How to support your wife after a miscarriage?
‘How very softly you tiptoed into our world, almost silently, only a moment you stayed. But what an imprint you footsteps have left upon our hearts.'- Dorothy Ferguson
A baby is a cementing power which binds your marriage into a strong relationship. The happiness you feel when your wife conceives is an intense and emotional feeling. But your dreams are shattered when your wife unfortunately has a miscarriage. You too feel the inner pain at the loss of your child, but to your wife it is a devastating destruction of her dreams. A feeling of dazedness overwhelms her as she crumbles inside in anguish and agony.
You recover very fast from the sorrow of losing your baby, but your wife takes a long time to be back to normal. ‘Why has this to happen to me’ she asks herself the question an umpteenth time. If she is a working woman, it is even more nerve wracking as she has to experience work tension when her emotions are still raw.
Give her unconditional support
She needs your unconditional support of love and care at this period of her agony. It is strange that you sympathize with her in the initial stages of the misfortune, but feel she is stretching her misery a little too far as days go by. This cold-hearted attitude of yours can make her feel very unhappy and lost.
She wants to share her lost feeling with you more than with anyone else. You must instantly make her feel that she has your absolute emotional support. You should comfort and coax her back to normalcy. When you are tender and caring, it helps her immensely to recover from her sorrow. You want normal physical proximity with her without knowing that she is not yet prepared for it.
It takes a long time for her to recover
She might be physically active; but her inner mind still struggles with sorrow. She feels guilty that she might have done something wrong to make this happen to her baby. She is also frustrated and disbelieving that the baby on whom she had so much of dreams is no more.
It is very sad if she has miscarriage when she had conceived after many years. Her shattered feelings are so intense that she feels her life has lost everything. She looks yearningly at babies in their mother’s arms and her heart aches that she should be so unlucky not to have such a tiny bundle of delight in her arms.
What should you do to make your wife overcome her sorrow?
You should be her pillar of strength as she needs your spontaneous support. You can gradually bring her out of her deprived feeling by your total love and perfect understanding. You must understand her need for some private moments and let her have it without starting an argument about how she does not care for the family.
You should help her in household chores as her body would be tired and painful. You can also plan a vacation for her so that she gets away from the atmosphere of dejection and sorrow. When you say superficial words of consolation and let her take care of herself, she feels lonely and forlorn.
All she needs from you is your total understanding, total love and total attention. When you make her feel that she means the world to you, she slowly but surely forgets her sorrow and grief.
© 2014 mathira