- Gender and Relationships»
To Really Love a Wife....
If you ever think that you have cherished your wife enough husbands, ask her to see what she says. Be prepared to make a list of things that makes her feel cherished.
Cherish & Honor Her
The rewards of doing so will bring amazing blessings into your families.
Now, of course it will.
In today's society we see the sitcoms that show the families living in perpetual acceptance of every circumstance in life of in utter abandon regarding each other!
Reality is not all thorns and ash. Remember the Cosby Show, Family Ties, Leave it to Beaver and the Jetsons? If only it really were like that in most of our homes--at least a good majority of the time!
It can be! No, we will not solve our problems in one thirthy minute episode, but we can learn to have better relationships with our spouses. You love your wife or you wouldn't have married her.
We are going to assume you treat her with courtesy and respect.
Taking that you are doing all that a decent human would do for another human into consideration, let's continue.
Let us define Cherish.
According to the Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary, cherishing means to hold dear—feeling or showing affection, to keep or cultivate with care and affection or to entertain or harbor in the mind deeply and resolutely.
We celebrate Valentine’s Day in order to show our cherish-ment each year in this Western Culture of ours and it is not enough. We are to cherish, hold dear, and think deeply and resolutely about our wives each day of the year!
If you ever think that you have cherished your wife enough husbands, ask her to see what she says. Be prepared to make a list of things that makes her feel cherished. They deserve it. We should remember that she gave up her family to become a member of a new family, which bears our last names! For doing that, for changing their identity because they love us so much, we should cherish them and hold them sacred!
Just so there are no misunderstandings, I DO NOT mean that we should own them or lock them away like some precious item! When we think about our wives, we should think constantly about what makes them happy and gives them pleasure. We should handle their emotions with ginger, carefully.
Our wives tend to be more expressive on certain matters than are we. We cherish them by considering what brings out the passion in them, both good and bad. We discover all of their weakness and flaws so that we can learn to accept them without judgment. We compliment their strengths and count them a blessing as we use them together with our own strengths.
Let us define Honor
I speak about the verb honor and not the noun. The verb honor is defined on Dictionary.com as the act of holding in high respect, treat with high respect, worship or show courteous regard, In other words, she comes first before all others. I take exception to worshiping her, but it should be pretty darn close! Only your deity should come with more honor than your wife!
I know that is a bold statement to make, but it is the truth.
Search your hearts and meditate on these things and you will find that you can only agree. We should be willing to open the door for her if she does not object. We should be willing to stand when she enters the room on occasion if she does not mind. We should be willing to allow her to eat first at meals--take the first bite of food before we eat if she does not object.
Notice I say that we should be willing to do these things if SHE Does Not Object! The worst thing that can happen is to hold your wife hostage every time she wants a door opened! The restroom does not count as one of those doors! If there is an emergency and she needs to flee, do not demand she let you open the door first--especially if you are the threat!
We honor them in action by the things we do in their presence.
Now I speak about Honor as a noun. As a noun, honor is a title. Dictionary.com defines honor as a noun using fairness, integrity in one's beliefs and actions, a source of credit or distinction, high respect (as for worth, merit, or rank), such respect manifested, high public esteem, fame or glory as descriptors.
The only epitaphs we should give to our wives are those of honor and respect. This means we call them "Dear" and "Sweetheart" with only the sounds of love intoned in our voices or we just avoid calling them anything until we can! Honoring our wives helps them to know their place in the marriage, which is right at our side as an equal partner. Wife, the title, is one of honor just as Mother or Aunt or even Sister, mistress, miss and misses! We give these cultural designations to our women as a way to distinguish them from among others.
Distinguish your wife from others. Honor that title as it applies to your wife. You love her. Make her know that you honor her position at your side. You speak of her in reverence and awe and marvel at the fact that she actually chose you to marry. She is more valuable than any other person on the planet. Let her know that she is the Queen of your life and waits for none!
Yes, it sounds romantic and out of a book of drama, but it should be true. We should esteem our wives to the point that they must give us permission to do other things. We can get there! We start by putting them first.
Seek out Her best interests and submit to Her happiness above your own!
We seek the interests of our wives by finding out what they like and what they dislike. That is simple enough isn't it? My wife likes R & B music. I do not per se. What do I do? Well, I do not give her grief about her music any more. It makes her feel good to listen to it. I purchased her a disc of music that includes several songs that she absolutely loves. It makes her happy and it is legal!
It is that simple to find out what she likes and be aware of it so that you can help her get as much of what she is interested in as she can. You should make sure you are aware of your wife's political views, music tastes, hobbies, passions, intimate favorites, and any other particulars. Being aware does not mean we must agree with it all. It means we know of those things because we love and respect our wives and are interested in providing outlets to their enjoyment.
Submit to their happiness above your own. All joking and smart little cheeky comments aside, we are men by how we submit our will to the will of our wives. I do mean submit as in to put aside our desires, wants, and occasionally needs so that she can be happier. All this must occur in reason. Of course we don't skip taking a medicine that will sustain us so that our wife can say that she is happy that we don't take meds!
If you have to ask why I will tell you. I ask why often myself! I love her. I love my wife and nothing makes me more happy than to see her smile. It intoxicates me to see that smile. I do not give into her every whim, but just about! If I say "no" to her, because of how I have treated her, she will know that there is some extenuating circumstance that supersedes my desire to please--at least I hope she knows!
There is no exact science for it, but the willingness must be present in our hearts to forsake our pleasure for her pleasure. We as men must be secure enough about ourselves to love our wives. We must work out our insecurities so that we can stand firm for her just as in the movies--the old ones. That does not mean we hide the truth from her! That is more insulting to do. It means we get the psychological or emotional help we need WITH her support so that we can serve her.
What about my needs? I promise you that if you focus on making your wife happy, you will find that she is of the same opinion. We are talking about our wives' needs. Women also can remove all references to wife and put in husband. They are equally responsible to look after our needs; however, it is our focus on our spouses needs and not what we think they should be doing for us.
As humans, our emotions are all over the place sometimes. If we have done our duty most of the time, on those occasion where we miss several beats will be forgiven and considered exceptions. Trust me, love, true love works both ways.
Seek this pattern of behavior. It will improve your life! Your spouse will be happier, and your children if any will be better off. For many of us, we are far from perfecting our relationship processes, but if we are willing to learn and forgive as we travel the road together as equals we will be happy in this life. If we are willing, all of us, we can overcome this trend of divorce and provide a better society for the next generation.
A Fun Poll
What do you think Wives fear the most?
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© 2013 Rodric Johnson