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- Separation & Divorce
How children make your marriage work? They act as an anchor!
Children seldom misquote. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said. ~Author Unknown
There are times when you feel that your marriage is not working and you want to end it. It is very astonishing how couples opt for divorce at the bat of an eyelid. Why has the institution of marriage suffered such a setback? It is because you do not have the patience to make your marriage work. It is indeed sad that your marriage which must last till the day you live meets its premature death in a divorce court.
What are the reasons for such a surge in divorce cases?
Can divorce be the answer for all your troubles in marriage?
Will you feel satisfied and relieved when you get out of a bad relationship?
You cannot say yes to these questions with undoubted confidence. You feel certain uneasiness in your mind that you are not doing the right thing. You see the bewildered face of your children and something tugs at your heart. It makes you even more depressed when you realize you and your spouse are the reason for their emotional battering.
‘Why is this happening to me?
Why can’t I live happily as a family?
Where did I go wrong?
The facts are very simple.
When in love, you see only the better side of your spouse, but when you live together there are many aspects in the character of your spouse which you find very exasperating and irritating. Minor drawbacks of your spouse become a gigantic issue and it snowballs to become a huge problem of non compatibility. You want to break free, but you are unable to take a decision as there are your children to think of.
Your children mean the world to you and you live for them and you want to give the best for them. You think of giving them the best education, the best materialistic wealth, but in the process fail to understand that your children need something more.
Are you wondering as to what they want?
- They want good family environment.
- They want emotional security.
- They want their parents to live together.
- They cannot bear the thought of living with a single parent.
Children from a family of good and excellent relationship are more happy and content than children from a broken family. It is your duty to give them the emotional security they need to make them feel loved and cared. You shatter your children by deciding to go for a divorce and you never know the disturbing trauma they are undergoing.
It is very sad to see children from broken homes, shattered and bewildered at the situation of having to live with a single parent. They love you both and feel emotionally depressed when the option of living with a single parent is thrust on them. They think of the happy times they had when you were together and how secured they felt then. But now they are not sure of how their life is going to be and where they are going to live.
In retrospect the fault lies with you and your spouse. You see things from your angle and so fail to see the perspective of your spouse. You clash as if you were enemies and you are embittered that you have chosen a wrong person to marry. Instead of trying to make your marriage work you are in a hurry to bring it to an end. This is the common scenario in modern marriages.
You should make some efforts to make you marriage work for the sake of your children. You should realize that you are destroying their future when you do not make adjustments with your spouse. When you have your children in mind, you will not dream of divorce. They will make your marriage work by their innocent interaction with you and your spouse.
Can you make your marriage work?
If you sincerely want your marriage to work, there is a way. Children can be an anchor in your marriage and you can definitely recapture your lost love if there is true input of love and respect from both of you. You owe this to your children.
Do you want to know how they will act as an anchor?
They will demand for an outing and you will go as a family. Their education and future is your chief concern and you have to discuss with your spouse about what should be done. Gradually you feel your tension and intolerance dissolving as your focus is now on your children. Can you see how your children bridge the gap between you and your spouse?
It is always easy to destroy a relationship, but very difficult to construct it. Once the foundation of your marriage is shaken by your incompatibility it becomes difficult for you to reconstruct it back.
Women have lost the patience of their last generation sisters and because of their financial independence they now argue about being par with men. They do not understand that they are better than men, in patience, adjustability and endurance. The yester -generation woman had fights and arguments with her spouse, but she always made up because of her patience and the love for her children and family.
Even in this modern age you love your children with the same intensity, but sadly you do not have the inclination to make your marriage work. You always seek love and respect, but fail to understand that it is right there before you and you just have to reach out to have it. Even a wild tempered man loves his children and even a most ill tempered woman loves her children.
‘While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about.’- Angela Schwedt
This is the foundation over which you can build a secure home of two people in unselfish love, their thinking and planning revolving around their children which will eventually make them forget their differences and begin a meaningful married life.
© 2013 mathira