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How to Stay Happily Married After Having Children

Updated on June 19, 2016

Relationships Change After Having Children

When there are children to care for, love is more than hugs, kisses, back rubs, and sex after the kids go to bed.

In a relationship a big part of love is in recognizing and caring about the details. It’s in doing housework when it’s your turn, or when your partner is too tired or busy; it’s cooking, dish-washing, wiping the counters, sweeping the floor, and changing the sheets.
Not the idea you had of romance, uh?

Tips on how to stay lovebirds for years to come, even after having kids.
Tips on how to stay lovebirds for years to come, even after having kids. | Source

A marriage needs the daily little attentions and deeds as much as an engine needs oil. Never forget to show care for each other, making the other one feeling appreciated.

Let the little things count.

Keeping Romance Alive with Children

How do you keep the romance in your marriage when your life has been thrown upside down by those lovely little people that depend on you so much, and make sure you know it every minute?

For a couple with children, the recipe to a happy relationship is similar to when you have no kids, but with a bigger family, you need more dedication and sense of sacrifice to accept the hard work that is implied on being a good spouse and a good parent, while retaining your identity and get some self-realization.

The great thing is that the hard work is very rewarding, especially when you see your happiness increase, and your family serene and thankful for what you do.

The basis to a healthy relationship are love, commitment, and trust. If both spouses bring these elements to the table, they are more likely to find good reasons to stay together and work as a team every day.

Time spent together as a family is precious. Simple things are the best, like having a picnic lunch in your backyard.
Time spent together as a family is precious. Simple things are the best, like having a picnic lunch in your backyard. | Source

Tips on How to Keep a Happy Marriage - With Children

Below are some ideas on how to keep love alive after kids, some are from my experience and some were inspired by conversations with friends.

You can maintain a loving and respectful marriage that can survive and thrive with children through:

  • Ingenuity
  • Thoughtfulness
  • Sense of purpose
  • Fervent devotion

Be Your Spouse's Teammate

Always work with your partner as a team on a unified front. Having a united front when it comes to making any decision, big or small, provides the much needed love and predictability to the children.

“Let me talk to your father” is my response to requests, when I’m not sure what he would say.

Find Agreement How to Discipline a Child

Avoid confrontation and power struggles in front of the children. If he says something I do not agree with, or gives a punishment I deem too severe, I wait until the kids cannot hear me to point it out, and so does he.

Showing disagreements to your children can confuse them and give them tips for ways to circumvent the rules in the future.

Finding a love note from your partner is always a sweet surprise.
Finding a love note from your partner is always a sweet surprise. | Source

Nurture Love

Nurture that primary relationship, for it is the foundation upon which the whole family rests.

Without a loving, sound relationship with your spouse at the base of your family, anything else you do to keep the family together and happy is vane struggle.

Fun Dating

Have some “you and I” time with your partner.
Maybe a date night scheduled regularly, or you meet for lunch often, or, as we do, play games together when the children are in bed or busy with something else.

Couple in love
Couple in love | Source

Physical Closeness

It’s ok to hug, kiss, caress, hold hands, sit close to one another, and snuggle in front of your children.

It shows them affectionate exchanges are a good thing and are normal in a loving couple. It’s a non-verbal communication that you love each other and enjoy each-other's company.

The Gift of Rest

Give your partner a break after an existing workday by taking the children out of the house and let him or her rest.

Cute Messages

Send sweet texts, emails or phone calls out of the blue, for no particular reason, avoiding the topic of work, bills or kids.

Being Apart

Take a trip, separately. Be away from your partner once in a while, giving each other the chance to miss one another.

Laugh Times

Laugh together, as a family and as a couple.

Sharing good laughs is a wonderful way to bond.
Find and create occasions to laugh together: family dinners, game nights, etc. but don’t forget to get some good humor going also when you are with your spouse alone.

Keep it fun, keep it sexy.
Keep it fun, keep it sexy. | Source

Keep It Sexy

Last but not least, an advice that I got from a friend after her husband divorced her: never, ever stop having sex with your spouse.

Keep your sex life active, fun, and fresh.
Find things to do for the children and sneak into the bedroom – thanks God for those cartoon DVDs!

A healthy relationship is the foundation of a happy family

All the romantic ideas are icing you put on an already tasty cake.

If the foundation of your marriage is shaky, you need to get that in order first. How can you even think of rubbing your wife’s back when you are full of resentment? Why would you want to get a bubble bath and candles ready for your partner when you are angry that he’s not pulling his weight in the family department?

What we learned from our parents' marriage

My hubby and I are only on our 13th year of marriage, parents of two, and looking forward for the rest of our lives together.

I’m the third child of a workaholic couple that has been happily married for 54 years, going on 55. My husband, is the oldest of three children, and his parents recently celebrated 47 years of joyful marriage.

