your relationship both intimately, romantically and can you go back to the start?



Invisible woman in a long term relationship
Invisible woman in a long term relationship

You can revamp your love life

The simple answer is yes you can!

It is not as difficult as it seems to you but it can be done. There are so many things that cause us to drift apart and long term relationships lack intimacy which ends up being once a month if you are one of the lucky ones.

Even then it is rushed and over with before you can blink, leaving one of you to feel unsatisfied and unattractive.

Men are built differently to women and they will not always be attentive and they will assume that by being in the same room with you, they have paid their dues.

Men do not understand that women need conversation and a partner that listens attentively, even if it is just for a few minutes.

Long term relationships often get taken for granted and partners tend to go off and do their own thing, so much so that they get used to the way their relationships have become.

Women find hobbies, friends, family or a bottle of wine and men get stuck into a comfort zone where they feel no need to listen or ignite their partners. The only conversation that they have is about bills, kids and dinner but forget to add interesting topics to their mundane and boring conversation.

For a relationship that has no communication, it means that there will be no intimacy either as women need attention and good conversation before they can be intimate.

A lack of intimacy in a relationship can lead to partners looking somewhere else and for many the idea of the hot young surfer on the beach, is more exciting than the lazy slob sitting out of the sun, reading the paper or drooling over the young girl in the bikini next to you.

Sure these "eye candies" can give you a boost and get you sweating a little but at the end of it all, it is your partner that you go home with and he or she is the one that sleeps next to you, after you kiss your kids goodnight.

Instead of drifting away and feeling lonely, why not go back to the start.

Before you were a mother, cleaner and wife you were also a lover and a best friend. The person that caught the attention of the man that you are with today.

Instead of losing your relationship to silence and curiosity, why not revamp your love life and start over by following a few simple steps.


Get intimate

Revive your love life with intimacy
Revive your love life with intimacy

Get intimate

Instead of feeling lonely and neglected whilst talking to a partner that is not showing any interest, make him interested.

While he spends his time on social networks, get involved and inbox him a few sexy ideas.

This will make him interested and before you know it, he will be messaging you back with something exciting!

Going back to the start of your relationship is easy and all you have to do is remember that you chose to be in the relationship and you need to communicate your feelings in ways that your partner will understand.

Long term relationships give you an advantage as you know your partners way of thinking and what makes him or her hot.

You might have got lost along the way as both you and your partner have the idea that you are not interested which leads you to wonder off and find a hobby.

Why not make that hobby one that you can both enjoy. Buy the Kama Sutra book and work your way through it together.

While he is watching television or his favourite sport, put on one of his sport tops with nothing else! Take a seat and use your imagination.

Getting intimate means that you both have to remember that you are not just parents, bill payers etc and you have to find a place to bury all the bad vibes of the day in order to feel sexy and in love.

Think back to the start of your relationship and what attracted you to your partner.

Sure you have both gotten a little older, fatter or boring but you can find that lustre by going on a date and getting some sexy lingerie for later on !

Tell him what you like and let him know what makes you feel good. Just by talking about that will get his attention and you can work from there.

By getting back intimacy you are already half way there. Don't make excuses and if you must then get some wine and candles for the two of you to enjoy later on when the kids go to sleep.

You can also buy interesting board games if you are stuck for ideas and this will guide you both with things to do.

It is fun and you can forget about all your troubles for a few hours.

Learning to forget is also a great start to a happy and revamped love life. Holding on to ugly words that have been said, words unspoken or actions that have made you angry, will not help either of you and you need to learn to let go.

Don't hold on to things that upset you and talk to your partner as if he is your best buddy. When you have a problem let him or her know what it is that bothers you and just simply come out and say it.

Getting intimate is important because if you cannot find your way back to the bedroom then everything else will end up feeling worse and you will drift apart even further.



How do you find the time for intimacy?

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Find out what turns him on

If things get boring, which does happen and it is normal, you need to see what you can do to spice things up.

Find out from your partner what excites him and what he would like to see happen.

You will be pleasantly surprised at his answers and you might actually enjoy his suggestions.

Turn your intimate life into a new adventure. Try new things, experiment and talk about what would interest him.

Forget the "granny pants" and buy yourself a new range of lingerie and bedroom goodies revamp your love life, by revamping your wardrobe.

If you can't come out and ask him then send him a text, face book or tweet to find out what he would like to see happening.

This could start up a whole new experience for you both and you might actually enjoy it.

Be exciting, be adventurous and forget that you are parents and responsible adults by going back to the start and really concentrating on each other's needs.

Revive your love life and get intimate
Revive your love life and get intimate

What turns her on?

Women love romance and attention so get some candles and a bottle of wine. Sit down and laugh, listen and talk about anything other than bills, kids and what the dinner menu is for the week.

Women who work at home and clean up after everyone can find it difficult to feel attractive and that is where you come in.

Make her feel attractive and give her a reason to dress up and notice you.

Spark up your relationship with some romance and talk to her about what she would like to do.

Your female partner can often feel lonely and she notices when you do not listen or pay attention. So give her five minute of your time and make sure that you show interest. Women who get conversation from you, will give into intimacy a whole lot easier.

Intimate flirts

Intimacy is important and give your man shock treatment by doing something out of the ordinary.

Plan a weekend away for the two of you to just enjoy each other and revamp your love life

Be spontaneous

Forget sport! Get naked

Join his social network and send him naughty messages

Try and reinvent your style and do something different

Let him or her know what you want

Intimacy ignored

If you have tried the steps and you have been ignored or pushed aside then you need to sit down with your partner and let him or her know that you are not happy and that you are feeling lonely.

Everyone has needs and if you cannot get intimate with your partner, it could lead you to complete distance and you will end up disconnected from each other or doing something that you shouldn't.

This will make it easier for you to move on but marriage does have its ups and downs and sometimes the mood or the moment is just not right.

It is not normal for a man to push you aside if you are standing there naked and ready to get down to business! Should he do that often, then you need to check if there is an affair going on or if there is another problem, other than the regular problems.

Make him or her go away with you and just have a dirty weekend where there is nothing but the two of you alone in an environment away from everyday stress.

If he doesn't want to go then tell him that you need it and your relationship does too.

Intimacy that is ignored or pushed aside can be degrading and embarrassing for the one that is standing there naked. There is no excuse for it and if you cannot get him to leave the computer, then switch off the electricity!!!

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    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Isaac Weithers 3 years ago from The Caribbean

      Very good suggestions for rekindling love in the relationship. Thanks for underscoring the importance of intimacy.

    • Tashaonthetown profile image
      Author

      Natasha Pelati 3 years ago from South Africa

      Thank you! Often taken for granted in long term relationships and marriage.

    • teaches12345 profile image

      Dianna Mendez 3 years ago

      I think couples have their ups and downs and need to add some zing once in awhile to keep it alive and fun. My hubby and I have a date night and it really is one way to keep the romance in your life even if it is just a simple picnic. Your pointing out the differences between men and women is really important in discovering what will stimulate the other's interest.

    • Tashaonthetown profile image
      Author

      Natasha Pelati 3 years ago from South Africa

      Great idea, a date night once a week or once a month definitely makes a world of difference.

      It gives both partners the chance to make an effort.

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