- Gender and Relationships
How to say "I Love You" to your wife
Secrets to your wife's heart
Over the past twenty years I have officiated more than fifty weddings. I believe there is a myth among men that women are possessions and property rather than a person. While I have performed more than 50 weddings, I have counseled 100's of couples. More often than not, the underlying problem is that men are selfish (not to say that women aren't) and they lack understanding of winning their wives over. Sure it is easy during courtship, a man will bend over backwards to win his bride, but when she become his wife, that gentleman she once admired soon leaves. His true colors begin to surface...no longer is he patient, kind, warm, affectionate, and compassionate. Rather he is demeaning, and demanding. And he wonders why his wife no longer sees him as the man she thought she married.
Well men, here are some helpful hints to rebuild the bridge that you destroyed. First of all, commit to your wives; not to some one else's wife or another woman. When you exchanged vows, you made a lifelong commitment to her and to her only. Commitment is evident when there is some type of crisis. You begin to hear words such divorce, separation, or I don't know why I even married you...At all costs, avoid using such words...they are unproductive and prove absolutely nothing. If anything, they crush the spirit of your spouse. A committed husband will not direct the blame on the other, but rather discover how to redefine a situation that has turned sour. He will not hold up a score to prove how right he is and wrong she is. Remember, one of the attributes is longsuffering--that is: it is patient and it is kind. It holds not records of wrongs, but rejoices in the truth.
Furthermore, make it a point and a priority to compliment your spouse. Tell her how beautiful she is and how blessed your are to be her husband. This is accomplished in private and in the public spheres. However, words can only go so far...substantiate your compliment with action. There is nothing wrong with a man who opens the door for his wife, holds her hand, or buys her something special just because he is thinking of her.
As you compliment her, let your guard down and confide in her. Open your heart to her. Let her know what you are feeling, how you are feeling, and why you feel the way you do. If you are good with words, write her a poem of how you feel about her. If you have difficulty in expressing your feelings whether it is verbal or written, then purchase a card that exemplifies your feelings toward her. This is where most men fail...they equate confiding in their partner to be congruent to getting something, something later on. You know what I mean. Well, I hate to tell you this, but if your methods and motives are for you to get something in return, you are deceiving yourself. This is not to say that that will not follow, but what happens if it doesn't. Oh believe, I am a man...I know. It deflates the male ego to no end. Believe, I know how discouraging it is. But true love is not suppose to be selfish...anything other reason for complimenting your wife outside of the fact that you love her is selfish. You are setting yourself up for disappointment.
It is when your wife knows that your true motive is born out of love and because your are in love with, that she will be more than willing to give herself to you.
And finally men, make your wife feel complete. I know, what do you mean by making my wife feel complete. Well, it is simply this...listen to them and I mean listen. Set aside whatever is entertaining your mind--a sport game on T.V., the daily newspaper, or working on the car. And by all means, do not respond with some generic answer such as: you are just going to have to get over it, or I don't see a problem, or something that comes across as cold and callous. By so doing, you are not validating, yes validating, your wife as a women and more importantly as your partner.
Always bear in mind that God created a woman to be a companion to the man: a coequal; .a confidant; a child bearer; and a caregiver. When you really think about the role your wife plays, you will come to recognize that she is the foundation of the home your are called to care for. Do not! And I mean Do NOT swing a sledge hammer at the walls that provide the very strength to you home. To do so will only spell disaster.