I Don't Want To Play By The Rules Anymore
and you can't make me!
Recently when discussing dating a friend of mine said "When you're in a relationship it's like there's this whole set of rules that come along with it."
I think that is so profound and absolutely true. Although I enjoy being in a relationship, I am not someone who likes being told what to do. Who does, of course, but with me that's extra true. I grew up with a bi-polar mother and more than one super abusive stepfather, so controlling behavior flips a switch in me and the monster comes out.
So, back to the dating rules... Whether they are actually spoken or just implied there are rules, wouldn't you agree? Some of these rules are very valid, I must admit.. Don't sleep with other people, don't belittle your partner, especially in public, etc.
However there are some rules that I really have a hard time with. I keep turning them over and over in my brain thinking "why?" Each relationship may have it's own set of rules but let's examine some from my most recent relationship, shall we?
1. You are no longer allowed to have contact with any ex-boyfriends (unless of course you have children together, and then there's no choice.)
Why? Why is that? Now I am a grown woman and more than thirty years old. I have met many people throughout my life. I have had more than my share of lovers, I will admit, but we didn't all part on bad terms. In fact I remain friends with several of them. I talk to them. That doesn't mean I sleep with them.
I believe everyone we meet enters our lives for a reason. We learn from each other, but for whatever reason a romantic relationship just won't work. Maybe you want different things out of life, or he carries on a lifestyle that makes you uncomfortable. Still, you have a connection.
So, why should I ignore my friend and someone who understands me, someone I care about, just because I am seeing someone new? We made the decision not to be together for valid reasons, and if I had any intention of going back there I wouldn't be dating someone new.
I think the answer to this one is insecurity. If the new man in your life is insecure, he will feel very very threatened at the thought of this behavior.
2. If an ex does contact you, you must confess it. He, of course, thinks that your ex is like stalking you or something. He also has the right to get angry, and yet still expect you to confess each and every time you bump into, get a text from, or speak to your ex.
Is this once again insecurity?
3. You are not allowed to go to the bar without him. However, he NEVER wants to go out. Even if going with your friends, that's a maybe and must get prior approval.
Now, I play pool and I'm a karaoke junkie. Silly little hobbies, I know but I enjoy them. Do I tell him he can't go out with his buddies? Do I tell him he can't go hunting or fishing or whatever? No, because I don't own him, and I trust him. If you ask me, you can meet people anywhere, a bar is just a location. Millions of people meet on the Internet, so does that mean he shouldn't be allowed to go online, or to the grocery store? Sounds ridiculous doesn't it?
4. You are not allowed to talk to him when he is in a fowl mood, and if you attempt to call, he reserves the right to blow you off.
Four simple rules, specific to my situation, but how many of you have experienced these kinds of things in a relationship? There's always something. You don't keep the house clean enough. I have to park my vehicle in your driveway because it's far more valuable. Park yours on the street, etc.
I don't want to play by the rules anymore! I will talk to who I want, and go where I want, and sing karaoke when I want.. Hell, even sleep with whoever I want!
In fact, I want to have a sizzling hot rendezvous with my hunky 22 yr old ex-boyfriend. I want to jump on a plane with a guy friend of mine and hit Vegas... because I can! I don't want to have to explain myself, or more importantly feel guilty for talking to people that have known me and been supportive of me for years. Some dude I met a couple months ago just isn't worth it.
So, I've embarked on that adventure. We'll see how it goes since I'm a relationship junkie. Will I be able to stay single long? Honestly, I don't know.
With all that freedom comes loneliness as well. My mother has said to me many times "a little bit of something is better than a whole lot of nothing"... but I don't want to live for a little bit of something. I'll take the risk, have some adventures and roll the dice to try to meet the man that's more than "a little bit of something."