- Gender and Relationships»
- Relationship Problems & Advice
By Tony DeLorger © 2011
Minds meet without expectation and with the improbable view of connection. We, as a race, are complex and specialized beings whose life experience is so diverse it is not easy to relate deeply to another human being. We can find common ground and have an attraction to people, but beyond the superficial, there is little chance of a profound understanding.
Partnerships and marriages are perfect examples of this ineptitude and after time and experience together, cracks begin to form and reality rears its head. We hold tightly to secrets, inner feelings and thoughts that we shared with no-one, and that includes our partners. How we see our relationships are measured daily about how easy or difficult sharing a life can be. We gather likes and dislikes in extraordinary detail and the little idiosyncrasies that once endeared us, suddenly become deal-breakers.
We change through life depending on our experiences, good and bad, and our opinions of what is real and what is acceptable in a state of flux. Our goals change with just as much regularity and how our partner fits into those plans can become an issue without fault or intent. We simply change and whether that change fits together in a future with someone, regardless of the longevity of the relationship, is questionable.
That is why compromise is the saving grace of partnerships. Without it the unlikelihood of continued harmony is proven beyond doubt. The choice is simple; to keep a union on track we must decide to sacrifice something to preserve the balance. When a partner embarks on a change of direction that impacts on the other, the choice must be made. You either support the change and your partner and make a personal sacrifice, or reject it and discover the impact on the relationship.
The unwillingness of people these days to compromise accounts for a great many break-ups in relationships. How can anyone expect that two individual people can grow and evolve in the same direction and with the same understandings? It is rare and unlikely.
The depth of understanding between two people is based on compromise and the lack of judgement. No-one thinks the same, and we need to look further than the physical attraction that no doubt drew you to each other. Learning about each others life experience is a start to understanding attitudes, fears and aspirations. Knowing that, we have to face the possible compromises that will arise from individual goals; we can then decide. At that point we know in our hearts whether that is possible or accepted. Unfortunately many people can’t part themselves from the physical love and emotional overwhelming of new relationships. This is the beginning of the end. The sparks fade and without a firm grounding, the relationship will fail.
Connections can be on many levels and at many depths, but the longevity depends on understanding and sacrifice. If this commitment is not undertaken then it is only a matter of time before breakdown. The commitment is also ongoing and necessary to preserve any relationship.