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How to Talk to a Girl You Barely Know/Never Met on Facebook

Updated on August 20, 2014

Talking to a Girl on FB Doesn't Have to Be Intimidating

You don't have to be the best looking guy, the best athlete, or the best anything to talk to girls, especially online. Girls like to be messaged, most of them like attention, and they definitely like confidence. If you show you know what you're doing, they might take you seriously.

Approaching a girl out of the blue is going to feel random and weird, and at some points you might even want to turn back after going in. These are all normal feelings as girls can make the unconfident male species quiver.

  • One of the most important things is perspective

Yes! Perspective!

Put yourself into her shoes. Don't you think she would like to be talked to and complimented, especially when the person on the other end (you) is being nice?

  • Women are not goddesses from Mount Olympus nor angels from the heavens

They are just humans. They feel and think similarly to males.

Know the limitations of Facebook. It is just an online conversation, nothing more. The best things come in person, not over Facebook! Chat should be used to ask the girl out; it isn't going to get you much farther than that.

Facebook Chat is taken very seriously by many young women, so watch what you say. If you're going to try to make a joke, make sure it is understandable to her as the written word is stripped of the body language, expressions, and tone that often help convey meaning. For these reasons, sarcasm doesn't fly so well either.

One of the main problems men run into while talking over Facebook is they take many chat messages too seriously, overthinking a response that has already been made or thinking a long wait for a reply means something. Don't think about these things and just try and pick up if the girl is interested or not. If she isn't, so be it. You can't have everyone you want, and hell, there are billions of girls out there.


Just follow these simple guidelines and you might be doing a little better than you are now.

1: How to Start the Conversation on Facebook Chat

Easy and simple:

"Hello"

"Hey!"

"What's up?"

If she is someone you don't know on Facebook, but have come across through a mutual friend, first send a friend request. Don't take it personally if she does not accept. There are myriad reasons that she may not have done so: she may not be a very active Facebook user, she may already feel she has too many friends, or she may be acting cautiously because she's not sure how she knows you. If accepts your friend request, she may ask how she knows you. In this case, be honest and casual. Mention that you saw her in a picture with a mutual friend or saw that you had mutual interests:

"I saw that we're both friends with Jenna, so I figure we'd be bound to bump into each other eventually."

"I saw that you know Nick through swimming, and I'm also a lifeguard at North Crossing, so I figured I'd say hi!"

Send a simple greeting on Facebook Chat.
Send a simple greeting on Facebook Chat.

2: Keep the Conversation Flowing

Don't bombard her with words. Let the conversation flow: be yourself.

Be interested in her, and steer the conversation toward what you have in common. If you are in the same class or activity, there's one thing that you share already. If you are looking for other common grounds, you can look at her Facebook profile for things she likes that you are also interested in. Start there, and use that as grounds to get to know her better.

Simply reply and answer, don't overthink things, and remember to put yourself in her shoes. How do you think she would feel about what you are saying? Always maintain high self esteem; this will help you a lot.

Ways to start the conversation:

"How's it going?"

"It's been forever, what have you been up to?"

"What are you doing up so late?"

Follow the conversation where it leads. However, if it needs a direction, steer toward common ground:

"How's class? I hate it whenever we're assigned lab partners."

"Did you watch tonight's episode of Breaking Bad?"

Also, try getting a phone number. A good way to do this is:

"Hey, I've gotta go but I'd love to keep talking. Can I have your number? Here's mine: (xxx) xxx-xxx."

Keep the conversation simple and be yourself. Try to get a phone number.
Keep the conversation simple and be yourself. Try to get a phone number.

3: How to Ask Her Out Via Message

Seriously, why are you wasting your time in front of a screen when you can be talking in real life? Even phone calls work well; try your best to see her.

Ask her to do something you know you both have a genuine interest in. Is there a show you've both been talking about? A food that you've both been meaning to try? A game or performance a mutual friend will be in? Find an excuse to hang out in person. Just remember to keep things in perspective and to be yourself. Spending time together will let you really get to know her.

Ask her out:

"Spinnerty is playing at the Masquerade on Thursday, want to go?"

"Are you going to the food truck festival? We should meet up!"

"Angela's a cappella group is performing on Friday, we should go!"

Whatever happens, happens for a reason. Remember that, and good luck.

