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I Can't Make You Love Me

Updated on January 31, 2012

This is not a hub about unrequited love, nor is it a complaint about needing, wanting or desiring love from anybody. It's an acceptance of a situation that I've realized has nothing to do with me.

When you fall in love with a person, inevitably you fall into their close circles of friends and family. First impression is everything, so you do what you can to be that person whom they seek for their loved one, your love interest. We all do this, well most of us anyway, it's an essential characteristic of in living things. We seek love, and it envelopes most of us for some time, and only for a time.

That directly applies to understanding as well. Unfortunately for us human beings, the longer you're around the same people, the harder it is to make them love you, the stranger you might become, and the stricter your understanding of each other is. So there are three important thoughts worth weighing in those times of frustration and endless tears.

~"You can't make your heart feel, something it wont."

Tips On Controlling Your Perception

  • Become a listener, maybe the other person needs to hear what they're saying.
  • Be careful of how you tell the story (Try not to lay blame).
  • If you need to walk away from an argument, don't hesitate.
  • Nobody's keeping score but you, reconsider your approach
  • Allow positive action to come out of emotions.

Three Things to Think About

1.You can't make their mind understand something it cannot see. After a series of rather serious events occurred, I stopped talking because it became aggravating to speak and felt unheard. These are some things that I've taken into consideration when I find myself spiraling back into determination to be loved.

  • What may be an explanation from you, can be received as an excuse to continue your behavior.

  • In a long-term relationship (lover, in-laws, friends ) your views will become skewed/narrowed.

  • Don't trust your own judgement, but listen to third parties (friends, family, strangers)

  • Acting out of spite, will only hurt you in the long run

For example, imagine you're standing two inches from a person, staring them in the eye. They are likewise looking straight ahead at you. Suddenly you feel this intense pain in your arm, completely unexpected, and you're so sure that it was that person standing so close to you. But you didn't see, and you can't move your eyes. Without stepping away from that "situation" how can you be so sure it was them who caused that pain? No matter how convinced that they are responsible for your pain, you don't know.

2.Our perceptions are like the cracks of a broken mirror. Break a mirror and no matter how tight you put the pieces back together, there will still be visible cracks.

The combination of circumstances at a given point in your life will lead to an unparalleled attitude towards the individuals around you.

  • You might become more paranoid

  • Gain low self-esteem

  • Blame yourself

  • Become anxious prior to any interactions

  • Avoid situations

  • Ratify their accusations or your accusations with irrational behavior

So step back from that view and question where the pain came from. Nor should you ignore the pain for the sake of making them love you. It just might make the situation worse.

~"Turn down these voices inside my head"

What do you consider cheating?

There are many views on what qualifies as cheating, what's yours?

See results

3.You are not responsible for anyone's happiness but your own. Infidelity seems to be ripe nowadays, occurring everywhere you turn. This is very frustrating, not because a person who cheats stains his/her character and damages the affected's emotional stability, but because the victim usually blame themselves. Even after a betrayal as heart wrenching as an affair, we still stay, or go back, or worse yet develop a desire to fix it by making them love you again. Some people who perpetuate those actions cite these as primary reasons:

  • I'm still in love

  • I didn't perform my responsibilities as a __________ (fill in the blank)

  • If only I could show how much love I love him/her

  • I need to keep him/her happy and satisfied

  • I did this to myself

Yes, relationships are emotional and life investments, but with any investment if it falls apart, you walk away from it. Staying typically results in resentment, contempt, and lack of trust across the board.

~"The love you don't feel, when you're holding me."

Note: The song by Bonnie Raitt was written byMike Reid and Allen Shamblin after Reid saw an article about a man arrested for getting drunk and shooting at his girlfriend's car. The judge asked him if he had learned anything, to which he replied, "I learned, Your Honor, that you can't make a woman love you if she don't."

Pick your battles

No one is exempt of this war that is life, but everybody has a right to pick their own battles.

Ask yourself, is this really the battle you want to fight right now? With all the other stress and difficulties in your life, do you really need to add Make them love me to your list? Even as an entertainer, or in your career, at no point should you sell your set of values, or system of beliefs to attain such a variable sentiment.

  • Shakespeare said "To thine own self, be true"
  • W.C Fields, a well known entertainer with the reputation of an egotist said "It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to."

Getting caught up in making people love you is a treason to the name you've forged for yourself, and if you can't stay true to it, then you will answer to what they wish to call you.

~"Morning will come, I'll do what is right, Give me till then to give up this fight"

Penny For Your Thoughts??

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    • catalystsnstars profile image

      catalystsnstars 6 years ago from Land of Nod

      Thanks, I hope it helps others like it has helped me.

    • cleaner3 profile image

      cleaner3 6 years ago from Pueblo, Colorado

      Nice hub, great perspective on love and self esteem.