I Kissed a Boy and I Liked It
Your First Time
Your first time can be a number of different things. Your first kiss, your first relationship, and your first intimate experience. It is okay to be nervous about your first time, because it is something new to you and you do not know how to approach it. But how would you react if you kissed someone who was the same sex as you? This is the first time that no one really wants to talk about. Why is that? In modern society, people are becoming more curious about discovering who they are as a person and who they are attracted to.
I remember when I first started to experiment with other boys in high school. For most of my life, I thought that I was attracted to girls, however, something was not sitting right with me and I decided to explore myself a lot more. It was the summer of my junior year when a friend mine, let's call him Paul, texted me. He asked me how my summer was going and I said it was going good and asked the same of him. We went on about our plans for the summer until he told me something very interesting. He told me, "I wanna f*** someone", and then I asked him, "who?" to which he replied, "You." I was very shocked when I read that message. I had not kissed another even kissed another guy. The thought of it was overwhelming. I could not believe that this was happening. He then messaged again asking me if I was available anytime during the week. Right then and there I could have lied and said yes and made up a valid excuse that would get me out of it. But for some reason I replied to Paul saying, "Yeah my folks are gonna be at work Wednesday and my sister will be in summer camp if you wanna drop by my house at 10 am."
When Wednesday came I was very nervous, this would be my first time doing it with a man. When it was 10:01 am, I heard the door bell ring and I knew that it was him. I opened the door and led him to my bedroom where he pulled out a condom and lotion from his bag and set them on my night stand. Paul leaned in close to me and kissed me. Instead of feeling shocked, I felt more relieved and embraced his touch. We took our clothes off and we had gotten down to business.
After that experience, I came to terms with how I acted and made a discovery about myself as a person. I had discovered to myself that I was sexually attracted to men. This was my first time, my first time being intimate with a man. I am not alone in this. Many Americans are experiencing their first time, some at this very moment. It is important to understand the importance of a first time, but it is also important to be able to take something away from that experience. The common take away from an experience like this is to make a discovery as to who you are as a person and to be able to grow with the new knowledge you have acquired about yourself.
"I made out with my female roommate and it made me feel some kind of way. The experience definitely made me bi-curious. I still identify as a heterosexual woman but I am willing to experiment with other women."
We only hear experimenting when we are in science class. However, experimenting can also be used when it comes to sex. Think of it as a science class experiment. First we need to have a question, then form a hypothesis, test our hypothesis with the experiment, and evaluate our results. The question, am I attracted to the opposite sex or the same sex? The hypothesis, if I am attracted to the same sex then I should consider reflecting on my sexual preference. The experiment, find someone of the same sex and/or opposite sex and see the kind of vibe you get from them. Evaluating the results, it is up to you how you view these results.
Experimenting usually takes place when we are in college. The college years are a time where everyone begins to shape their interests, their goals, and their identities. College students are also able to experiment with anyone in a private and safe environment. During my first weeks in college, one of my friends, let's call him John, approached me about his sexual encounter with a couple he had met. John had just gotten out of a relationship after he had graduated from high school, which allowed him to enter college as a single man. He had made a lot of new friends and met a lot of new people, but one person in particular was a girl named Sarah. Sarah and John met each other during an interest club meeting for theater and fine arts. The two of them got to talking and became friends instantly. Things were going pretty normal, until Sarah's boyfriend William arrived. William had introduced himself to John and said that he wanted to hang out with him and Sarah back in his dorm. William explained how he lived in a single person dorm and how he had a six-pack of beer waiting to be opened. John agreed to go back to his dorm with the two and had planned on only staying for a few hours. The three were having a lot of fun getting to know each other. Their conversation mostly consisted of their majors, what they are looking forward to most in college and their class load for the semester. Then after an hour of talking, things started to get steamy.
William had started complimenting John, saying that he was very handsome and had a nice body. While John was a little uncomfortable by this, he did welcome the compliments that were given to him. He then asked John if he was interested in having a threesome with him and Sarah. At first John was reluctant but then after thinking about it, he said he was interested and then the rest of the night would be something he would remember for the rest of his life.