Ask her out.
Ask her out.

The Dos and Don'ts of Messaging a Girl You Barely Know or Have Never Met

Here's a quick checklist of what you should and should not do when talking to a girl on Facebook using the steps above.

Dos

  • Show enthusiasm. The girl that you are talking to is just like you. She may be unsure if you’re interested or not. Show her that you are with an exclamation point here and there, or by letting her know that you think what she just said was cool.
  • Have a profile picture with your face. A picture of your favorite athlete or the back of your head may seem cool or artistic, but if she doesn’t know you that well it will be frustrating. The same goes for baby pictures—it can be in your profile picture album, but make your current profile picture one of you now.
  • Do your homework. Don’t overthink the conversation, but have three or four potential topics that you have in common in the back of your mind before sending that first chat. That way the conversation will never lull, and you can show off your sparkling personality.
  • Maintain perspective. Again, she’s not a goddess, she’s a person. The way she thinks is not more foreign than the way anyone else you know thinks. You may or may not hit it off; tell yourself that it’s worth a shot and keep the stakes low.
  • Be friendly. Set an open and honest tone. Don’t be a nuisance; give her time between conversations and respect her space.
  • Go for it!

Don’ts

  • Use profanity. Even if it’s okay with your friends, you don’t know her that well, and she may not find it attractive.
  • Say anything potentially offensive. Dead baby joke? Now’s not the time. Politics and religion, while they make for interesting conversation, are best left until you know more about her views. Don’t say that anything she thinks or says is lame.
  • Show off. Most people don’t intend to show off, but do so in the presence of nerves and the absence of body language over Facebook chat. Consider how you would sound if someone was messaging you. If you start bragging about yourself, far from finding it interesting, she may be turned off.
  • Be too flirty. She hardly knows you, and may feel that coming on too hard is aggressive. Instead, keep it friendly. If you do flirt, tone it down to the level of teasing flirtation a friend might use.
  • Overthink things. You are your own worst critic, so analyzing every word that you say will be counterproductive. Instead, keep things simple and reply and respond to what she says.

Comments

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    • profile image

      ff 11 months ago

      nigg

    • profile image

      JohnCena 12 months ago

      This just worked for me rn

    • profile image

      Thisdudeishere 15 months ago

      Well this would probably only work if you have actually met and talked to them IRL first otherwise they probably wont add you. Im going to try this out, its literally just telling you to talk to them and not act like a different person. My advice is to actually try to go out and meet people otherwise you will have trouble.

    • profile image

      jackson 20 months ago

      Hey are You there i need your help!..?

    • profile image

      akjls;d 21 months ago

      80 percent of this page is full of 14-year old thirsty idiotic knuckleheads.

    • profile image

      tahir noor 22 months ago

      a girl who hate me how to reshape my image and make her a girlfriend???

    • profile image

      milo 2 years ago

      How do I pull a girl?

    • profile image

      Jayce 2 years ago

      There's this girl I saw on coworker's Facebook photos, who looks very pretty, but I would like to get to know her. Do I just message her? Talk to my coworker about this? What's the best approach to this?

    • profile image

      Markies 2 years ago

      What's up

      Wyd

    • profile image

      Vince Slater 2 years ago

      I'm Vince Slater, and years ago I was exactly like most of you, struggling with girls. It took me years of work and tonnes of money, but now I'm finally a master. I've written a complete guide about how to get girls in pretty much every situation you can think of, whether it's on the street, at a bar or club, at the gym, on Facebook, everywhere! Check it out on Amazon here:

      http://goo.gl/AuIhab

      It's only 9,99$, and you can even read the introduction for free, in which I list everything you'll learn in my book. Give it a read, and decide whether it's worth the price of three beers to you.