We learned from our parents that the paving of love is never smooth, there are many challenges and bumps that pop out of nowhere sometimes, and you need to be flexible and understanding, stick together and fight strong.Sometimes you need to suck it up and move on.

But when there is deep love, respect, and honesty you can overcome anything. Oh, and add lots of patience in there too.

© 2012 Robie Benve


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    • Robie Benve profile image

      Robie Benve 5 years ago from Ohio

      Hi Louisa, our families are far away and the kids are always with us too, "grown-up time" is truly something to conquer and defend nowadays! :)

      Thanks a lot for reading and your comments. :)

    • Louisa Rogers profile image

      Louisa Rogers 5 years ago from Eureka, California and Guanajuato, Mexico

      I think you are absolutely right on about taking time to renew your own relationship when you are in the midst of child-raising. My husband I offered to babysit the grandkids and the parents came back in less than half an hour! There are much softer edges these days between adults and children-- children often go everywhere with their parents, and 'grown-up time' in many cases has disappeared. I think we have gone a bit overboard.

      Thanks for coming by and connecting with me! I look forward to reading more of you, & congrats on your awards.

    • Robie Benve profile image

      Robie Benve 5 years ago from Ohio

      Hi g-girl11. good yo hear that I'm on the right track. I always look up to people that mait through and make it work. :) Thanks a lot for reading and your comment.

    • g-girl11 profile image

      g-girl11 5 years ago

      I agree with everything you say here--my husband and have been married for 22 years, and have been together for 28. (We were hs sweethearts!) We have two teenagers and have been through a lot together, but we are always a unified front, like you say. Good advice!

    • acaetnna profile image

      acaetnna 5 years ago from Guildford

      Awesome - a brilliant read - thank you.

    • Robie Benve profile image

      Robie Benve 5 years ago from Ohio

      Hi adjkp25, supporting each other no matter what, what a wonderful recipe for success! :) Thanks for sharing. :)

    • adjkp25 profile image

      David 5 years ago from Northern California

      My wife and I got married young but we are just about to hit our 16th anniversary. Things definitely change when kids are introduced into the relationship. We try to always support each other no matter what, it has always helped us.

      Voted up and useful

    • Robie Benve profile image

      Robie Benve 5 years ago from Ohio

      Hi Summerberrie, I'm glad you liked my hub, thanks for reading and leaving a comment. :)

    • profile image

      summerberrie 5 years ago

      Robie, what a nice hub. My kids are nearly grown and I can say the investment in the marriage matters a healthy future with your spouse. Thanks for sharing your helpful insights and tips on keeping a healthy marriage.

    • Robie Benve profile image

      Robie Benve 5 years ago from Ohio

      Thanks for the addition Middle Player, that's good advice.

      "Happiness is a heroic" daily conquer, I like that! :)

    • profile image

      Middle player 5 years ago

      Everything correct. I would add: do no allow the unavoidable past mistakes to affect your present and your future. Happiness is not a given but an heroic daily conquer.

    • Robie Benve profile image

      Robie Benve 5 years ago from Ohio

      Marcy, I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment. Thanks!

    • Marcy Goodfleisch profile image

      Marcy Goodfleisch 5 years ago from Planet Earth

      Awww - what a sweet love note! Having children is a huge blessing, but it definitely changes the dynamics of romance for a couple. Very important information here - voted up and up!

    • Robie Benve profile image

      Robie Benve 5 years ago from Ohio

      Jagerfoods, I can only start imagining. Children's emotions are difficult to handle even in the first marriage, especially through the teenage years. A blending family situation could make it even more complicated. Good luck to you guys, may the boiling pot cool down.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing. :)

    • jagerfoods profile image

      jagerfoods 5 years ago from South Carolina, USA

      Awesome hub. My wife and I were both previously married and we each brought children from previous relationships into the mix. What we ended up with is a boiling pot of different emotions and feelings. Bottom line: it's anything but a Hollywood ending.

    • Robie Benve profile image

      Robie Benve 5 years ago from Ohio

      @ sadie423, I used to want 5 children, but we started too late, and stopped at two. Better that way, I don't know if I could have done it. Kudos to you sadie, you are some kind of a hero to me! :)

      @ jasontoheal I looked at your blog on Being a Dad, very nice. I like your style a lot. :)

      Thanks both for your comments! :)

    • sadie423 profile image

      sadie423 5 years ago from North Carolina

      You've given some great tips! We have 5 kids, and it can be hard to focus on us at times, but it is something worth spending time on.

    • profile image

      jasontoheal 5 years ago

      Great Hub. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experience. I like to blog about being a Dad and a husband as it helps me get my thoughts together and pushes me when things are tough. It's great to have parents encouraging each other. Thumbs up!