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How to Forgive Someone That Has Lied To You

Updated on May 18, 2013
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Discover How To Break Free From Liars and The Games They Play

How To Forgive After Being Mislead

Before we begin, let me ask you a couple of questions;

Did he lie to you?

Is she not the person you thought she was?

Have you said or are you saying the following;

He cheated on me.

She lied.

I can’t believe anything he or she says anymore.

Are you wondering...

  • how to forgive someone that has lied to you?
  • if a liar can even be forgiven?
  • if you could really forgive someone that you no longer trust?
  • If so then, what lie or lies do we accept from them?

If you are thinking, wondering or questioning the former, you are not alone. Lies have a way of making us feel befuddled and be bewildered.

A lie from an outsider may not be all that serious. It doesn’t take much to carry on, disregard and/or reject lies told by a stranger. After all, strangers are expected to be strange. However lies from a loved one or someone we trust; well, those lies can cut deep and often do. Frankly, it’s because the only people that can actually hurt us are the ones we love.

So, what do we do?

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Can we forgive a loved one that has lied to us?

Yes, I think we can and should if we are to heal. Some might disagree, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. They may feel betrayed, disappointed and even abused.

Why You Should Forgive a Liar

When you’ve been lied to by someone you trust, you have a right to feel disappointed and defiled, but don’t live in those feelings forever; it could be detrimental. You have to let go. Holding on to negative feelings often results in pain and anguish. Far too many victims of lying, cheating scalawags and scoundrels have made anger-filled choices that lead to regret, guilt, crime and even imprisonment or death. Don’t let that happen to you. In the end, after the smoke has cleared, revenge against the perpetrator (liar) is just not worth it. When you seek revenge or atonement from a liar, you put too much weight on the liar and less value on yourself. If a liar truly values your relationship he or she won’t lie; but, will love you enough to tell the truth, even if it’s the hard truth and it hurts.

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What Lies Can Reveal About Someone

The lies people communicate can tell a lot about them but not us. Don’t feel like the pain you are experiencing is your responsibility; that’s how they want you to feel. They want you to think it’s your fault. The number one thing that a lie reveals about a person is his or her character, but there are more.

Here are a few;

  • Untrustworthy on this issue and potentially many others matters
  • Lack Courage
  • Has Poor Communication Skills
  • Lacks Good Judgment
  • Can Be Deceitful

On the other hand, all liars are not harmful; some are storytellers with far flung imaginations. As an only child growing up, that used to be me. I was a story teller. My imagination would go wild all the time until my grandmother put it in check. Whenever I would tell a fib to someone about my adventures, “Brother Eli” or even the secret spy missions that my mother were on she’d say, “Princess stop practicing lying. You just might become an expert.”

How to Spot a Wretched Liar from an Innocent Storyteller

I did not want to become an accomplished liar. I was raised as Christian. To disclose such untruths meant hellfire and death, so I changed the way I told my stories. I’d continue to tell my stories, fabrications or even lies, but at the end of each one I’d say, “Just kidding” and smile. Some people and even the ones we love are just simple storytellers that don’t cause any harm, but you have to know the difference.

Here’s how; ask yourself the following about the perpetrator;

Do the lies they tell me cut deep, truly hurt me and hurt me emotionally, physically or financially? Do they lie a lot?

Can anything out of their lips be trusted?

If the lies have become too numerous, you have lost faith, and/or they hurt you in the pocket/pocketbook, soul or body then you should, protect your heart, wallet and physical health from the liar.

Free Yourself: Learn the Four F’s of Worry-Free Forgiveness

1. Forgive Yourself for Trusting the Perpetrator Too Long

  • We usually don’t arrive at this point of deception until we’ve experienced several incidents of mistrust.

2. Forgive yourself

  • We all make mistakes, now learn from them and take the actions so it won't happen again.

3. Forgive the liar

  • A liar will be a liar
  • See the liar as the sick person he or she is, but don’t try to fix him or her – we can only fix ourselves

4. Forsake the Liar

  • Create Distance Between You and the Liar - we may have to be in the presence of a liar, but we don’t have to be present
  • Learn to be “friendly,” but not friends with the liar

-Bonus tip: One thing I do when I’m hurt by a liar but must speak to them is to look at their forehead and spell the word, “LIAR”. It gives me a moment to pause and helps to remind me not to put my trust in the hands of the liar

  • Forget the Lie and/or Lies, Remember the Pain, but Move On
  • Don’t hold onto to what he or she did or didn’t do
  • It’s over; you can’t rewrite a period in history, you can only make a new page

No More Cheating! No More Lies!

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How to Move on After Being Lied To

The number one thing to do is to find useful and healthy distractions to move on and away from someone that has lied to you.

  • Connect and Surround Yourself with People You Trust
  • Get a New Hobby
  • Learn A New Skill – take a class,
  • Mentor or Help Someone else

Lighten up – find a way to laugh, have fun and let go of resentment and despair Replace a negative situation and/or reaction with a positive one to recover.

Final Tips

When you start to shift the focus off of what has happened or been done to you start to feel better. Remember do not seek revenge, forgiveness or atonement. A liar worth his or her mettle seeks forgiveness without assistance.

To sum it all up, here’s some sage advice from one of my dear friends you can stash it or trash. Whatever you decide to do with it is up to you, but I think it’s funny. When I struggled to get over a relationship with a wretched liar, Brenda was there to rescue me. Not only did she tell me to “throw on some sexy” and get out of the house. She said this: “Princess the best way to get over a frog is to get out there and get your Prince.” She was right, eventually and within a little time, I met my Prince and to-date I’m living happily ever after – free from lies, deceit and of course worries. Now it’s your chance; move on and toward your own happy ending –it doesn’t have to be a fairy tale either.

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    • MariaExcala profile image

      MariaExcala 

      12 months ago from Germany

      very nice, thanks

    • profile image

      Blossom 

      3 years ago

      If you know that someone is lying to you the first time, call them out on it, or else they will believe that the lying is completely acceptable even though it's not

    • profile image

      walaa ahme koriem 

      3 years ago

      I luv it so much and am gonna stash ur sage advice

    • livelifeworryfree profile imageAUTHOR

      Princess Clark 

      5 years ago from The DMV

      Agreed @cloverleaffarm forgiveness gives he strength and confidence to walk away if ever there is a next time. Thanks for your share. :)

    • cloverleaffarm profile image

      Healing Herbalist 

      5 years ago from The Hamlet of Effingham

      Forgive once, but if it happens again...they are out.

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