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How Would You Know If Your Partner Is Having an Affair

Updated on December 6, 2018
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Devika enjoys sharing her work with a friendly community. Writing is a big part of her life. Online work has improved her lifestyle.

An affair ruins any marriage or relationship

An affair ruins any committed relationship!

How would you know if your partner is cheating on you?

There are the doubts and misinterpreted signs, or behaviors about your partner. These signs can lead to your suspicions of them having an affair.

The constant paranoid thoughts, and accusations make you want to sneak up at your partner's workplace or investigate why the sudden change of behavior.

Although you think it is happening or not sure how to catch your partner in the act something makes feel insecure.

Are you able to recognize the signs of your partner having an affair?

In a good or bad marriage, affairs surprise you and do happen.

In some marriages, the signs are there of an affair but there is no affair.

How tricky is that, or could it just be complicated or missed signal?

It may sound or look like your partner is sneaking around and showing different behaviors to what you normally see. However, an affair is not always seen from day one.

It is time to pay attention to your partner!

Your partner need not show you the signs and could be having that affair. Most affairs are never detected. Partners don't often see how manipulative their other significant other can be toward them.

It is not expected from your partner to go astray, and that you finding out about the affair.

An Example:

Jenny had no idea her husband was having an affair.

Their intimate life was normal and intriguing. Their frequent moments together led Jenny to believe everything is perfect in their marriage.

The couple enjoyed the company of each other, were soul-mates, best friends, and she knew nothing of an affair and saw nothing out of the ordinary in each other. A cheating partner doesn't always show signs of cheating.

So, how did Jenny find out her husband was having an affair?

Jenny had realized her husband's emotional distance and being withdrawn from her. He became depressed too, and self-absorbed. Each day lived as a single person and with his agenda.

Basically, he left Jenny out of his plans. In public places together he didn't show interest in Jenny, the loss of interest in Jenny got further and further away from his mind each day.. Jenny was naive but when she started feeling more alone each day, something had to be done to make her feel at ease in her marriage.

Two wrongs don't make a right!

So, Jenny got talking to a good friend who helped her see the signs she never did of her cheating husband. He became angry over little conversations and would do the name calling at Jenny.

It those signs which never occurred before was finally coming out from the man she loves and respects so dearly. Jenny got tired of her husband constantly putting her down, and of the verbal and emotional abuse, he shows toward her.

The unnecessary fights made Jenny feel negative about her marriage. Certain facts couldn't bring Jenny to believe her husband has changed in that way.

Unhappiness for Jenny started up when she couldn't speak to her husband like she had in the past. Whatever Jenny did for her husband, it didn't make him feel happy. He just grew unhappy and became a difficult person to live with.

The controlling manner of Jenny's husband showed another sign of cheating. He controlled Jenny and that made her feel frustrated. It was his way or no way. The sign of controlling your partner’s life tells you of your partner is having an affair.

Affairs happen often in the workplace. It does not always work, and work at the workplace. You meet different people daily, but somehow the workplace brings many couples together.

It is a problem for partners and for the company as well. Most affairs happen when one partner is ill while the other seeks this opportunity to have the affair. Your partner should be there for you when you need them the most and for other times too.

Your partner changes their behaviors in a week they start to look extra nice in their appearance. It shows the different style of clothing they wear and how they groom themselves in comparison to what they did in the past.

Are you aware of the changes in your partner?

Jenny noticed defensive behaviors in her husband when asked a simple question.

''How was your day with the coworker?''

A simple question that made him feels defensive. He would become protective of his colleague and be defensive when asked a question about the colleague. It showed Jenny her husband is drifting away from her,

''Just working together.'' ''We have a very good working relationship.'' Being private about the use of credit cards and bank statements are more than enough for you to be concerned. Especially if this type of secrecy has never been a problem in the past.

Jenny learned to pay attention to her partner's behavior instead of being focused on his words. The signs are not about your partner having an affair. So, don't be fooled by these signs.

In some cases, it is nothing to be concerned of. Signs of partners who were cheated on and these signs are not the same for all partners. You will discover your partner having an affair on your own the signs are not always necessary to hold against your partner.

The unintentional affair is the affair that happens to the individual who has experienced molestation, physical abuse, a tragic childhood experience, depression, and the one who had suffered neglect from family or a friend.

