My Soul Mate Found Me! Karma Love and a Beautiful Khmer Cambodian Wife!
Mony and Me before we were married. We were in love at first site, although we hid it for a while...
Mony and I Were Married on October 27, 2008
"I am so in love with my wife! She really is the most beautiful woman in the world, inside and out!"
[This was the introductory sentence and paragraph to this article when I wrote it some years ago. Unfortunately, for myself and you, the reader, we have since broken up (it was her decision as I will later explain), so I feel the need to update this Hub instead of deleting it. This is a great way for me to follow and record time and events while sharing relationship status with my readers. Here is the original context with updated statuses combined. I hope you enjoy this more than I did...]
"Our tale is truly a story out of a romance novel. There were so many elements in both of our lives that made it seem impossible that we would ever even meet."
For starters, my wife was born in Cambodia on the other side of the world! If it wasn't for the atrocities that occurred there in the 1970s under the Khmer Rouge Regime, my wife would never have come here as a refugee.
During that time, the Khmer Rouge, led by Pol Pot, was killing many people under a Guerrilla Communist Regime whose goal was to reduce the population of Cambodia by 2/5 and force the remaining citizens into agricultural slave labor.
Somewhere between 4 and 7 million people were killed in less than 5 years because of this horrible part of history. No one knows how many victims there were because there are no official records of each victim's death.
Looking to find something positive out of all this, my wife's family was able to get out of the region early and was protected by the military and lived in a series of refugee camps spread out all of Southeast Asia. Mony lived in Cambodian camps, Thai camps, camps in Tai Pei, Taiwan (she told me that was the most beautiful place in the world) and was moved around hastily from camp to camp, and as a young girl, she wasn't completely sure were she was, or where she was brought to; she was just happy that she was safe and had water to drink, which was sparse, and rarely safe to drink. Bathes and teeth brushing were a commodity that only showed up a few times a week... if a family was lucky enough to receive it. She survived and was granted Naturalized Citizenship to the United States as a Refugee. Because of this, I was able to meet her! We met at work...
It was not easy for her to learn the language and customs of our country; everything is different in South East Asia. The food, religion, customs, climate-everything is literally different. But she learned the way of America and did well in school. She graduated high school before meeting the man that would become her children's father. I should add that Mony came here when she was 12 years old. (She is 38 years old at the time of this [original] publishing; I am 33 years old.)" [I am now 40 years old as I edit this-she is 46...]
There are so many great things that I am feeling and many things that I would like to say about Mony, it is hard to know where to begin. Perhaps that is why is has taken me so long to publish this Hub!
I suppose I should begin at the beginning; when it all started...
My life, overall, was pretty good. I was the youngest of 3 (I also have an adopted Brother who is older than I, but we didn't grow up together as he was adopted as an adult) and by the time my parents had me, they were doing pretty well financially, in comparison to my older sisters. I went to private schools, played Hockey, was a Boy Scout, had girlfriends throughout High School; all was pretty well for me.
I had a girlfriend after High School, and at the time I thought I was going to marry her. We were together for 5 years but all we did was argue.The relationship was never sound and we spent our time trying to convince each other that everything was going to work out. Her parent's liked me and I loved the family. Unfortunately, the chemistry was not right in the relationship; all we did was argue and it was always about small, stupid stuff.
Well, when I turned 21 years old and selfish, I began to go to bars... and this is where my troubles began. .. I ended up cheating on my girlfriend and I left her for another woman.
What goes around, comes around; Karma is a Bitch!
Due to the forces of nature and my ignorant self , I found myself stuck in a rut for too many years with this new woman. She was older than me and I thought that I could change her and help her change her lifetime of perpetual bad luck.
I quickly moved into this new girlfriend's house and took over responsibilities of the head of household. The woman I was with was physically abusive, a cheater, and tried to blame me for many things that I did not do. She was a "Drama Queen" and always seemed to have a problem. She needed to always be the center of attention. There was always a problem-nothing ever went smooth. As a result, my family didn't like her and I ended up not speaking with my family for nearly 2 years.
Tragically, the girl that I had left for this woman, died in a car accident 2 years later. I felt like a jerk for cheating, and I never had a chance to apologize! My "new" girlfriend was jealous of my ex and wouldn't even let me mourn the loss of her. She took a fit when I was asked to be a Pall Bearer and she even made a scene when we went to the Wake. I never forgave her for that.
Everywhere we went, she would flirt with other men and I caught her cheating several times (I said that Karma is a Bitch!) One time she messed my face up so bad that I left the state for almost a month so that the cuts and bruises would heal. You have no idea how embarrassing this is for a man to say!
Needless to say, and a long story short, a series of events occurred and we were no longer together. I spent the next 2 1/2 years alone, evaluating my self and reflecting on how I would produce situations that would add to the positive aspect of Karma, related to my life.
The job market was crappy (no Bush jokes intended ) and in my demographic area, there were no jobs. My city experienced an average of 18% unemployment for a long time! I finally found a job working at a factory, and that is where I met my wife!
My wife was never legally married to anyone before me and she was with the same man since she was 19. They had 3 wonderful children together. Oddly enough, the family hierarchy was set up like my own; 2 older girls and the youngest, a boy.
Mony's ex-boyfriend was selfish and was rarely around for my wife and his kids. She raised her 3 kids by herself. Now, they are ages 15, 13, and 11. [Now they are 22, 20, and 18 with birthdays soon approaching...] I am a lucky Step-Dad! (I still hate the word, "Step").
Our oldest has a learning disability but she tries her best all of the time. The youngest is very hyperactive but he is honestly the best boy in the world! Now then there's the middle child... with "Middle Child Syndrome". It's real. No kidding. Seriously. No joke. Look it up. I'm not making this up.
I think that this syndrome is very real and that a lot of middle children experience it and display the same behaviors. I know that my sister did! Well, our middle child can be difficult. Sometimes she feels that the other 2 children get more love and attention than she does because of their disabilities. She is constantly looking for negative attention, likes to swear, and the list goes on and on! I can not wait for this difficult phase to end!
The fact is that she doesn't think that my wife loves her as much as she loves the other 2 and that she can do no right in my wife's eyes. She views me as an impostor, who brainwashed her mother into being a disciplinarian. It's definitely not an easy hat to wear!
My wife, no matter what, shows unconditional love to all of her children. She is not only the best Wife in the world; she is also the best Mother! She is always there for the family, cooking (she's a great cook; a mix of Asian and American!), doing laundry and all the other important household things. Of course, I help her!
Mony is a great friend, Mother, Wife, Daughter and I am so blessed that God put us together even though we were 2 worlds apart. I am truly blessed to have her and I look forward to spending the rest of my days with her. If I am lucky, we can go out like Noah and Allie in "The Notebook"!
This article is a tribute to my wife:
Mony, I love you!
© 2011 JS Matthew