- Gender and Relationships
You Can't Make People Be Your Friends
No matter how strong and independent a person may be,many of us want to have friends. Unfortunately, we all know that there are certain people that will just never really like us, and this can feel like rejection when you actually admire a certain person and want to be their friend. Most likely anything you do to try to win that person over will never work because they have already made up their mind about you. In such a situation you can cut losses and move on as there is little point in worrying about what you cannot change. However, when someone does not like us it can be a problem if they had at one time been a friend, or if we are married to or dating that person. Should we play hard to get and hope that rekindles a friend or lover's interest? This technique might work with people who like to play games, but in the long run it is really not something you want to spend your time doing. The choice is usually up to you, but it is often best to just be honest with yourself and move on. Around the holidays people want to feel like their friends and lovers are there for them, but if the person does not like you - well there is little you can do to change this.
Do Not Try To Make People Like You
Some people just do not click from the get go. Many of us of been on a blind date with someone whom we were even slightly attracted to, but it is evident from the start this person just does not like you very much. Also, there is the scenario where you meet a new person at a social event, and you can tell they just do not like you very much. In these cases you might find yourself trying to talk about a topic that this person has expressed interest in to win them over, but I can guarantee this is an exercise in futility. It took me a long time to accept that some people will just never like me no matter what I do, and I learned to move on after that. You can be cordial to these people and say hi, but do not expect much in return.
Do Not Try To Make Your Significant Other Like You
Often our significant other can fall out of like with us. I remember in my early twenties how I acted really desperate trying to make this guy I was dating like me again. Well he had liked me in the beginning, but then I realized that was before he got to know me. He liked the idea of someone who never really talked to him or intruded on his free time. It was all about him, and you had to wait around for when he wanted to call you and such. I know he had fun when we first spent time together, but he changed his mind when I started talking about wanting more of a commitment.
I honestly thought that if I called him when he was not calling me that he might change his mind and like me again. Nope, I think my desperation made him pity me more. Oh well, I learned you cannot make someone like you, and this can even happen in a long term marriage. You might be married to someone for years, and they might one day decide they just really do not like you anymore. I suggest cutting your losses when you are ahead and consider breaking up or divorce.
If someone never calls or really does not want to spend any time with you: that is your answer. In functional relationships people actual want to spend time with each other because there is a mutual attraction of sorts. In a dysfunctional relationship one person may end up begging or mopping around hoping the other person will take notice. Refuse to be that person! Rise above that and move on from these type of relationships. In my book a relationship is only viable when both parties still mutually enjoy each others' company. If your significant other seems to be working really odd hours without checking in, or if the person you have been dating for just a few months is pretty distant; do not wait around to find out why. You already know the answers to these questions.
Do Not Try And Make Your "Friend" Like You
There was a time when the two of you were friends, but that time might have passed if that person never really wants to hang out or talk to you anymore. Stop trying to rekindle the friendship because people change, and most likely they have decided there is just something about you they do not like anymore. Do not grovel or try to call the "friend" who never seems to call you, and who never seems to have time to hang out.
Yes as people get older they have less time for social get togethers, but if you notice even married couples with kids seem to have time to invite some of their close friends over for lunch and holiday parties. If you are not on the invite list then do not worry about it. Do not ask your mutual friends why so and so did not invite you to a certain party. It is time to put on your brave face and to stay home and read a good book rather than crashing a party you were not invited too. Life is too short, and your real friends will always accept you for who are. Who knows, by not trying to rekindle that old friendship you might even meet new people that you have things in common with, and you might even strike up a few new friendships that way.
Years ago I learned that friends can come and go when my so-called best friend stopped talking to me completely. We had had a bit of a disagreement, but I realized for her to completely cut off communication we had never been best friends, and ultimately she was not too worried about my feelings. I regretted having told her things towards the end that I felt were hurting my feelings in the friendship, but years later I realized if we had still truly been close friends I could have said those things without judgement. Unfortunately, I will probably never be that close to someone again after that experience, and I really do not believe in the concept of best friends anymore. I believe in being friendly to people, but I will never be close to anyone again.
Ultimately: Certain People Are Just Drawn To Us
Everyone can have cordial friendships with people they really do not click with, and that might be the bulk of people you know. However,friendships and relationships, there are just certain people who are ultimately drawn to us, and us to them. When you have this mutual chemistry in a friendship or a relationship you find that both of you want to spend time together, and there is none of this talk of needing to schedule outings. Have your ever noticed how when you meet a certain new friend you want to hang out with her, or when you start dating a new guy you are not making faux excuses about schedules. Ultimately are closest friends are the people were there is this mutual magnetism, and there is none of the finagling that is required in other relationships.