    • profile image

      demola 2 years ago

      Pls my junior brother that stay in d united state want to introduce a lady to me . Would you pls help me out in how to start the phone conversation and win her heart permanently

    • profile image

      zain 2 years ago

      i'd what to do but i'll try wiz dis conversation

    • profile image

      J!!! 2 years ago

      The main thing is to reply to what she says. it shows you are listening. like if she says hey ? then simply say hey how was your day? what's with the question mark? lol if she says well i don't know you, then just say well we see each other every now and then mutual friends ect. but i had not had an opportunity to talk to you and i would like to. conversation wise if she is like in school ask about it if she says man i hate this or like this, ask why do you? then so on and so on she will do most the talking and know your interested by you aking about the subjects she is interested in and she has been talking about it this whole time... needless to say she lets you know a lot about her and knows nothing of you and will seek to know more of you. hope this helps. i am in the same situation i talked to the person i liked and we exchanged a few words but am scared to lose her next semester... i see her on facebook but i guess i should continue talking to her through facebook? i have only had real small talk. its hard to talk in class and we are both serious of our school but i.. i just cant keep wondering about letting everything go you know

    • profile image

      Mayuresh 3 years ago

      Thnku guyz for getting me a great teaps

    • profile image

      ben 3 years ago

      this doesn't help

    • profile image

      Ted Lambros 3 years ago

      Its really important to keep the girl(s) interested in you as your chat progresses..

      Check out my funny story : https://myfundays.wordpress.com

      Here are some tips that really worked out for me... : https://myfundays.wordpress.com/2013/11/09/brians-...

    • profile image

      sagarElf 3 years ago

      I like a girl... she is so pretty... but she doesn't know me ....and sent friend request but no response... i sent hi ....she see it but nothing then few month leter i message her my feelings... that i like her ...when i first saw her ...but still no response i don't know now what to do what to send ...nothing remain on my mind ...now its blank ... somtime i think to just move on but ..i cant ...help please... :(

    • profile image

      ashik chaudhary 3 years ago

      ''friendship 9568791626

    • profile image

      prem 3 years ago

      please ''friend ship me

    • profile image

      yee 3 years ago

      I need a gf

    • profile image

      bpssheoran 3 years ago

      I don't no about chat wat I can do friendsip with &*****

    • profile image

      praven 3 years ago

      what is you are name

    • profile image

      maruti 3 years ago

      rgoodgirlwifewanted.

    • profile image

      Surya 3 years ago

      What if they just reply back with a

      "Hey"

      ?

    • profile image

      mayank 3 years ago

      How to ask her for photo

    • profile image

      sahil 3 years ago

      Hey, I've gotta go but I'd love to keep talking. Can I have your number/here's mine"this is a way to converse.. Above all is bull shit

    • profile image

      jaccky 3 years ago

      I like the line "wrwomens r not goddess from mount olympus or an angel from heaven. ......"

    • profile image

      anis 3 years ago

      Bhiwandi

    • profile image

      Chowda 3 years ago

      Saw this girl in school few years ago nd never talked but definitely saw each other before. I messaged her jus sayin i don't think we've ever talked before but you seem pretty chill and it kinda worked she jus agreed nd said she doesn't think we have either . I said another thing jus sayin where i might've seen her around nd she agreed again . I feel like asking her a question but idk wat to ask bout. Askin bout school or work might be weird cuz who wants to be tht real nd talk so serious esp when i barely know her.. Any suggestions ? Shits whack

    • profile image

      harshadjadav14@yahoo.com 3 years ago

      hi my deyr

    • profile image

      awet 3 years ago

      My facebook girle friend told me as she love me more but I donot know her what is her behavior so what shall i do please give me advice

    • profile image

      bob 4 years ago

      hay ho here she goes got no self estee

    • profile image

      Can't Say 4 years ago

      So i took the advice was myself, kept it light and interesting and all I get is my message was read. NEVER get a response at the rate I went I had to close out my facebook because no one responded. All I say is simply "hey what's up?" they read it I wait an hr then ask if their busy they read it and I wait day or to and Never get a response but they read it... I know I ant a bad looking guy I don't have a bad online reputation but NO ONE will talk to me...this fails. It blows to many guys online make women need to have a standard just to even talk anymore. Women expect men now to be a freaking one man Circus act. Nothing works with a women anymore it's either your good looking enough to talk to or you're not period. women value men so little these days it's not even funny.

    • profile image

      Esottannown 4 years ago

      My spouse and i accustomed to get at the top of existence yet as of late We have accumulated a new amount of resistance.

    • profile image

      omk 4 years ago

      @bigdickchanie77 it so funny calling people pussy how did you find this website your one to its just getting help, what are you doing here on this website you are the same as everybody else here trying to get help.