John's story is not uncommon when it comes to kids in college. College is a time where everyone starts to shape their own identities and make new discoveries about themselves.
"I am a bisexual male. I only had sex with girls when I was in high school, but it wasn't until college where I started to have sex and experiment with other guys. My first sexual encounter with a guy was in a threesome with me, a female friend, and one of her male friends. From that point on, I discovered I had a sexual attraction to both men and women."
Does This Make Me Gay/Bisexual?
Experimenting can help you to discover something new about yourself, or it can help to confirm what you've been feeling. The common misconception about experimenting is that when someone experiments, they assume it makes them gay or bisexual, but that is not always the case. Just because you experiment with someone of the same sex, does not mean you are gay or bisexual.
A friend of mine, named Roberto, was open about his experience with other men. While he said that he is attracted to women, he did say that he was curious about being intimate with other men. He recalls that when he was in high school, he would always hook up with some of his male classmates and experiment new things with them to see what it would be like for his own case. Eventually, when he got to college, he had a different outlook on his sexuality. He stated that yes he is a heterosexual man but is willing to fool around with other men.
Sexuality is not determined by a one time experience, rather it is something that comes naturally to you. No one really learns to be attracted to a specific gender, but we do learn how these feelings can form in our minds. In a psychological sense, our minds usually become sexually active during the time we go through puberty and as a result we become curious to what gets us aroused. The brain's frontal lobe, which controls personality and thinking, forms at a rapid rate causing you to act out of your normal behavior. This is what many parents and other adults recognize as "going through a phase". Normally, teenagers and young adults grow out of these phases with time and proper parental guidance and then go back to their normal behaviors.
When it comes to experimenting, it does not definitively prove that you gay or bisexual, rather it leads you to make a new discovery about yourself.
"I started to feel a certain type of way about other boys when I was 10. It was when my grandmother babysat me and another boy and I had a strange attraction to him I couldn't understand. It was nothing sexual but I felt something coming over me. When I was a freshman in high school, I started to become more sexually attracted to other guys in my class I remember being attracted to one guy and we started to experiment with each other sexually, and he would later become my first love."
It's Okay to be Curious
Despite what the old saying says, "Curiosity killed the cat", it's okay to explore new areas about yourself and about what you've been feeling. Many schools try and fail at normalizing modern sexual behaviors such as kissing and dating. As a result, it causes many developing youths to stray away from intimacy altogether or discover it in an unconventional fashion. Rather than shame girls by the clothes that they wear or shame homosexual individuals, we should have a talk with them about the changes occurring in their bodies and what their new feelings mean about their growth.
This talk can usually start at home from the parents. Giving the "talk" to children is essential to help them understand what is happening to their bodies and about the new feelings that are causing them to be attracted to a certain group. Parents need to be careful with how they present these topics. Children do not need a conversation that makes it seem like their friends are talking to them, rather they need a parent to be able to relate to them by explaining to them what is happening to them is normal. In addition to the home education, it must also take place in schools.
Schools throughout the United States are constantly shaming any talk about intimacy or sexuality. The most common form is through the dress code. The dress code supposedly is created equally to both boys and girls, however, when looked at in depth, the dress code is primarily targeting female students. For example, my high school, West Orange High School, we had a very rude enforcer of the dress code named Dana Peart. Ms. Peart is a French teacher at West Orange High and an adviser for the French National Honors Society. During my junior year, she was appointed to be a temporary Dean due to one of the Deans being on maternity leave and she used the position to constantly shame female students for wearing clothes that were not "up to her standards". She deemed herself to be the "fashion police" and would make rude remarks saying such as "To all my ladies out there, dress like you are going to your grandmother's house. we do not need any kind of distractions at this school". Her comments were a light that how sexist society can be but it can also be awake up call to many people. This can show that many people, especially women, are being shamed for being curious about their bodies and identities.
Being curious is nothing to be ashamed of, rather we should encourage everyone to keep exploring their identities and to be able to grow as individuals.
© 2020 Santiago Salinas