This is an affair performed through guilt and pain from emotional detachment making one feel alone and as that victim. Some partners have a history of affairs in their past life and bring this to their new marriages.

The one who has been unfaithful is often suspected of the same behavior in new relationships even if it is not happening in the relationship. A shield is created by your cheating partner to keep that distance from you. Lies holds the affair from you and that to me is not called for in any marriage. When two people can't see eye-eye and are in constant fights going for days not speaking to one another, is a huge red flag of a marriage going downhill.

Do you feel alone and disconnected in your marriage?

Unhappy partners take a different to solve their marriage issues.

Instead of working on the issue they choose to have an affair.

Do you think after an affair you can make your marriage work again?

How would you react to your partner having an affair?

Some couples marry for the wrong reasons. They tend to have a different mindset about marriage. The marriage can an arranged one and gradually be a great one. While other marriages fall apart if the wife hasn't given her husband a son. Culture thoughts and behaviors do have a great influence on marriages.

However, one sees a marriage in a traditional way or the modern way, it shouldn't be taken for granted. A marriage can be worked through if you are still in love with each other. If you are in a loveless marriage it can be difficult to live with each other.

There are no perfect marriages and only what you have to give in your marriage. You can give it all you have or give it nothing.

The choice is yours in your commitment!.

Affairs are not the way to solve marital issues

Affairs are not the way to solve marital issues


Affairs ruins any relationship

How would you react to your partner having an affair?

See results

© 2018 Devika Primić


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    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      11 months ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Thank you Eric Dierker. Certain topics are not always grasped easily.

    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 

      11 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Nice read but just to foreign to me to grasp.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      12 months ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi Dora, thank you kindly for comments. An affair ruins a couples trust and love fades overtime.

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Weithers 

      12 months ago from The Caribbean

      You're right about two wrongs not making a right. If one suspects that the other is cheating, the one should work with the other to fix it, not aggravate it. They only double the hurt.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      12 months ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi Nadine, thank you for comments. I appreciate your feedback. Trust and love are important to hold your relationship together.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      12 months ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi FlourishAnyway thank you for comments. Jenny needs to consider her health tests and to focus on what makes her happy and positive.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      12 months ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Linda thank you for sharing your comment here. An affair hurts and causes distrust in the future relationships.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      12 months ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi Shyron, thank you for commenting here. So agree with you and it is just sad for any two people to be hurt in such ways. I appreciate you stopping by.

    • Nadine May profile image

      Nadine May 

      12 months ago from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa

      When trust between a couple has been broken due to affairs, it's very difficult to heal that within any relationship. From a marriage counselors point of view, couples can heal each other, it just all depends on what the couple's intent is when they come for counseling. What kind of affair it was. A one night stand, an infatuation or a real affair whereby the one partner would like to break away from the marriage in order to remarry.

    • FlourishAnyway profile image


      12 months ago from USA

      Poor Jenny. I believe there are always clues. She needs to go get herself tested for diseases now regardless of what she decides to do with the marriage.

    • AliciaC profile image

      Linda Crampton 

      12 months ago from British Columbia, Canada

      An affair is always a sad situation. It's an unpleasant possibility to think about. Love and trust are important in a relationship. It's a great shame when a problem appears in either of these areas.

    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 

      12 months ago from Texas

      Devika, this is a very interesting hub.

      There are many things that indicate a person is having an affair. There are many reasons a person would have an affair.

      I don't know how I would react to my husband having an affair and there are too many variables, i.e. does he love the other woman or is it sexual?

      It also take two people to have an affair, some people are in love with love and need constant admiration from the opposite sex and if they feel their needs or desires are not met in their marriage they may or may not seek the fulfillment of his desires from another person.

      Blessings my dear friend.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      12 months ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      I agree with you. Thank for comment

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      12 months ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Harish thank you for comment. I do believe mutual love is important.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      12 months ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Thank you will check that link.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      12 months ago from Olympia, WA

      I believe there are always subtle clues that an affair is happening, but if you trust your partner you really aren't looking for those clues and you won't notice them.

    • Harishprasad profile image

      Harish Mamgain 

      12 months ago from New Delhi , India

      Continuity of mutual love and reciprocity is very essential in any relationship. Devika , you've penned a very interesting article.

    • elayne001 profile image


      12 months ago from Rocky Mountains

      Here is how I knew my husband was having an affair:

      Very similar to other affairs - he spent so much time away.


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