- Gender and Relationships»
I Am a Jealous Wife
I Am a Jealous Wife
I know that this bold statement would raise an eyebrow to the trying hard positive thinker and self-righteous wife or husband. But while you are at it, try to think twice and examine yourself, see what you had been suppressing deep within you.
Feelings of jealousy are as valid as feelings of love. Human beings cannot eliminate emotions that are natural to them. Jealousy is always present when a person truly falls in love; these feelings are twins!
Let me quote Song of Solomon 8:6;
“Set me as seal upon your heart; as a seal upon your arm; for love is as strong as death, jealousy is as cruel as the grave; its flames are flames of fire, a most vehement flame.”
Even God is a jealous God, He abhors worshippers of graven images and God’s jealousy means death punishment to the sons and daughters of His chosen people.
But all these religious and Biblical accounts of jealousy are beside the point. The truth remains that jealousy exists in every normal heart of every normal human. To deny the feelings of jealousy is to deny your existence just as one cannot live to enjoy life without love.
Given that jealousy is as real as love, it is still subjective to the total personality of an individual and to the condition and situation of their relationship, among other factors. Survey shows that most people deny or suppress the feelings of jealousy because they have the social and collective mindset that jealousy is a negative feeling hence they negate it outwardly.
The seemingly normal people don’t want to be perceived as negative, they try hard to project a wholesome and positive personality.
Only those with strong and straightforward personality who know who and what they are can boldly admit publicly their reality.
So, what are the common negative connotations of jealousy? For most people, jealousy is a taboo and conveys the following assumptions;
1. Jealous wives or husbands or lovers are insecure of their mate’s love and attention;
2. Being jealous is a symptom of a controlling personality;
3. Jealous people are having low self-esteem;
4. Jealousy is a very painful feeling hence must be suppressed and ignored;
5. Jealousy is envy and inadequacy in action;
6. A jealous spouse or lover is actually the errant in the relationship.
The preceding are just some of the most common negative assumptions about jealousy. The list can continue infinitely.
Like a certain amount of necessary fear for self-preservation and life sustaining assertion, a certain amount of jealousy is necessary to keep the flame of love burning especially in a marriage relationship. It has its pros and cons and has its own stages of intensity.
Jealousy is not all negative like most people would like to believe. Most people, though, shun the feelings of jealousy because somewhere within their nature knows that jealousy is a deadly feeling to its extreme. Jealousy is a sure vehicle to murder when it is allowed to control one’s heart and life.
Jealousy exists in every heart; the more you suppress and ignore it the more it gets vehement and will destroy your life eventually. Divorce, prostitution, uncontrolled and unreasonable anger and evil tantrums even murder, unexplained illness, and general failures in life are among the extreme destroyer and social ills resulting from suppressed jealousy.
Jealousy and fear are two equally powerful emotions to destroy life when not faced squarely. People like the feelings of love and are ready to sacrifice jealousy for fear of losing the person they love. This is actually an outright paradox.
Jealousy should be expressed reasonably in the right time and must be understood and seen in its right perspective.
To cite an example; my personal experience
My first marriage lasted for 18 years. It bore two children. I had no doubts of my ex-husband’s love to me nor did it occur to me that he would leave me or replace me, but I left him eventually.
There was a time when he shocked me when I discovered his affair with my 16-year old promiscuous housemaid. I really actually got sick as a result; it was just unthinkable because I never had expected it to happen having never been suspicious and jealous ever since.
I knew nothing about jealousy, I just felt so secured in his love, in fact too secured to be ignorant of the natural tendencies of men in a given situation where their weakness with the opposite sex is triggered. I was ignorant in the ways of men.
From then on I had learned to disdain him; it was so difficult to forgive him from my heart but because we have two small children and that I wanted to save the marriage for the sake of our children so I really struggled to forgive him.
Forgiving him was a release from my emotional pains but his behavior alerted me and jealousy crept in to the rescue. I started getting jealous and assertive because at the time I still loved him and needed him being the father of my kids.
I was not supposed to be jealous because I was young and I possessed all the qualities of a desirable woman, e.g. look, family background, education, intellect, good reputation, to mention a few. My jealousy was not for insecurity, it was a righteous jealousy supported by the fact of his promiscuity as against my principle of an unblemished marriage that should be founded in love, integrity and loyalty as I am.
I didn’t listen to his promises; I saw what type of person he was and that won’t change and I don’t believe in an abrupt change of personality just because I caught him in his natural weakness. I felt so sorry for myself having been involved with a weakling. My jealousy was for self-preservation and to guard myself from natural traitors and predators like my ex-husband.
When my heart got tired of being jealous so that he did not anymore exist as far as I was concerned, it was then I realized that the flame of love for him had eventually died.
I eventually had lost my love for him along with jealousy. I was glad that I was not jealous anymore and glad too that I didn’t love him anymore; both jealousy and love jumped out the window in that relationship, so did I.
Really, Love and Jealousy are TWINS, their family name is FLAMES; that is flames that keep the desire for each other in a marriage relationship burning.