- Gender and Relationships
How to Find New Friends, And How to End Bad Friendships
Realize What Being A True Friend Really Means, And Look For Those Qualities When Finding Your New Friends.
O.K., so I have the best friend in the whole wide world. Now that I've got that out of the way, if you are longing for a true, meaningful friendship, please read on.
I will start off with the subject of having "bad" friends. You will know when you have a bad friend when you get that God awful sick feeling in the pit of your stomach every time you know you are going to be around each other. As silly as this sounds, (why WOULD you be friends with someone if they made you feel like this?) but people do it all of the time. Fear of not being liked, or fear of confrontation, many times will hold one back from ending a friendship. Fear for many is absolutely debilitating. When fear strikes, people tend to freeze up, and give in.
When you have someone that is a true true friend, you can't wait to "hang out" with them, and the time you spend with them makes your day all the more worth while. The sad thing is, people do not usually realize that they don't really have the friendship that they might think they do, until they actually find it. Does this make sense?
When you finally find someone that is a true friend, they would give you the last dime in their pocket to help you out in a time of need. They will be the first one at your door when a problem arises, with NO hesitation. They go out of their way to make your birthday special. They will stand up for you, no matter whether you were wrong or right. Not to say that they wouldn't correct you to your face if they felt you were in the wrong, but they would do so in a kind way. They wouldn't let anyone else "talk crap" about you behind your back. They cry when you cry, they laugh when you laugh. They love your children just like a niece or nephew, (If you have children.)
If you don't have every bit of this in the one you are calling your friend, then it's time to think of them as your acquaintance, not your friend. Don't settle for trusting someone with your deepest darkest secrets, until you are sure that they have all of these qualities, and will be there for you NO MATTER WHAT! Too many times, I have trusted someone with information about myself, or with information about someone else, only to be burned later by what I had told them.
I think that sometimes we just talk too much in general. We get this sense of validation from letting others in on our lives, and end up telling them way too much. Only to later learn that they shared your secrets with "the world." You need to pick and choose who you are telling what to. Stop and think about if the information you are giving out could later come back to haunt you if that person tells just one other.
When you find your TRUE friend, you won't have to worry about what you are telling them. Anything you say will be kept in confidence.
Just so you knows, these true friends are rare. I just got lucky that I found my best friend at a young age.
You need to play it safe until you are sure that this person will stand behind you, and not open their mouths when you tell them one dark and dirty secret. And if you're not sure, test them. This one is always fun! Make up a rumor and tell them not to say a word. See if it spreads! If it does, let go right then. If not, hold on tight, because you just found something most people never do!
How To Find New Friends
Now that we have established the qualities a true friend should have, how do you go about finding them? They will be sent to you. Everyone that comes into your life serves a purpose. Even the ones that we thought were friends that later stabbed us in the back, or just plain and simply let us down. Chalk it up as a lesson learned, and thank God that you were given the learning opportunity. No matter how much something hurts, that situation was put there in order for you to grow as a person. I think we realize this the older we get.
I think back to a friendship that I once had with someone whom I called my best friend. She seemed to always stick up for me against other people, and yet she would also be the first to tell me off if she didn't like the way I did something. I was constantly afraid of "pissing her off." My stomach would hurt if I thought she was mad at me. She had a temper like no body's business!
I was finally "forced" into sticking up for myself against her during a disagreement. When I say forced, I mean she got me to my wits end with her opinion. To her, her opinion was the only one that mattered, and she knew it all, and everyone else was stupid. I finally had enough one day and ROARED right back at her. That was the day that I became FREE! Up until then, I never stuck up for myself, and I was always afraid of making someone mad. When you realize that even the loud and obnoxious people are just as afraid as you are, you gain a huge sense of freedom. And when you get one to back down and shut up, even more freedom! So now, I have become the loud and obnoxious one! (Oh, and this girl is no longer my friend by the way.)
