I Kissed a Girl ...and I liked It.
My first kiss was Armondo. I was 7 and in first grade. I did not pursue Armondo. Like I said, I was 7 and in first grade. Be serious.
Armondo purused me. He even found out where Iived and showed up at my house one day. . Who ever met such an aggressive 7 year old? Or maybe he was 8. Doesn't really matter he was still incredibly young to show up on my door step. I went out with him into my yard where I swung from the long hanging "whips" as I called them on my weeping willow tree. I loved trees, I was literally a tree hugger. Armondo swung with me and eventually swung directly into my face where he planted a sweet little kiss on my right cheek.
That was my first kiss. Innocent and exciting and new.
Fast forward to 1978. I am 18 years old and at a Halloween party with a bunch of people I do not know. By now I have kissed more guys than I can count. Kissing has become an art form. I love it. I kissed Eddie, Tony, Sam, Eric, Bobby, Sal, Frankie, Harry, Gene, Dean, Kevin, Joey, Jeff,Joe B., Craig, Paul, George, I can't remember the rest. It was 5 years worth of kissing so there were plenty and I cannot possibly remember them all. In any case, needless to say I loved kissing. Just kissing. Which would often irritate the boys I kissed. Still, when the opportunity came along to kiss someone new...
Well, how could I refuse?
Her name was Carly and that was rare back then. Names were Donna, Julie, Karen, Angela, Carly was new.
I had never met her before. She was beautiful, long blonde hair, green eyes, and dressed like a fairy. Wings and all with glitter on her cheeks and body. I assume she had a nice figure. She was sitting the entire time but looked about average. She had that pouty mouth people were always telling me I had back then before it was popular. She kept looking at me and I kept glancing over at her, although I had no idea why. I spoke to various people at the party, smoked half a joint with some new friends, and nursed one drink all night. I was neither drunk nor stoned, so I don't have any excuses.
As the night progressed I eventually found myself getting along incredibly well with a few girls and a guy named Isabel, Kathy, Jackie and Dave. We were talking for a long time and seemed to have a great deal in common. We were immersed in our "amazing" conversation when I noticed that on what looked like a butcher block part of the counter. It was the end of the counter and about a foot shorter, sat the Fairy. I never saw this girl stand. She was almost right beside me but a bit back further on my right. Suddenly Jackie noticed her and said "Hey Carly, where ya been all night?"
This now meant Carly would be engaged in our conversation. She had now become a part of this little group. It was during our conversation about why guys like trios with them and 2 girls that Isabel offered up that 2 of the girls should give Dave a show. Kathy and Jackie made fun of Isabel telling her she was nuts and must be drunk to suggest such a thing, but Carly said "hey" getting our attention and we all turned to look at her "I'm game"
That's what she said "I'm game" and since Isabel and I were the only two who had neither objected not agreed everyone else stared at us. Isabel looked around "I can't kiss Carly, it would be weird, I have known her forever!!" that's when all eyes turned to me.
I smiled a little "Oh come on, you've got to be kidding me".
They kept staring. I just looked from one to the other and then turned and looked at Carly who smiled.
Well, she wasn't the worst person in the world to kiss that was for sure. I have kissed guys that were nowhere near as good looking. I mean had the word been thrown around at that time, I definitely would have said she was "hot". But I didn't even know her...oh wait that's right, that is rarely EVER a deciding factor...
I moved uneasily from one foot to the other, trying to decide if this was something I wanted to do while listening to all my new friends try to convince me to do it. And the entire time, Carly just sat there smiling. For a moment I wondered if she hadn't planned it. Was she gay? Bi-sexual? Well, I liked guys so this wasn't an easy decision for me to make. I was curious. What is it like to kiss a hot girl?
"Do it for me" Dave pleaded practically on his knees "I will live on this for like months"...we all laughed as Dave begged and finally I relented.
"Fine, Fine, no big deal, I'll do it" I said in my usual "cool" way. No big deal, as if I weren't freaking out inside. This was so me. Always acting like it was "all good" when in fact it definitely wasn't.
Soft and Sweet
I turned to Carly. Sitting on the low part of this counter made her a bit shorter than me. Just a bit. I walked over to her and put what was left of my drink on the counter. I have initiated kisses with guys but I had no idea how to do it with a girl. Was it different? I smiled at Carly "My name's AnnMarie" for some reason I felt like since I was going to kiss this girl she should know who I was.
"I know" she said in almost a whisper "I used to see you in school"
In school? Seriously? How come I didn't remember her?
"I don't remember ever seeing you" I was shaking my head.
"i looked very different than, I was kind of faggy"
"Really?" I said in disbelief. Understand, back then "faggy" meant what dorky or nerdy mean today.
"Oh yeah, you never noticed me, no one really did"
I felt badly. After all, that had to have been very difficult. "Well, they'd notice you now!"
She smiled a big smile and Dave yelled from behind me "Are we done with the formalities, this is torture!!"
I tilted my head and smiled at Carly still thinking of how awful it must have been to go through school as an outcast. "I'm Sorry I never noticed you" I think I was apologizing for everyone as well as myself.
"It's okay, you were popular, but I remember you were nice"
"Wow, thanks" I said in my syrupy sweet "aawww" voice.
Okay, you know what? Now I felt comfortable. I don't know why, but for some reason I held her face in my hands and kissed her. It seemed fast approaching her but then its like time shifted and moved more slowly. I am not sure if anyone said anything or made any sound at all because I didn't hear a sound. It was as if we were the only two people there.
Her mouth was soft and a little slippery like she was wearing lipstick and I failed to notice that earlier. I was just not myself. In this moment, kissing Carly, I was not me. I moved my mouth over hers and got all passionate and applied more pressure, moving one hand to the back of her head. Then I could feel her open her mouth, just a little, and took total advantage of that. She was sweet, I remember thinking she tasted like a Jolly Rancher candy. For what I deemed "long enough" I kissed Carly. Dave said it lasted 16 seconds. He actually counted.
Well that was great but...
After kissing Carly I hung out a little longer and then walked home. I think I just needed to be alone. I kissed a girl, and I liked it. It was kind of nice. But honestly, I would never do it again. It just wasn't my thing. I liked guys. They were arrogant, annoying and self-centered creatures, but they were my preference. I didn't like the feeling that I was one. I felt like that. I felt like the guy and it sort of made me more masculine and less feminine. I realized that for some reason I had taken on that role when I kissed Carly and then hated it.
I am the kind of person that likes to experience things myself. I don't want to hear about it second hand. If I can experience it - I want to. I have even experienced things I really didn't want to experience. But I try to look at these moments in my life as "learning" experiences.
Carly was a learning experience. It weirded me out for days after I did it and then I forgot all about it. I mean completely. I rarely think about her now. Except on those rare occasions when something triggers that memory and it all comes flooding back to me. In this case, a homosexual hub a friend of mine wrote triggered this memory.
I have come to understand that alot of girls my age then have these moments, usually in college. They "experiment" or get what they now call bi-curious. It really didn't go that far with me and probably never would have. I never would have gotten past that first kiss.
First kisses sure do change as you grow up. No comparison between the innocence of Armondo and the decadent feeling I had with Carly. Having grown up the way I did (Christian background, sang in the Sunday folk group, taught religious instructions one year, etc...) I think I felt "wrong" almost as soon as my mouth touched hers. But I am not sorry I did it. I am glad I did it. I am glad I experienced it and that was all. For me, nothing more was ever necessary and it never would be.