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Self-loathing isn't attractive

Updated on February 17, 2017

Why is it us girls always seem to change who we are for a guy? It's not right that you feel you have to become someone you're not for another person, and although sometimes the guy wants you to change and you do so, the majority of times you get together with a guy and then change before his very eyes. What you don't take into account is that he doesn't want you to change: he's with you for who you are, not who you're becoming. If he's making you change, he's most probably an obsessive jerk and you need rid of him urgently. But if not, stop it.

Cheryl Cole was criticised for how skinny she was last year in the X Factor finals, but is now looking a bit curvier
Cheryl Cole was criticised for how skinny she was last year in the X Factor finals, but is now looking a bit curvier


Girls, especially teenage girls, feel pressured mainly by magazines that they read about celebs looking skinny and somewhat "fabulous" and "gorgeous", where really they look like beanpoles. Most men like their girls to have curves and look healthy, not these bags of bones that look like their arms could be snapped like twigs. Look at Cheryl Cole for instance. Everybody loves her and either wants to be with her or look like her. She used to be a very skinny and ill looking 6 stone, but is now looking much healthier. Charlotte Church is another example: although she might have looked good at the size 6/8 she went down to for Over the Rainbow, she looks so much better now that she has gained a bit of weight again.

There is also the case of being called 'fat' by others. If you're a healthy weight, ignore them. If you're overweight, don't fret. If you want to lose weight, make sure it's to make you feel confident in your skin or for health related reasons, not because of them.

Celebrities also always seem to have flawless skin and a nice natural tan to them, which has sadly also become a part of the 'stereotype' that girls think they should look like. They lather themselves in fake tan and wear lots of make up for just normal everyday things. It's like girls these days feel they can't go out without hiding behind a mask of slap, so they look good and can impress boys. Ironically most guys like their girls to look natural, and a lot of girls behind all that make up are absolutely gorgeous! There's nothing wrong with wearing make up or wanting a bit of a tan, but it's best not smothering yourself in it. After all, make up clogs up your skin pores, causing spots to break out all over you face.

Especially with adult relationships, a guy might become jealous of their partner talking to others, and set out to sabotarge these friendships and family relationships so that she has no one but them. This obsessive behaviour can easily become aggressive, and even violent, and no matter what excuse there is, it is wrong. You shouldn't lose your social ring just for a guy you love. He should love you for who you are, not what he wants you to be. And if he hits you, ditch him. He's not worth the pain.

There are a lot of support for women of all ages in all different situations, whether it is for advice, or just for someone to listen to you. They're all happy to help. Just don't change who you are into someone you're not just because your man wants you to.


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    • cmiller0161 profile image

      Claire Miller 5 years ago

      My point exactly! But it's almost as though it's second nature to us now. If a guy isn't buff with a prominent six pack and guns the size of rabbits, a lot of girls don't want to know. If a girl hasn't got big boobs and flawless skin, a lot of guys won't give her a second thought. It sucks!

      And the worst thing is sometimes we encourage it. Like if someone loses a bit of weight we're like, "Wow, you're looking good!" We never say that if someone has gained a little bit of weight. It's just bad!

    • midget38 profile image

      Michelle Liew 5 years ago from Singapore

      We are the victims of the celebrity stereotypes, for sure. Sometimes people blindly use that as benchmarks when half the time they are unrealistic. Not good to peg our identity, physical or otherwise, to stereotypes! Thanks for sharing!!

    • Resolver2009 profile image

      Resolver2009 7 years ago from Bournemouth, UK / Oslo, Norway

      Think you write in a very vivid way Cmiller! Well done. Looking forward to reading more interesting hubs from you, with your personal feelings and beliefs. Take care. Alex