    • profile image

      nirmal singh 4 years ago

      i wanna friendship

    • profile image

      Man i Give up 4 years ago

      i just liked 2 of her pics i want to say hi but what if she 'who r u' what do i say

    • profile image

      damian auksorius 4 years ago

      hi my names damian auksorius ,ive tried this on facebook with a girl i really like and it does work ,not that i was trying to be someone im not ,but girls like to be the centre of attention.

    • profile image

      Blue 4 years ago

      yawl sound like strate bitches... how you suppose to know if da bitch like you if you never talk to her? ohnestly... just talk to her and if she don't like you then talk to another girl... its more then one pretty girl in the world... and if you need practicee talk to ugly/fat girls... lol #FAtBITCHEsNEEdLOVeTOoCRAIg!#

    • profile image

      Pakzh 5 years ago

      Yeah..like it..

      tnx man..:)

    • profile image

      Darkshadow 5 years ago

      Just said hey to some girl that starree at me a lot scared AF!

    • profile image

      cahlilb101 5 years ago

      Thxx u said like a good friend r u a girl

    • profile image

      daniel 5 years ago

      thnkz dudu

    • profile image

      For fucks sake 5 years ago

      Why the hell are all guys (i assume) so shy just talk to any girl start it with hey its not that hard she will probably try to keep the convo going if interested just say hey!

    • profile image

      luke 5 years ago

      i need a girlfriend

    • profile image

      Isaac 5 years ago

      I need a girlfriend. This is my mail, ikescamoh53@yahoo.com i will be waiting .

    • profile image

      kefe 5 years ago

      i love ur advise, i promise i wil practice them.

    • profile image

      vector 5 years ago

      lame

    • profile image

      gabrael 5 years ago

      the wat i want

    • profile image

      Ifeanyi Wayne Ndukuba (lord yung weezy) 5 years ago

      thanks. Its a nice comment

    • profile image

      nek 5 years ago

      heyy

    • profile image

      fordsrevive 5 years ago

      best part of this page were the comments,im cracking the f%#k up! haha

    • profile image

      girl of my dreams 5 years ago

      Damn .. I am 17+ year old and I am madly addicted to this intelligent girl who is the same age as I am. I knew her since i was 15 and there isn't a day gone by where I've never thought about her. She barely knows me ... just my face and my name. We have never spoken to each other except this one time when she wished me happy birthday via facebook. She is very focused on her academic performance and she has never dated anyone.. pretty sure about that. How do I approach her??? I'm so nervous I will screw things up and everything will be over. Soon we will part ways going overseas so I WILL need to make a move within these 2 years.

    • profile image

      Champ 5 years ago

      This is a guide line on how to spark up the conversation on Facebook.

      He can't tell you everything to say, you just have to trust yourself. Be CREATIVE and follow the guidelines.

      ALWAYS make sure you agree with them, if you get past the approach just remember to tell her what she wants to hear.

      And try your best not to talk about yourself to much.

    • profile image

      chilengwe Musonda 5 years ago

      This is cul...it jst worked. Hav managed 2 meet someone lol

    • profile image

      Cmpondeck 5 years ago

      Lol 4 weeks til today i get a reply lmfao don't know wtf to say

    • profile image

      irobot 5 years ago

      some girls arent even responding.........any iddeas?

    • profile image

      Joshua zyangale. 5 years ago

      I have a girl who is a naibour and i some kind of know her i like this girl and i want her to be girl friend what would i tel her 4 her to be my girl friend priz help.

    • profile image

      kanyama Gux 5 years ago

      nice nd thanx.

    • profile image

      TQK 5 years ago

      @Rfderuhv, dude you are preaching to the choir ... word for word sigh. Conversing ain't a problem ... escalating is.

    • profile image

      kjg 5 years ago

      yolo

    • profile image

      ians94 5 years ago

      if they ask if they know you, just say something like "thought you looked cute, so I added you. hope you don't mind. How're you". just say what you would like to in real life and don't hesitate about saying what you want. Don't think too much about it, act stupid but confident and itl work :D

    • profile image

      gaaerhahar 5 years ago

      safr

    • profile image

      wa 5 years ago

      What if they just reply back with a

      "Hey"

      ?

