ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Gender and Relationships»
  • Relationship Problems & Advice

How to trust your partner? Tips to build trust in relationship for boyfriends, girlfriend, husbands and wives

Updated on June 19, 2013
Building trust is a long and treacherous road to walk on. But once you do, life will seem more beautiful than ever. All you need to do right now is weather the storm till you see the silver lining.
Building trust is a long and treacherous road to walk on. But once you do, life will seem more beautiful than ever. All you need to do right now is weather the storm till you see the silver lining. | Source

How can I trust my boyfriend? I can't trust my girlfriend again. Is there a way out? I trust my husband but not the motives of his ex. What do I do? These questions are commonplace in a relationship where there is lack of trust.


Rebuilding trust in a relationship is a difficult journey that is much more than following a few steps. This post covers practical tips on how to trust your partner. You can use them to build a strong foundation of trust for your relationship to bloom upon.


1) Talk to your partner about trust issues

Assuming your partner has not cheated on you, one of the first things you can do to build trust in your relationship is have an open discussion with your partner. Talk your girlfriend or boyfriend about the things that are bothering you. Ask your partner to tell you his/her views on the matter.


Don't rush into this conversation. Take it up when both of you are free from studies, work or any other commitments. Grab a hot cappuccino, relax on the couch and talk your mind out to your partner and ask him or her to do the same.


The foundation of any relationship is trust and one of the pillars of trust is open lines of communication. This heart to heart chat will be the basis of your attempt to bring back the trust levels between the two of you.


Ask your partner to recognize and acknowledge the lack of trust in your relationship. Your partner should be willing to put up with telling you minute details of his/her daily routine till the day your trust levels are back to normal.
Ask your partner to recognize and acknowledge the lack of trust in your relationship. Your partner should be willing to put up with telling you minute details of his/her daily routine till the day your trust levels are back to normal. | Source

2) Ask your partner to tell you everything in detail

When there are trust issues, even the smallest of things can give rise to suspicion and doubt. For example, the fact that your partner merely forgot to tell you about his phone call to a good looking colleague at work may irk you off. While this may send off alarms in your head, your partner may have genuinely forgotten to tell you.


The smallest of things can irk a distrusting partner and cause relationships to fall apart. Let's look at some classic examples. While these could very well be cases of genuine forgetfulness, but for the distrusting partner, they can be a dagger to the heart.

Girlfriend to boyfriend: How could you have not told me that Susan called you at half past 10 last night?

Girlfriend to boyfriend: You met Sarah at the pub on Monday and you are telling me today? How convenient.

Boyfriend to girlfriend: Your ex messaged you on Facebook and you forgot to tell me?

Boyfriend to girlfriend: So you were out with Nick yesterday. Your phone was switched off until past midnight. What were you up to?

Husband to wife: You went out for coffee with your boss. How come I did not know about it?

Husband to wife: Your ex husband added you on Facebook and I have to depend on Facebook alerts to tell me that. How come you didn't tell me?

Wife to husband: Your ex wife emailed you. Don't you think you should have told me the very minute you read that email?

Wife to husband: Why didn't you tell me you went out with your secretary for drinks after work on Friday?


Make sure that you and your partner maintain continuous and consistent lines of communication. Tell each other everything to avoid misunderstandings later on.
Make sure that you and your partner maintain continuous and consistent lines of communication. Tell each other everything to avoid misunderstandings later on.

To put all the arguments and fights to rest, request your partner to tell you everything he or she does and everyone he or she talks to. Remind your partner that your attempts to rebuild trust in your relationship are incomplete without his/her cooperation. Below are some of the basic and very practical things that you and your partner can start doing


  • Tell each other about all your phone calls


  • Speak to each other about your daily routines: The things you did, people you met, the places you went, etc


  • Interactions with the opposite sex should be communicated without ambiguity


  • Anything and everything about interaction with ex's should be communicated to each other immediately


  • Inform each other about your whereabouts if you are going to be on a night out, at a party, on a coffee date with a colleague, etc


Are your partner's conversation with a certain someone bothering you? If yes, then tell him/her. Unless your partner is a psychic, he/she will not know it unless you spell it out.
Are your partner's conversation with a certain someone bothering you? If yes, then tell him/her. Unless your partner is a psychic, he/she will not know it unless you spell it out. | Source
Are you feeling insecure just because your partner stares at people of the opposite sex too much? Tell him exactly that because unless he/she knows, how is it going to stop?
Are you feeling insecure just because your partner stares at people of the opposite sex too much? Tell him exactly that because unless he/she knows, how is it going to stop?
Get a grip over your own thoughts before you point a finger at your partner.
Get a grip over your own thoughts before you point a finger at your partner.

3) Identify issues or people that are causing distrust

Is your girlfriend's interaction with her ex causing worry for you? Are your husband's coffee dates with his secretary giving rise to suspicion? Are your boyfriend's flirting habits annoying you? Is your wife's overtly friendliness with a particular guy becoming bothersome?


Ask yourself questions like these and identify the exact cause of distrust. The cause can be your partner's behaviour, his/her interaction with another person and other similar issues. Once you have identified the reason for distrust, tell your partner exactly what you need him/her to do.


The key is to answer the question "Why don't you trust him/her?" It could be something as simple as tweaking a behavioural aspect or something as complicated as refraining from overtly interacting with a particular person. The idea is to give your partner a strong indication of a specific thing or person, causing lack of trust in your relationship.


4) Confront your own emotions

Distrust in a partner can sometimes spiral out of control because a relationship without trust can amplify the feelings of jealousy and possessiveness. Lack of trust, jealousy and possessiveness can be a lethal cocktail which can possibly lead to a breakup.


Every time that you think that your girlfriend, boyfriend, husband or wife is lying to you, close your eyes and take a deep breath. Ask yourself "Do I have valid reasons to doubt that my partner is cheating on me?" If the answer is yes, by all means, speak to your partner about it. But if the answer is no, hold yourself back to avoid an unnecessary conflict.


5) Remember that rebuilding trust in a relationship takes time

When you actively start to look for ways to rebuild trust in your relationship, it is most likely that you will not see any overnight changes. Trust is not an object that you can buy or build. From the perspective of a relationship, it is a feeling and emotion that is cultivated over time.


Don't expect yourself to suddenly start trusting your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife. Building trust takes days, weeks and maybe even months. If you really think that your relationship is worth saving, wait it out and allow trust levels to build up gradually. Like everything else in life, there are no shortcuts here.


Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • profile image

      pretty gurl 4 months ago

      It's easy for boys to ignore the bad thing's that they have done but, they don't know the feelings that a girl felt because of what they're doing. however boys should know that girls are more interesting then them. Other than that girls are not to be your slaves, it's for what the parent's gave you to protect and keep it as your own property. And so forth girls should also think of it righty because that's why boys get this feeling of not the girlfriend or wife but a house maid or slavery.

    • matthewjoe1 profile image

      Matthew Joseph 8 months ago from Nigeria

      It's easy for jealousy to flare when you're in a relatinship. And it causes suspective thoughts that are usually unreal or unreasonable. However, discussing everything unclutters the mind of all doubts and fears. This is a good post. Thanks for sharing

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: "https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr"

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)