How to use communication to make a marriage work better
Communication is a must
Communication is one of the principles we need to employed in the process of making a marriage work. The most basic principle is that it is impossible not to communicate, just as it is impossible not to eat. Life is all about relationships and every relationship is built by communication. The moment you stop communicating; a gap has been created, and this gap might soon becomes a gulf if it is not bridge immediately. communication cement and glues the couples together. But despite the ability to communicate with each other, misunderstanding often arises in relationships that are close and caring especially marriages.
Approach in communication
Approach in communication is very important and an effective way to a successful marriage. Communication matters but manner of approach in communication matters most.What we have to say is very important but how we say it is much more important. One may have the right answer to a question or solution to a problem but if the manner of presentation or expression is not carefully selected, it may be turned down by your spouse and the objective for communicating will be defeated.
One of the greatest tool for disseminating information is spoken word. An African proverb says "It is words that bring out kolanut from the pocket and it is also words that bring out a sword from the sheath". In traditional African society, kolanut is used in welcoming a visitor while sword as we all know is a weapon used in the art of warfare. The way a visitor framed and present his his words will determine whether the hearer will welcome him with kolanut or bring out a sword in readiness for war. There are soft words and there are harsh words. Harsh and inciting words can cause the hearer to draw a sword while soft and soothing words can bring out a kolanut.
In marriages if a spouse comes up with a great idea to positively affect the relationship, poor approach has largely been responsible for rejection. If you make your spouse feel inferior and that only you have the prerogative of wisdom, your advice or opinion may be rebuffed and rejected. This can caused a strain in the relationship especially when there is a tendency to always impose one opinion on the other party. A situation like this always constitute a clog in the wheel of a successful marriage.
Feeling must be expressed
One of the secret to a happy married life is expressing your feelings whatever they may be, whether it is anger, fear, worry, or ecstacy they need an outlet. When emotions or feelings are repressed, they have a way of setting up tension in the subconscious mind and making their presence felt in the body. Spouse should discuss their problems or experiences with each other and not close door to open communication. It is commonly said that problem shared is problem solved. Couple should therefore listen carefully not just to the word being expressed but also to the feelings behind the the words. And there should be expectation that those feelings will be adequately addressed and not be ridiculed.
After acknowledging the emotions or feelings couple should be willing to state how they feel but the expression of those feelings should be non blaming or judgmental in nature. People are always receptive to clear statement of feeling and concern that are non blaming, non accusing or ridiculing the other person. This will enable the hearer listen without having to put on a defensive guard.
Finally couples expression of feelings must be governed by the principle of love for each other and putting of others interest before their own. when this principle is strictly adhere to by both spouse the marriage is on the road to a lasting and successful marriage.