    • profile image

      baha 5 years ago

      IT doesn't help trust me////

    • profile image

      vish 5 years ago

      fuckkk... its nt wrking. post smthng cool

    • profile image

      Rin Kagamine 5 years ago

      Step one complete god I'm nervousfor her reply seen her in school but never talked I'll probably be rejected but I hope we get along

    • profile image

      M Mohsin Moni 5 years ago

      I canot send any msg any body help me on this numbr plz

      03018919403

    • profile image

      Random Teen 5 years ago

      i should give it a go

    • profile image

      love 5 years ago

      Well some people don't??????? :)

    • profile image

      asdflkjasdf 5 years ago

      Its called walking up to the person and talking to them. Social skills, people are supposed to have them.

    • profile image

      Cmpondeck 5 years ago

      This is not working she never replied

    • profile image

      Icytemy 5 years ago

      I have tried but it ain't working

    • profile image

      Cmpondeck 5 years ago

      I sent her a message naw i scared AF

    • profile image

      Rfderuhv 5 years ago

      This really did not helP because the only response to wuu2 is not much and it ends there and it makes it harder me being shy anD I talk to no girls cus I don't no what to say and it's really pissing me off not having a gf for 3 years and if I did get close to any girls which I can't see myself doing anytime soon then it would be the same convos over and over again then I would stop talking cus I wouldn't no what to talk about again and I would no how to ask her out Arrr fuck sake I piss my self off so much why can't I just grow some balls not literally

    • profile image

      max 5 years ago

      tanks it works

    • profile image

      Parv 5 years ago

      I am free any one girl join me

    • profile image

      fuuuuuuuuuuw 5 years ago

      i have a gf now LOL thanks who post this

    • profile image

      fiveletters 5 years ago

      IT WORKS THANKS

    • profile image

      DVB 5 years ago

      just KISS: Keep It Short and Simple

    • profile image

      horace 5 years ago

      just work for me thanx

    • profile image

      hahadavc= 5 years ago

      its a good way to start then all u have to do is handle things yourself just by urself

    • profile image

      daboss 5 years ago

      thank you master

    • profile image

      sonic 5 years ago

      well i have a guy i bearly meet but don't knoe what to say or talk about

      help! ASAP

    • profile image

      deerzer 5 years ago

      ello peeps!!

    • profile image

      Angryman... 5 years ago

      she doesn't answer, or give me a response,, LOL

    • profile image

      Brünö Märö XǷįį 5 years ago

      lol da gurlz who talkin' to meh first x'DD!!!!

      i dnt need to just say hii xP

    • profile image

      ida 5 years ago

      Hiiii

    • profile image

      Just Some Brit 5 years ago

      I just said hi to a girl and she sent me ".l." now what??

    • profile image

      The one and only 5 years ago

      The explanation was gd, it could have been better if he explained more. Are you guys sure u did every step correctly?

    • profile image

      Kramenz 5 years ago

      Imma go and try lol ~ and im only 14

    • profile image

      tommy 5 years ago

      no Fu*k that noise haha i get girls all the time the est thing to tell a girl you have never meet efor or talk to on faceook just say " HOLY SH*T!!!! your fu*king ugly" i et 100000000$ they wil respond haha

    • profile image

      Hw 5 years ago

      Tks you really just helped me

    • profile image

      max 5 years ago

      hi my name is max

    • profile image

      jack 5 years ago

      hey what are y doing

    • profile image

      Peter 5 years ago

      She sent me a request and i added her she kinda show some interest in me, but all we realy do is xchange greetings, comment and other stuff but i don't know where to go from there. She is from states while am from nigeria i don't know how to cope with such distance.

    • profile image

      in search for poon 5 years ago

      haha

      Get in there SBG!

    • profile image

      super beast guy! 5 years ago

      around a year back i added this chick coz i posted on a like page ”add me for pokewars, only first person”

      So we had pokewars for a bit...

      Then i stopped facebook for about a month and i forgot about her

      Then a few weeks ago i saw a really funny status of hers and commented

      Ever since we have been chatting whenever possible

      But the sad thing is, she lives in the states and i live in australia

      She said she is devo into me but coz we havnt met and doesn't personaly know me she doesn't know if we should have a relationship

      She makes me soo happy and she is very pretty

      What should i do?

      She is 17 and im 15

    • profile image

      tm 5 years ago

      "epic cookie"

    • profile image

      Steve 5 years ago

      Can I just chat you up?!