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How to Talk to a Girl You Barely Know/Never Met on Facebook
Talking to a Girl on FB Doesn't Have to Be Intimidating
You don't have to be the best looking guy, the best athlete, or the best anything to talk to girls, especially online. Girls like to be messaged, most of them like attention, and they definitely like confidence. If you show you know what you're doing, they might take you seriously.
Approaching a girl out of the blue is going to feel random and weird, and at some points you might even want to turn back after going in. These are all normal feelings as girls can make the unconfident male species quiver.
- One of the most important things is perspective
Put yourself into her shoes. Don't you think she would like to be talked to and complimented, especially when the person on the other end (you) is being nice?
- Women are not goddesses from Mount Olympus nor angels from the heavens
They are just humans. They feel and think similarly to males.
Know the limitations of Facebook. It is just an online conversation, nothing more. The best things come in person, not over Facebook! Chat should be used to ask the girl out; it isn't going to get you much farther than that.
Facebook Chat is taken very seriously by many young women, so watch what you say. If you're going to try to make a joke, make sure it is understandable to her as the written word is stripped of the body language, expressions, and tone that often help convey meaning. For these reasons, sarcasm doesn't fly so well either.
One of the main problems men run into while talking over Facebook is they take many chat messages too seriously, overthinking a response that has already been made or thinking a long wait for a reply means something. Don't think about these things and just try and pick up if the girl is interested or not. If she isn't, so be it. You can't have everyone you want, and hell, there are billions of girls out there.
Just follow these simple guidelines and you might be doing a little better than you are now.
1: How to Start the Conversation on Facebook Chat
Easy and simple:
If she is someone you don't know on Facebook, but have come across through a mutual friend, first send a friend request. Don't take it personally if she does not accept. There are myriad reasons that she may not have done so: she may not be a very active Facebook user, she may already feel she has too many friends, or she may be acting cautiously because she's not sure how she knows you. If accepts your friend request, she may ask how she knows you. In this case, be honest and casual. Mention that you saw her in a picture with a mutual friend or saw that you had mutual interests:
"I saw that we're both friends with Jenna, so I figure we'd be bound to bump into each other eventually."
"I saw that you know Nick through swimming, and I'm also a lifeguard at North Crossing, so I figured I'd say hi!"
2: Keep the Conversation Flowing
Don't bombard her with words. Let the conversation flow: be yourself.
Be interested in her, and steer the conversation toward what you have in common. If you are in the same class or activity, there's one thing that you share already. If you are looking for other common grounds, you can look at her Facebook profile for things she likes that you are also interested in. Start there, and use that as grounds to get to know her better.
Simply reply and answer, don't overthink things, and remember to put yourself in her shoes. How do you think she would feel about what you are saying? Always maintain high self esteem; this will help you a lot.
Ways to start the conversation:
"How's it going?"
"It's been forever, what have you been up to?"
"What are you doing up so late?"
Follow the conversation where it leads. However, if it needs a direction, steer toward common ground:
"How's class? I hate it whenever we're assigned lab partners."
"Did you watch tonight's episode of Breaking Bad?"
Also, try getting a phone number. A good way to do this is:
"Hey, I've gotta go but I'd love to keep talking. Can I have your number? Here's mine: (xxx) xxx-xxx."
3: How to Ask Her Out Via Message
Seriously, why are you wasting your time in front of a screen when you can be talking in real life? Even phone calls work well; try your best to see her.
Ask her to do something you know you both have a genuine interest in. Is there a show you've both been talking about? A food that you've both been meaning to try? A game or performance a mutual friend will be in? Find an excuse to hang out in person. Just remember to keep things in perspective and to be yourself. Spending time together will let you really get to know her.
Ask her out:
"Spinnerty is playing at the Masquerade on Thursday, want to go?"
"Are you going to the food truck festival? We should meet up!"
"Angela's a cappella group is performing on Friday, we should go!"
Whatever happens, happens for a reason. Remember that, and good luck.
The Dos and Don'ts of Messaging a Girl You Barely Know or Have Never Met
Here's a quick checklist of what you should and should not do when talking to a girl on Facebook using the steps above.
- Show enthusiasm. The girl that you are talking to is just like you. She may be unsure if you’re interested or not. Show her that you are with an exclamation point here and there, or by letting her know that you think what she just said was cool.
- Have a profile picture with your face. A picture of your favorite athlete or the back of your head may seem cool or artistic, but if she doesn’t know you that well it will be frustrating. The same goes for baby pictures—it can be in your profile picture album, but make your current profile picture one of you now.
- Do your homework. Don’t overthink the conversation, but have three or four potential topics that you have in common in the back of your mind before sending that first chat. That way the conversation will never lull, and you can show off your sparkling personality.
- Maintain perspective. Again, she’s not a goddess, she’s a person. The way she thinks is not more foreign than the way anyone else you know thinks. You may or may not hit it off; tell yourself that it’s worth a shot and keep the stakes low.
- Be friendly. Set an open and honest tone. Don’t be a nuisance; give her time between conversations and respect her space.
- Go for it!
- Use profanity. Even if it’s okay with your friends, you don’t know her that well, and she may not find it attractive.
- Say anything potentially offensive. Dead baby joke? Now’s not the time. Politics and religion, while they make for interesting conversation, are best left until you know more about her views. Don’t say that anything she thinks or says is lame.
- Show off. Most people don’t intend to show off, but do so in the presence of nerves and the absence of body language over Facebook chat. Consider how you would sound if someone was messaging you. If you start bragging about yourself, far from finding it interesting, she may be turned off.
- Be too flirty. She hardly knows you, and may feel that coming on too hard is aggressive. Instead, keep it friendly. If you do flirt, tone it down to the level of teasing flirtation a friend might use.
- Overthink things. You are your own worst critic, so analyzing every word that you say will be counterproductive. Instead, keep things simple and reply and respond to what she says.