I met my true friend THROUGH her though. <------How to Find New Friends------> Pay attention to the other people around you when you think you may be getting ready to call a current friendship quits. God sends people into your life, and always at the perfect time. If you are getting to your breaking point with ANYTHING, pay attention to the other options, or solutions he is sending your way, and then GRAB THEM!
You don't need to try and be the "most popular" at school, or go to the bar, or act like someone you're not. These actions will never work in your favor anyway. Pay attention! Opportunities come your way ALL of the time, but you may not be paying attention to them. If you are expecting a great change to come your way, IT WILL! If you are expecting the worst outcome, then that is what will happen. Expect that what you are needing is on it's way.
If you are in need of a good true friend, just expect them to come into your life. Know the difference between "hoping" for something, and "expecting" something. When you hope, you are in the mind set of actually LACKING. To HOPE is to wish for. To expect is to KNOW. When you KNOW that something is going to happen, it always does- every time without fail. Think back to when something really great happened to you, and the way that you were feeling right before that occurrence. You KNEW!
Now, think back to when something bad happened to you. You know you felt it coming. What are you going around expecting to happen? Are you expecting a good friend to come your way, or are you still mad about the one that just hurt you and don't want to trust anyone again? Either way, whatever you know is going to happen, well, it will.
When Is It Time To End A Friendship?
It is time when you say it, and when you feel it. Don't question it. If you feel that you are in a situation that is compromising your mental well-being, end the friendship. If you are friends with someone that keeps making you feel bad about yourself, or puts you down, or even does nothing but builds their own selves up, let them go.
Everyone will have disagreements from time to time, we are human. But you should be able to agree to disagree. My best friend now and I have never been into an argument, and we have been friends for over 12 years. I'm sure I have said plenty that she didn't agree with, as she has said things that i might not have totally agreed with. But we know how to agree to disagree. For one, we just drop it. Why argue over something that we obviously both feel strongly about? No reason to. For two, make light of it. Laugh at your disagreement and go on.
If someone is always trying to correct you, and shove their opinion in your face, it's time to let go. If you are not feeling better about yourself around a certain person, get away from them. Don't spend your free time with them unless you are HAPPY! Why waste your life hanging out with someone that isn't making you feel BETTER about yourself?
How To End The Friendship
Just do it. If you are like how I used to be and are afraid of making someone mad, let that go. I know it is sometimes easier said than done, but until you learn to do it with any situation in your life and until you lose that fear- you are only a prisoner of that fear.
What I did to end the friendship was I slowly stopped answering phone calls. I went from answering every single time (which could be up to 5 or 6 times a day) down to maybe only 3 or 4 times a day. Make yourself not so available to them. Don't go running every time they tell you to. Then go down to answering only a couple of times until eventually, you are not serving their purpose anymore and it fades away. Bad friends feed off of your availability to them. So just don't be available! They will go away on their own.
However, if it's not fear you are dealing with, then you can just tell them that it's time to meet new friends. Easy. And as we get older and have dealt with this a few times over, I think it gets easier anyway. The hard part is being young and learning to deal with it.
Let me end by saying that in my particular situation, this friend of mine was getting badly into drugs. No matter what your situation is, if your friend chooses to go this route and you have tried to talk to them and they are refusing to listen, there is no doubt that you need to end it right then. Don't get your own self into a situation that you can't get out of. Being around this type of lifestyle, even if you are strong enough to say no- can still put you in harmful situations. The other people that they start to hang around tend to lie, cheat and steal. Don't get yourself caught up in this.
I had just gotten pregnant when my friend started getting into the drugs, and I decided that I could not and would not have a child that would ever be around this type of behavior. And today, I am so glad that I made that choice. This person has been to jail numerous times, gotten a couple of DUI's, and is in really bad shape. This is someone that at one point, I would have done anything for. But even when we say we would do ANYTHING for someone, don't let that include jeopardizing your health or well-being. If you are that important to someone, you being put in harms way wouldn't even happen to begin with.
Now go find your friend!
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