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I Fell Asleep Before I Could Have The Ambien Sex

Updated on December 10, 2009


I don’t know why but I was sort of excited when I heard that Tiger Woods was having sex under the influence of Ambien, mostly because I had it in my cabinet at home and how often do you have “the” drug everyone’s talking about right at home all ready? Anyone who reads my blog knows that my mind is constantly running at several thousand miles a minute, the same can be said when I lay down at night. So on occasion I find the need to use a little something to try to quiet my mind and allow myself to actually get some rest instead of spending all night wondering why Barbara Walters and Barry Manilow are starting to look alike or what I’m going to eat tomorrow. So last night, I prepared myself for a new found amorous encounter and took the new drug/sex wonder pill but then I fell asleep before I could have Ambien sex – Don’t Get Me Started!

Now apparently I’m not doing it right because I guess I’m supposed to have Vicodin and some booze to mix with the Ambien. I’m awful in the kitchen and can’t make anything without referring to a recipe a thousand times during the process so if I was going to get into the drug induced sex craze I would need more than just some rumors from a tabloid, I would need a bona fide recipe dammit. And so it came to pass that there would be no coming, only going, to sleep that is in mere minutes after taking my Ambien.

Maybe it’s my tolerance level. I can get sloppy drunk on my second cocktail. I like to think that it’s my lack of body weight to soak up the hooch but since my last visit to my doctor included him telling me that I needed to lose some weight, I guess I can no longer use that excuse.  I am far from a light weight in a lot of aspects of my life but what I learned is that apparently when it comes to sleeping aids I am one.

The thing that really gets me is that I really don’t understand all of the drugs to have sex. To me, sex is one of the things in this world that feels better than anything so why you need drugs to “heighten” or make it better just seems a little greedy to me. I’m all for being an overachiever but it just seems as though you’re cheating if you have to have drugs or booze to have the sex, you know, like taking steroids to get your arms the size of a Buick and your balls the size of ball bearings. First of all, if it doesn’t feel great you’re not doing it right and using drugs isn’t going to help it feel better it will just make it easier to not remember how bad it was. Maybe that’s the key, maybe the whole Ambien sex is for the people who are bad in bed? Woo, I feel better about the whole thing now and the fact that I fell asleep before I could have the Ambien sex – Don’t Get Me Started!

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    • ncmonroe1981 profile image

      ncmonroe1981 8 years ago from West Virginia

      Hehehehe! I got a great chuckle out of your writing style (that's a good thing), and I love your take on sex and drugs. Nice hub! Keep writing.